Chapter 1 ~ Letting Go
Viviana breathed heavily, gasping for air as the tip of her tongue glided over her sharp, pointed fangs, the disorientation slowly faded as the effects of the blood slowly withered away. She had been forced to consume, transforming her into the world’s most dangerous predator – hungry and insatiable – she yearned not just to feast but for sex, to be pleasured on every carnal level – to devour them entirely after orgasm. The sexually depraved beast inside of her had been unleashed and every human was now her prey…
“Gah – it’s all just crap,” my forehead hit the table in frustration. This had been happening for a while now, this block in my head, I needed something to change and quickly. I had fans writing into the publishing company about my next book release – and I, had nothing, zip, nada, totally and completely devoid of imagination.
“Do you ever think that your writer’s block has more to do with the fact that you aren’t having sex? Or dating for that matter? You spend most of your time with me these days.” I tilted my head up and looked incredulously at my girl Quinn, she was gorgeous – beautiful sapphire blue eyes and pitch black hair, curves in all the right places and a booty I envied.
“You know what Quinn, you’re right. Let me just see how many men I have waiting…” I got up from the kitchen table and walked to the back door of Dante’s house. She watched me with a smirk dancing along her lips, I swung open the back door, stuck my head out and looked left and right, “as you can clearly see Q, I have a line full of men beating down my door…” I gestured to the emptiness that waited. “Excuse me all of you bulky muscular men with raging hard-on’s, let me fuck my way through these ones first and I’ll get to you soon,” I pointed my thumb in the direction of the empty room behind me.
“You better fucken not,” as I was theatrically playing with Quinn, my brother Dante and his group of friends just happen to come up the back entrance at that exact time, scaring me half to death.
“How very inconvenient of you Dante, you are stepping all over my line of imaginary admirers.” I dragged my feet back to the table where a chuckling Quinn remained.
“You are so overdramatic sometimes, no wonder you’re a writer,” she cheekily winked.
Dante leaned over kissing Quinn on the forehead, they weren’t together yet, but I could tell it would only be a matter of time. Q’s husband had just passed away so, we had kind of taken up the ‘family’ role of taking care of her, Dante was in love with her, she was in love with him but their relationship was complicated and suffered some heavy emotional turmoil on account of their ‘affair’ while her husband was dying of cancer. It wasn’t as sordid as it sounded, it was actually a beautiful sacrifice and a story that should be immortalised in scripture.
“You know you go silent and watch us every time we are in a room together,” Quinn voiced the moment Dante left.
“I like seeing him happy – you make him happy.”
“Vi...” She groaned.
“I know Q, okay – it’s too soon, I get it.”
“Enough – what are you going to do about your writer’s block? Oooohhh, maybe you should go on those dating sites?”
“And what should I put as my opener… erotica author requires good looking, sexually adventurous man to help relieve her needy pussy and remove her writer’s block?”
“How come you have writer’s block?” I attempted to swallow the devastatingly dry lump that suddenly appeared in my throat upon hearing his voice – the voice of my only weakness for four entire years – as he leant up against the kitchen bench.
I closed my laptop and collected my things, “I have to go, I’ll see you later Q,” she just nodded and went back to the game on her phone, completely oblivious to what was actually happening.
I made my way hurriedly, down the back steps and to my car, “why do you do that?”
I jumped, not realising he had followed. “I don’t do anything Blade, now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go home and get some things.”
I closed the passenger door after placing my stuff on the seat, only to be thrown up against the car as his strong arms boxed me in, the heat from his body and the scent of him set my soul of fire, craving a connection of the most inappropriate kind. Blade Ericson, my brother’s friend and personal assistant and the only man that has ever given me multiple orgasms – all of which, was meant to be completely off limits to me. He always looked stunning with his murky brown eyes, solid strong jawline, slightly off centred broad nose and golden blonde hair – deliciousness on top of a pristine, finely cut and ripped sexy body.
“Careful,” I hissed, “someone might see you.”
“Why do you do that? Why can’t you just speak to me like a normal person?”
“Why can’t you stop treating me like I’m some dirty little secret?” I countered.
He pulled back, running his bottom lip through his teeth harshly. “C’mon Vixie, you know that’s not what you are.”
I scoffed, “I’m tired of this game Blade, it’s been four years – how much longer do you expect me to wait? You can’t ever love me, so leave me the fuck alone.”
