Not being able to sleep peacefully is something now I have come to terms with, having nightmares could seem many but how do you term the panic attack inducing ones normal?
I used to a normal, happy to go girl whose most worries were what to wear and who to date or where to hangout?... but all that changed all of a sudden when a monster disguised as a man most important to any girl and changed my life forever. I doubt I ever could be same again or could get over these nightmares ever that the best I could do was learn to live with it and that is exactly what I did. At least now after 6 years, I am not afraid to shut my eyes altogether.
Tonight was no different then others so, when I shot up panting at 4 am drenched in sweat, heart rate skyrocketing, it took nearly an hour for me to calm down and another half an hour of simply laying down in the bed trying to get rid to the horrific images of the events I endured all while subconsciously tracing the scars littering my whole torso front and back, including my thighs and a large one running from my right shoulder to a little below my elbow. When my mind and emotions were finally stable enough and calmed down, I decided to make myself a coffee and having it on the little balcony enjoying the morning sun on my skin.
It was such a relaxing day in so long that time seemed to be in a lazy relaxing mood too and glided by really slow. So, it was already 10 am by the time Katty woke up and we got ready for our shopping spree after indulging in a huge breakfast made of course by me, for Katty can only cook the recipe of burning the whole house down. So, we decided to go direct for the malls and shops to go about by our plan, so that we could be free by 5 pm she for her shift at Rose's and me to officially resign.
Of course, I have to go through my Mom's trunk too, that I decided to do alone finally and also my shift at Kafila from 8:30 pm.
Finding dresses that were appropriate, in my budget and also covered all my scars must be termed as a mission for even after searching 2 shops already we had nothing at all.
Entering into the third shop Katty seemed excited enough and was blabbering on and on about how good quality this particular shop had in such reasonable prizes. Her smile and excitement so contagious that it put me in a good mood too even after having no luck with previous shops.
"Hello ladies, how may I be of help today?" - came a young male voice, He couldn't have been more than 20 giving a 100-megawatt smile.
"Oh...we'll have a look around first and choose what all we like and then find you if we need any help..." - Katty replied quickly brushing him off and dragging me in the direction of racks that held formal articles of clothing.
Reaching there she disappeared in the maze of racks and displays of dresses and I started looking through them.
By the time she came back to find me was when I had already tried on and decided for 3 dresses and 2 skirts now all I needed were 2 shirts for those skirts and some shoes and I'll be done with.
"Ooo!! Amy!! try this! you'll look so good in it.." - Katty squealed thrusting a dark ruby halter neck dress.
This was not the kind of dress I usually wear or rather wear at all, but seeing her excitement I couldn't deny her and went back to the dressing room. The moment I saw myself in that dress even I was left astonished myself, it was quite unbelievable that I could look this good. It came a bit above my knees, complementing all my curves perfectly.
"Damn girl!! you have to buy this.!!" - The moment I stepped out of the dressing room Katty practically ambushed me demanding me that I buy it, and I complied, for that was a dress I was not willing to part with.
Getting the remaining 2 shirts and a pair of flats that looked good enough to wear to my new employment we decided to go get lunch and finally call this shopping spree a success.
Resigning from Rose's was fairly quick and easy, so I left after receiving my paycheck for this and past week and some emotional goodbyes with fellow colleagues.
Now sitting at the floor of my bedroom with the fairly sized and beautifully carved wooden trunk that my mother once owned and now held her belongings and memories. For past 20 minutes, I have been trying to get myself to open it but couldn't really get on with it. Finally gathering all the strength I could muster, I reached for the cold metal latch with shaking hands and lifted it to open the top.
The first thing that came into view was the black sweater I made for her after learning to crochet especially for this. As I took out the various pieces of clothing, the memories related to them came flooding back too. Needless to say, I spent a good amount of time hugging those clothes close and visiting down the memory lane, smiling sometimes, sometimes shedding tears.
I got up from my spot on the floor only when it was already 8 pm and I needed to leave for Kafila and that too only because of the alarm I had set up for if I ever forget to take time into consideration, so I could be saved from being late and lectures that come along with being late.
Reaching the Kafila I had expected it to be a normal day and to leave by 12 pm for Sally was expected to be back today. My plans of serving alcohol and making drinks while politely declining the flirting patrons and leave just as the clock struck 12 could however not be fulfilled as...
"Why don't you come with me and I'll make all your tiredness from all this work go..." - the weird customer who could not even keep his voice from slurring said trying to touch my arm.
He has been at it from past 15 minutes and by now I was already frustrated and just waiting for my shift to be over already which was helpfully now.! so, quickly disregarding him I went back to the office to clock out and leave.
Exiting the bar I have just turned the corner towards the bus stop hoping to cross this deserted road as fast as I could, so I don't miss the last bus home. Walking on a road I used daily and even at much later times I thought I was safe, however, that was about to change quickly...
A hand all of a sudden clamped down on my mouth shutting it and another pulled me to the side pinning me down to the wall. My heart raced and panic consumed me and rose, even more, when I came face to face with the same man from bar pressing himself on me reeking of alcohol, his eyes bloodshot.
"Where will you go now doll!! You're all mine to do as I please now..." - He said chuckling evilly.
I tried to break free or shout but all my limbs were in his clutches and my mouth still shut by his hand.
As his hands started roaming my body my mouth became free and I screamed on top of my lungs for help. Trying to keep me shut he descended his filthy mouth on mine but I trashed and tried to get free with all my strength. My body was shutting down under his with all the panic, I was on the verge of having a breakdown and genuinely thought I was going to die now, and then all of a sudden nothing... the weight of his body was lifted from mine and the last thing I saw were those captivating grey orbs overflowing with anger and then darkness consumed me...