The Melody of Silence

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Letter 9

Letter #9

2 September 2002

Alex,

You’re probably at college, huh? I’m glad your dad cooled off. I hate to imagine you going off to college without people to help you carry shit to your room and all that. To be honest, I wasn’t too upset about the prospect of our road trip. Part of me was selfishly hoping your dad would keep being a prick. I’m glad he’s gonna be there for you, though.

I really miss you. The more I think of it, though, the more I’m kind of glad you’re not reading these. Imagining you off at college being all preppy and finally finding friends as nerdy as you is kinda the only thing keeping me going, right now. I’m not saying I’m real happy with the thought of you hooking up with other guys, but it kinda sucks worse imagining you having to awkwardly explain to everyone why you can’t date. “Sorry, I’m already seeing someone... no he doesn’t go to this school... he actually doesn’t go to school at all... well, he’s in prison... oh, nothing big. He just killed a guy, that’s all.”

So yeah, I’m glad(ish) that we’re not talking. I’m glad you’re living your life. I’m just also kinda living on the prayer that you give me a second chance when I get out.

Love you,

Nate

P.S. Deb’s having a boy. She’s gonna name him Matthew. She brought me ultrasounds. I’ve got ’em up on my wall. I know it’s kinda weird considering the circumstances, but I’m weirdly excited to be a dad and I already kinda love this stupid kid. Deb said your dad’s been helping her out and I know that’s because of you. Thank you, sweetheart. I’m so sorry for all the pain this caused you and I hope by the time you read this you understand why I had to do it.

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