“Okay Averly, the reason I called you guys back here today is because I received your tests results back.” the doctor says looking a little upset and immediately my gaze snaps to my mom.
“I need you to sit on the examination bed for me real quick please ...” I do as I am told and Dr. Dimitri uses the stethoscope to listen to my heartbeat for a moment before we sit down again.
“Averly, do you remember that when you were younger you had to be in hospital a lot so that we can monitor the rapidness of your disease” I nod recalling the memory.
“And I remember when you were seven you were old enough for bypass surgery and I told you it would last ten years” again I nod wondering what is going on.
“And I also told you that it’s not so much your disease that is dangerous but it’s more what your disease does that is dangerous.” he carries on starting to annoy me by the second.
“What is the point here?” my mom finally asks exactly what I am thinking.
“You turned 17 about three months ago and your bypass has sadly reached it's end faster than I expected, your disease is taking over and I am afraid I am very concerned about your lungs.”
Standing up and walking to the x-rays which were done with my tests the doctor points to my lungs and says some stuff I do not understand before sitting down again and saying “your lungs are busy growing weaker and that is why you are so tired and why you get so out of breath easier and more than usual.”
“But you can just do another bypass.” the doctor starts to shake his head looking at my mom “I am afraid not, I do not know exactly where her lung strength is and I don’t want her under anesthetic like that, that is like asking for a collapsed lung which in her case, she can’t have.”
“So what do you suggest we do?” my mom asks before they both look at me but I am too far gone.
I have been taking all of my meds and everything, how is this possible?
“I want to strengthen her medication.” and that is the last I hear before I slowly stand up and walk out of the room and slowly to the car.
More medication, more tests, more risk and still no cure. Taking my necklace off, I open the heart locket and stare at the picture of my dad “I miss you, you would have been able to tell me what to think and do."
Then my phone rings and I take it out of my pocket with my one hand answering without checking the caller ID.
“Hello love, listen I was thinking maybe I should bring some movies then we can all watch movies at your place tonight. Your mom never has a problem and she can watch with us.”
A small smile appears on my face and I am grateful for his eagerness though I don’t feel the part right now, but as I am about to deny I remember that he doesn’t know about my problem.
“Jonah, I would love to say yes, b-” and then I was cut off by my mom.
“Honey, the doctor says you can carry on like normal just that tests will have to be done more often.” and then Jonah starts to flip.
“Doctor?! Averly are you okay? Averly answer me! I am coming over right now! What is wrong baby!? AVERLY!” how can I answer if he doesn’t give me a chance?
“Everything is fine Jonah calm yourself. You can’t come over tonight. I am tired.”
“Averly this is crap, there is something you are not telling me.”
“There is nothing, I am just tired.” he lets out a long sigh
“You do know that I love you right?” I hear his voice crack a bit and feel my already damaged heart start to break.
“Do you love me?” I freeze in my spot as he asks the question. I want to shout ‘yes’ and let the whole world know, but I have a nagging feeling telling me not to.
So I hang up.
“Sorry?” my mom says looking sheepish “at least we know that Jonathan is very concerned about you.”
“It’s Jonah. People call him Jonah mom.” and then she smiles walking to her door “well, I am not people.”
And with that we both get in. The ride home is silent and I look at my locket which is still in my hand.
“I miss him too ...” my eyes snap to my mom who is now looking at the road again.
“He was always so loving and happy, he loved you so much; planned a holiday to Italy for us after you turned 17 when he got back because you loved it so much at already the age of 12.”
“Only he never came back.” I cut her little ramble off as a tear slides down my cheek “he didn’t come home, we didn’t go to Italy and now he isn’t here to help me.” my mom parks the car as I finish my ramble and immediately I get out and walk into the house.
I walk up the stairs and fall onto my bed face down and I start to cry.
“I miss you so much dad!” I hear mom come in and knock on my door but I ignore it.
I know I am probably just feeling sorry for myself, but I can’t help the fact that I basically feel like I am dying and I don’t even have one of the most supportive people I knew with me.
Soon I get over myself and sit up on my bed with my back against my headboard and I write in my notebook.
I wish you could see what I can’t find within me to tell.
That you can just give me a look and know as well.
No matter how far or how high, I would rather die before letting you go
because even though you don’t know,
I do love you so . . . (This poem has copyright. Feel free to quote it but it is mine)
I put my pen down and close my book before a sudden tiredness washes over me and I almost immediately end up falling asleep.
“Averly, wake up”
“Averly!” my eyes fly open and I sit up in my bed immediately looking around.
I relax when I see my mom standing in my room with her arms crossed “you have a guest downstairs who is very worried.”
Nodding I silently get up and slip on my slippers before passing my mom only for her to stop me “I don’t know why you just won’t tell him.”
“Mom, you never will understand this, but I already lost one important guy in my life and I am not prepared to lose my love to0.” she nods and I leave my room and make my way downstairs and to the living room.
“Averly! Thank goodness you are okay” he jumps off of the couch when he sees me and stops for a moment “you are okay . . . right?”
I nod and he smiles pecking me on the lips before leading me to the couch so that we can sit down.
“So are you going to tell me why your mom spoke about a doctor?” I shake my head and he takes a second to stare at me before tilting his head to the side a bit
“You have been crying. Something is bothering you, what?” my mouth falls open in shock.
He chuckles and I shake my head again “I am not in the mood to talk about it.”
He takes a moment and processes what I say before looking at me again “okay, let’s do this. Next Saturday you and I can go out and play some bowling in the arcade and get some pizza. Just like old times and then we can get your pretty little mind off of whatever is bothering you.”
I smile and nod “that sounds nice.”