The Melody of Silence

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Letter 1

27 May 2002

Alex,

This is gonna be quick. My lawyer said if I write it here, in our meeting, he can sneak it out with him when he leaves and mail it to you for me. I can’t be too careful with this crap. If it gets read by one of the wardens it would fuck everything up.

Al, I never cheated on you. Cross my heart, hope to die. You’re probably hearing rumors by now that I knocked Deb up or something, and I doubt she’s going to tell you the truth so I will. Sorry if it’s a little unceremonious.

Deb’s pregnant, but her baby isn’t mine. It’s Tim’s. He raped her, but she wanted to keep it. She hadn’t slept with anyone else in months and she’s scared if Marsha or the authorities find out they’d try to take it from her. She’s saying it’s mine so I can be on the birth certificate. That way there’s a backup plan if ever something happens to her, or if she fucks up and CPS gets involved. Marsha and Tim’s family will never have a chance at custody.

Nobody can find out about this, angel. I was going to tell you, but then... well, shit happened, I guess. Shit happened way too fast.

I’m so sorry for hurting you. I’m so sorry for not telling you this when I had the chance, but Deb was so fucking traumatized and she begged me not to tell anybody what happened. Even now, this has to stay between us. Please don’t mention it to anyone else. Don’t even mention it when you write back, cuz the guards read all the letters.

Al, I love you. With everything I am. You’re the stars, baby... Shit, I gotta go.

Nate

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