“Dada!!” - the little ball of joy hollered as he collided with my legs hugging them, trying to climb up me.
As my body worked on auto-pilot to pick the boy up, my eyes went on to Amyra trying to decipher her expressions. Her face so descriptive, as it went from confusion to shock, with wide eyes and jaw dropped. As she simply stood there, my mind filled with a thousand fleeting thoughts, the most common being she won’t accept us now…
“Hi! I am Kian Knight.” - an adorably small, timid yet somehow confident voice snapped me out of my trance, as I saw the little boy in my arms extending his hands to Amyra as if asking her to take him in her arms.
For a moment there all I felt was dread, for me, our relation and the little kid in my arms… however that only grew as her lips started trembling and eyes started watering as she looked from me to the kid in my arms and back to me, as if contemplating the excuse to give for running away immediately, or whether we are even worth making up an excuse to or not.
Time seemed to drag and what must have been mere moments felt like hours as she kept on standing there just looking at us, tears streaming down her cheeks which were now turning rosy slowly.
My mind felt numb, everything escaped my heart suddenly. All of a sudden I started fearing the heartache that was already setting in. I didn't even realize that my shoulders were turning limp and eyes had already gone downcast, slowly filling with brim and a lump started forming in my throat. Anticipating about the coming heartbreak I felt the need to protect the little soul in my arms from witnessing myself devastated, so I started to bend a bit to put him down, but a tingle ran through my spine, when he was suddenly taken from my arms.
The floor beneath my feet felt as if spinning, due to how fast my head spun to face her, only to find my son in her arms, hugging him as her own. Everything went still as I witnessed such a pure connection, all my worries and darkness started subsiding as I stood there shell shocked. Even to this moment not a single word was uttered audibly and still volumes upon volumes spoken and heard. Actions shouting their intentions loud and clear, finally bring a sense of peace in my collapsing self.
I tried composing myself as best as I could with my feelings and emotions going haywire, however the act though seemed to be as impossible as a donkey growing a pair of horns, for the lump didn't even wanted to subside for a moment.
Maybe the she understood my dilemma for the next moment only I saw her whispering something into Kian’s ear before kissing him softly on the cheek and the very next moment a red cheeked toddler came barrelling towards me again, pulled me down to his level and ran away back to playing after wordlessly smacking a kiss to my cheek, resulting in a twitch of a smile to my lips.
My brain was still unclear as what was really happening here, I was still trying to comprehend whether to laugh or cry, but the hope in me had rekindled and the dying fire got a new spark.
It felt as if I was in a trance, unable to break free up until now ever since I stepped into this house. All my senses had promptly gone on a vacation, taking along with it all the maturity and positivity I believed I had, everything seemed to be back to how it was four years back, all my progress in getting myself out of the hell hole of depression lost in thin air suddenly.
It surprises me how much of a power Amyra has over me to be able to make me feel such without even knowing or trying, and to pull me right back with as simple of a gesture as laying a hand on my shoulder or simply calling my name out, just as she did now. Calling out my name in that soft small feminine voice of hers, that seemed to be even more of a frail and softer than ever, emotions leaking out as were her eyes.
“Zach… you okay? I have been calling you for past two minutes.” - she spoke as soon as she found my attention towards her, or so she believed.
Hearing her ask about my well being suddenly became the answers I was looking for and the sword chasing away my demons that suddenly appeared out of now, stronger than ever demons, as relief filled me I could do nothing more, nor speak due to the gigantic lump in my throat, that in a leap my arms went around her, as I hugged her with all my might, as close to myself as humanly possible, not willing to let her go now or ever for that matter.
“There there, it’ll all be good… are you okay?” - she asked after sometime, pushing me away a bit to look into my eyes, but still in my arms.
“Yeah love, I’m fine now that you’re still here…” - I trailed off.
“Of course I am here… why would I leave…? Anyway come let’s sit and hold me while you tell me all about him…” - she spoke calmly, a small smile tugging on her lips as she glanced at Kian while speaking.
Her eyes filled with love and adoration for my son, making my heart jolt with joy. Without even thinking of replying I enclosed her into my arms, picking her up like would have picked Kian up, I moved to the farthest corner from the playing toddler, not wanting his smarter than his age self to know anything just yet.
Sitting there at the coffee brown leather recliner, with Amyra on my lap and my son playing a reach away, everything felt so homey and everything I had ever craved for since I met Amyra making my heart and mind feel at ease and the comfort I never knew I’d have.
It was this moment when I realized that a home is a person, the sense of safety, acceptance and comfort we get from them and not just a structure of concrete we erect to our fancies.
Getting comfortable on my lap, Amyra turned to face me, her eyes silently begging me to continue but her body language urged me to take my time getting comfortable, as she sat there waiting patiently. However, now the only discomfort I felt was to get everything off my chest as soon as I could, to just let go and start the new phase of my life with her without anything weighing me down. So I looked into her eyes and started speaking the truth I was so scared and unwilling to even think about up until now, but was so eager to talk about now with her…
“Kian is one of the twins…