“Vix… please don’t do this. I-I need you.”
“You don’t need me Blade, you just don’t like being on your own.”
“You’re wrong Vixie, so wrong. I just… can’t be what you want me to be.”
My heart sunk, he was right though, he couldn’t. “And I can’t do this anymore.”
I drove away from that beautiful man with tears in my eyes. I had been his secret for so long I had forgotten what it was like to actually be in a loving relationship, what it felt like to be treasured, to hold hands in public instead of only expressing passion behind closed doors – I needed to be free from his clutches and away from his confusion. I deserved to be loved.
Quinn and I were tired of holding onto the past – drunk up to our tits off red wine she thought was a clever idea to scull back – we skipped along with our arms linked, behind a fuming Dante. We had been caught – red-handed and buck naked – frolicking in the tranquil and divine blue ocean. Dante had always been so avid in not allowing any consort between his friends and I and well, they had just seen us both, bare naked and screaming like maniacs in the water – but fuck him, he didn’t understand the necessity behind our awakening and invoking of feminine power – we needed to claim our strength back.
With the vortex of anger swirling around him as he climbed the stairs, purposefully stomping as he ascended, I heard Quinn mutter to herself, “I am strong.” It was our secret, our way to reclaim that which was stolen from us.
“And fearless,” I called out. She cracked a smile knowing we had just spouted those same affirmations not ten minutes ago, in our symbolic need to… just let go – to be – to own our future.
I entered the room I had been staying in, leaving Dante’s friends in the lounge and began to change. Drunk me knew once the alcohol had left my system I would undoubtedly feel the cold, so warm and comfy was a must. After tying the drawstring on my pyjama pants, I was pushed at full force up against the wall of my childhood bedroom – in my big brother’s house.
“Get off me Blade.” I was furious by his actions, he was the one who had spent the past four years pushing me away and then pulling me close, the cause behind my need to reclaim my inner strength. He had broken my heart more times than I could count and now, just when I was letting go, he was there to try to lure me back in – again, using his sexual dominance, the kind I had been previously too weak to fight against.
“You looked so sexy, my sexy vixen Viola,” he whispered against my lips, before swiping his tongue along the curve of my neck.
“I am your nothing, let me go, leave me the fuck alone,” I shoved his chest but he was pure muscle and didn’t budge.
“Vixie, I can’t let you go, never let you go.” His words slashed deeper than any actual knife could, he was not strong enough, he was a coward and a playa and I had suffered emotional torture due to his own inability to man the fuck up.
His soft warm lips lavishly lapped at my neck as he groped my breasts, whispering sensual words, manipulating me into thinking we could be something more – only this time, I had shut off my heart, I refused to be his toy any more. I pushed him off me with every ounce of strength I could muster and he growled at being rejected.
“You have to…” I panted, “this… thing… between us is over, you and I are over.” I thrust my finger into his rock hard chest, “you will never touch me again.”
He reached for me as I stepped to the side, “Vixie, you know my reasons, you know I can’t.”
“Yep, because you are a weak scared little boy and I am done. Four years Blade, four years I have been at your beck and call, four years you have tangled me in your web of lies.” I shook my head furiously, “no more, you are no longer allowed to hurt me.”
“You think anyone will love you, touch you, need you the way I do?”
“The point is Blade, no one will hurt me the way you do, and they sure as shit, will not make me cry the way you have.”
He looked down like he was genuinely regretful, “I never meant to hurt you Vixie, you are my light...”
“I am nothing to you, you would have shown me if I was. No one will ever again, torture me like you have,” he flinched at my choice of words, taking one last longing look at me as he stepped away.
“I’m sorry Vi, I will only destroy you if we took this further, you know that.” As his declaration left his lips, he turned to leave – the tears rolled down my face.
“You are a coward Blade, don’t use that pathetic excuse as a ‘get out of jail free’ card, your poison on my life is over – I hate you.” The moment the door closed I collapsed to the floor, crying out in horrendous suffering. Finally saying goodbye to the man I love was excruciating, but I couldn’t fall down that rabbit hole any longer, it was time to step away from the rollercoaster ride.
I had to do it, enough was enough and I wouldn’t be able to recover again if I was consumed by him. No, this time I had to be stronger, I had to cut him loose and now, as I shattered on the ground, I promised myself that this would be the last time I would ever cry over Blade Ericson again.