A day full of happiness was all it seemed to be, the man who has come to mean so much to me in much less time, was standing outside my house waiting for me. A smile that never failed in turning my brain into mush and making heart forget its work, playing softly on his lips. Dressed in a suit so snug, complimenting his god-like figure so well.
The car ride and hugs all seemed to be straight out of the fairytale fantasy I have always had growing up that was somehow lost under all the scars I was gifted. The joy and carefree waves I was riding were although very tempting and something I had craved during most of my nights when I lay awake in a world sound asleep.
We were soon out of the car, moving towards the drawing room of the castle-like house of Zach but as soon as we reached the doorway my body stilled and brain seemed to have developed a mind of his own as my eyes landed on the face of the little boy playing there.
As soon as I saw the little boy bounding towards us and my emerald green eyes caught his soft blue ones, I was once again transported back to the day that marked the starting of my doom. Something about his face reminded me of the infant I had seen only once for a couple of minutes, years back, the face that still haunts me so much.
For a moment all I could think of was that I was back into the torture cells, my breath starting to get shallow, black dots started clouding eyes as the memory of that naked woman in my father’s office, stabbing the toddler on his desk started playing in front of my eyes like a movie. However, soon my hand was enclosed in a much warmer and larger one tugging me back to the present, as my head turned on its own accord to my right.
There stood Zach with the little boy in his arms looking at me with emotions flowing from his face, as if begging me for something with his eyes.
Just like that, all my demons subsided, and heart ached with the hurt and helplessness on Zach’s face and hopefulness on little boy’s.
“Hi! I am Kian Knight.” - came a small voice instantly tugging at the strings of my heart, a little hand stretched towards me making the corners of my lips curve and stretch in a smile without even realizing. His introduction confirming the fact that he is Zach’s son.
My eyes started flooding with water, the lump in my throat choking me with the sudden surge of emotions, care and adoration I felt for the little man in my man’s arms. Taking him into my arms and hugging him close seemed to be the only thought my mind processed at that time and that is exactly what I did. My heart soared as the tiny arms hugged my neck back even more tightly.
“ I like your hug” - he whispered softly, his little chubby cheeks pressed into my neck heating up.
“As do I, little man… now can you give you dada here and I some time to talk? So we could all play together later?” - I asked him, noticing the deteriorating condition of Zach, feeling the need to comfort him.
The little nod of his head gave me the answer I needed and soon after a kiss to his cheek he was back to his playing spot after returning the same favour for his dad with a kiss to his cheek, still red-faced though.
His sweet innocent smile as he ran back, tugged at my heart-strings, making me even more vulnerable to his charms by the moment.
As soon as the Kian was busy with his toy crane my attention snapped back to Zach, his eyes red, welling up with water a stream even flowing down his cheek, face flushed and throat bobbing. His face portraying so many emotions… his mind lost somewhere in the dark lands it seemed.
When calling out his name failed to grab his attention for two consecutive times, I placed a hand on his shoulder tentatively calling out for the third time, -
“Zach… you okay? I have been calling you for the past two minutes.”
It was as if my touch burned him as he instantly turned to face me, eyes widening a bit as they settled on me. Worry started clouding my mind as he just stood there motionless, but was soon thrown out the window as the very next moment I found myself embraced tightly in his arms, my head resting on his chest and his own found its spot over my head. Tears still flowing from both our eyes, possibly for different reasons as we just stood there patiently as he hugged me close to him as if his whole life depended on it.
Spending time with anyone other than Katty is not something I am familiar with but doing the same with Zach feels so natural and good, no matter how new our relationship is or how vastly different our worlds are. It sure sometimes gets awkward, giving me jitters of anxiety and sudden spurs of insecurity in the darkness of night when I lay awake in the empty house thinking about everything and anything while constantly berating myself for doing so.
It is not so hard for an aching heart to sense another and for a broken soul to identify another withering one. To see the broken pieces of what I presume was once a cheerful, happy and motivated man inside the imagery of this hard-headed, stubborn and incredibly hardworking business mogul. To say that I know Zach or that I’ve been able to tell him everything about myself yet would be a complete lie, but the same would be to say that I do not understand or feel his needs… more specifically the emotional ones, just as now. It comes as more of a natural instinct to comfort the silently suffering man just as he does with me, to shield him from any more hurt and to share all his demons…
However, now that I’ve been given this opportunity, now that he is sharing his life and seemingly most important parts of it, for a brief moment all that my mind registered was insecurity and my lack of self-worth, the questions clouded my mind, repeatedly asking me, are you even worthy enough to be shared the moments guarded so close to his heart for so long? Or could your shattered heart bear the pain of knowing the demons haunting him?
A thousand other such questions came fleeting in my mind but disappeared even faster than they appeared. A single look to his face and all my worries vanished into thin air, leaving behind nothing but the strongest urge to be there for this man… to make his life comfortable and bring him nothing but happiness…
Hugging him even closer and tighter seemed to be the only thing I could do at this moment and that is exactly what I did until I felt him calmed enough to be able to talk… it was only then that we moved over to the recliner as I sat in his lap patiently waiting for him to speak, listening carefully as he swallowed his nerves and started speaking…