The roller coaster named life

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The night

My shirt was now somewhat dried and just a tiny bit crusty with the salt from the tears of my boss who is now peacefully asleep. His head resting on my lap and arms caging my waist in a death grip, as if I am his most valued treasure and will disappear as soon as his hold relaxes.

My legs feel so heavy and numb with the weight of his head resting there overnight, back and neck so painfully cramped that the only time I tried moving my neck to look at the angelic face in my lap, it cracked with the sound effects of a dry stick under the foot. Every inch of my body cramped, aching to the point of literal tears but still unable to overcome the piercing pain my heart was drenched in ever since I became privy to the agonies of the man I have come to adore so much, not to mention the little angel who played the strings of my heart as effortlessly as Joe Perry played guitar.

As soon as the image of a little blue eyed boy, timid with a mischievous glint in his eyes and a smile so pure and dripping innocence, my eyes flitted to the right where on the unusually large settee laid his small form, covered in plush blankets, surrounded by pillows, clutching his Thor action figure, that was half his own size. His face so peaceful resembling the male supermodel like face of his father to the T.

His parted lips and peaceful expressions a stark contrast to the tantrum he threw last night when the nanny tried taking him to his room to sleep…

~Last night~

“... but Dada is also sleeping here!” - came a little whine, stirring me from my sleep.

It was only after a few moments when my eyes landed on the small, pouting and stomping figure in front of me, that the initial disorientation and confusion dissolved that I remembered the position and place I was in, red tinge marking its territory on my cheeks and ears even just as my sight drifted to the face buried in my chest that was now tear soaked. Another stomp and set of whines demanded the drift of my attention towards the needy little boy, also causing his bigger version in my arms to stir lightly. As is that was the signal my brain had wanted to realise the current situation and act, as the panic filled me soon after. But the surprise tagged along too as it was not the fact that my boss who has claimed my heart, was now sleeping on my chest after crying his heart out and opening up about his past, that caused me to panic. Nor was the intimate state we were sitting in, but it was the fact that this sleeping Adonis may be pulled out of his much needed rest that didn’t sit well with me.

Turning ahead, the scene that greeted me was something I wished for more in future without even realising it. There stood Kian with his arms folded on his chest and a pout on his little, frowny yet adorable face, giving a hard and adamant look to his nanny.

“What seems to be the problem here… uh…” - I asked in a voice barely above a whisper, to the sweet looking, pudgy old woman.

“Martha ma’am, I am Kian’s nanny.” - she replied with a hesitant yet sweet smile, as if not knowing how to react or talk with me just yet.

“Ah! Yes, Martha… sorry, we were not able to have introductions earlier. I am Amyra…” - I replied, heat spreading to even my ears, as I yet again realised the position Zach and I was in and my eyes unknowingly darted to his face, but my thoughts were soon interrupted by a small tug on my hand…

“Amy… dada is also sleeping here, I also wanna sleep here… please…” - Kian spoke in a small pleading voice, still not losing his extremely adorable pout.

“But baby, won’t you be uncomfortable here, and…”

“Just today, I promise. I don’t wanna go to my room, I wanna sleep here with you both too and dada is also here.” - he pleaded with his eyes big and hands now clutching mine.

How was I supposed to say no to that face? Or rather from where does any parent gets the strength from, to deny these cute little humans of anything when they get so adorable? For a moment there I even thought of waking Zach up and making him sleep on his bed, just so Kian would also do so. However, with a single glance at the tear stricken, red nosed and noticeably blotchy eyes, was enough to send these thoughts on their merry way back, as my heart and mind flat out refused to even think of waking Zach up now, not to mention the fact that he looks highly unlikely to wake up now, with his tiredness and lack of sleep clearly visible, along with the dark circles under his eyes.

“Okay, but just tonight. Yeah?” - I asked the little boss in a firm whisper.

“Yes! Thank you!” - he whisper yelled, his face instantly lit up with a million watt smile as he jumped along in a small and quiet happy dance, mindful enough to not wake his dada up causing the corners of my lips to tug up at his joy.

“Has he eaten ma’am?” - I enquired turning my face to Martha.

“Yes, but I’ll now bring his milk now… he usually has it before sleeping. and please call me Martha ma’am.” - he replied with a genuine smile, already turning to move, when I spoke…

“Erm, yes but please could you get him ready for bed too? And oh, bring his blanket and pillows along too, please?”

“Certainly ma’am, we’ll be back in a jiffy. Would you be needing anything else too, a blanket for you both perhaps?” - she asked, still with her kind smile intact and motherly tone.

“Of course, thank you, and please call me Amyra”

As soon as she left with Kian’s tiny hand held carefully in hers, my mind scrambled around to work out the only sensible idea I had currently, as I carefully and slowly manoeuvred myself out of hi lap and onto the sofa beside him, putting his head on my lap, as he slept through it peacefully, stirring just a little and adjusting his position to pull his legs up on the sofa too. Laying there comfortably and blissfully unaware in his sleep.

He was soon covered with the blanket Martha brought down, silence of sleep vieling every corner of the house as all three of us drifted too.

~back to present~

Sitting here awake for some time now, my brain seems to be the only part of my body that is able to function properly as of now, or rather the one functioning much in excess to what I need or desire.

The thoughts of all kind plaguing my mind at a speed that none of them seems to stick around long enough for me to ponder upon. Thoughts, as to was Zach really okay? Or what was our relationship status as of now, that I know so much? Or the weird desire to let him in on my past too, the need to tell him everything and all demons haunting me and calm.

As soon as a particular one gains a bit attention, another shoves it away to take its place.

The questions running through of all sorts causing havoc in my head, initiated a migraine so stealthy that I was not even aware when my hand reached up to massage my temples, as if trying to brush away the pain.

Maybe it was the thoughts invading my attention or the pain that I failed to notice that the invader of my sleep was now awake and jumped a little as his hand replaced mine on my forehead, as my eyes darted down only to be captured in the pools of his grey orbs and faint smile on his calm and relaxed face that seemed to be carrying content and happiness.

“Good morning, love.” - he said in a deep husky and manly morning voice but with stark contrast in form of a childlike smile on his face, showing his pearly whites and prominently shaped canines, that makes him even more beautiful.

“Good morning. Slept well?”

“The best in so many days actually…umph!” - he started speaking but was soon cut off with a grunt, as a little body landed with a jump on his stomach, causing a laugh to bubble up from my stomach.

“Good morning dada, good morning Amy!” - shouted the little prince, still jumping on his father’s stomach a bit. His smile never flattering.

“Morning baby Thor! How are you little man!” - Zach asked in a voice as excited as his miniature version, his smile widening a bit more.

“Am hungry dada! Breakfast!!” - came his demand, earning another chuckle from us both, as Zach pulled him to his arms getting up and extending his hand to help me up too, both of them still smiling with their jovial faces as I stood up.

However, the happy moment seemed to be short lived as my already asleep legs were at once filled with the sensation of a billion ants roaming inside them, as soon as I stood up. My head spun and all bones cracked audibly causing me to groan in pain from the cramps due to my overnight position, as I sunk back into the couch once again, unable to stay up just now.

“Amy!” - came to voices at once, causing me to look at their aghast faces, slowly turning pale with worry…

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