If Only Things Were Different
It was as though someone had poured petrol into my veins and set me alight.
Rock and Veronica? I felt my chest tighten and my mouth go dry as I closed my eyes. I could see them together in my mind, the perfect pairing that they would be. Someone like him wouldn't care about Ryder, he was familiar with their world. Someone like him would make her scream his name a thousand times as he fucked her expertly.
Please say he hasn't fucked her.
His mouth fell open as he gaped at me, his eyes wide.
'Fuck Ace, tell me you haven't.'
What the actual fuck was going on?
'I'm confused.' My voice came out like I was being choked, small gasps left my mouth when I tried to speak. I felt a coldness run through my body when I suddenly remembered the strip joint.
Was it then?
Rock shook his head in disbelief, and I began to lose my patience.
'I was messing with you. It's her you are seeing, isn't it?' His voice was low and calm as he looked at me with a mixture of fear and respect.
Oh god, no.
'I'm not seeing her. You're a dick, you know that?' I snapped as I slid into the front seat. Violet frowned at me before looking into the rear view at Rock.
'Told you you're a dick.' She smirked as he glowered at her.
'Dude, I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt so strongly about her.' He said quietly.
I closed my eyes as I heard Violets sharp intake of breath.
'Rock, not now. ' I say through gritted teeth.
'Do you even realise who she is? Like she is the untouchable. Unless you want an early death. It doesn't even matter how fucking hot she is! She isn't worth the trauma. Whatever you've done, end it. Right now.' He commanded, the fear in his voice evident.
What a fucking nightmare.
'How did you know?' I demanded, avoiding meeting his eyes, knowing they were full of disbelief.
He snorted then as Violet glanced at me.
'It was earlier in the canteen. When Cameron was laying it on thick. The way you were. Fuck!' He exhaled as he leaned back in the seat.
'Right, can someone please tell me what is going on?' Violet demanded.
'Your brother is enjoying planning his funeral, the absolute twat. Tell her who you are fucking.'
'Actually Rock, I don't wanna discuss my sex life with my sister. Oh, and I'm not fucking Veronica.' I spat back, angry now. Violet pulled into the supermarket, switching the engine off and turning to me.
'Veronica as in.....Ryder's Veronica?' Her eyes were wide as she stared at me open mouthed.
Oh for fucks sake.
'There is nothing going on. Guys, just don't utter a word of this to anyone.' I begged, turning to see Rock gazing at me coolly.
'I'm just in awe here. I mean, you will get murdered if he finds out, but seriously, she has never shown any interest in anyone else, ever. Well done man.' He was impressed, as Violet shot him a filthy look.
'For fucks sake Rock. Shut up!' She exclaimed in annoyance, her blue eyes flashing at him. He raised his eyebrows apologetically as she turned to me.
'Promise me, no more. Ryder is...really fucked up.' She shuddered as she thought of something she wasn't so forthcoming in sharing, her eyes full of fear as she watched me. 'He is Reds friend, and I don't want him having an issue with you. Please?'
'What happened with Red, Violet?' Rock asked quietly, her head snapping over to him.
'Nothing. Its nothing.' She suddenly laughed nervously as his eyes bored into hers.
'So you like them bad to the bone eh Vi?' He smirked, attempting to pour humour over the fire that was this conversation.
'Shall we get some food? Rock, you NEED to keep this to yourself. If this gets out-' I began before he interrupted me.
'Seriously? As if. You're my best friend. I've got your back, even for this. I won't tell anyone, but your sister is right. No more. Its too dangerous.' His voice was solemn and I nodded gratefully.
They were right. It wasn't fair of me having something to do with Veronica, risking my family and friends safety, all for the sake of an attraction I couldn't deny.
If only things were different. I wonder how many times a day that was uttered around the world?
We meandered around the supermarket, Rock surprisingly knowing what ingredients he needed, even inspecting the meat carefully for the best cut. We drove home, chatting quietly about this and that, the topic of unsavoury characters not on our agenda. I lounged on the sofa channel surfing as my mind drifted over to Veronica. She was an enigma, and I wondered why I was so attracted to her. It was like a raw emotion, I had absolutely no control over it. I was interrupted by the laughter coming from the kitchen and I was pleasantly surprised. Rock seemed to be a dick a majority of the time, but sometimes he reminded me why he felt like a brother to me, making us dinner like this, his normally erratic behaviour somewhat calming tonight. I appreciated it. Later, after a surprisingly amazing dinner cooked by Rock, Violet yawned and went to bed, leaving us boys alone. Rock gazed at me, rubbing his hand on his chin thoughtfully.
'What?' I groaned, knowing he was going to say something he considered 'honest' which was code for blunt and rude. I braced myself as I slid my hands behind my head.
'Right so you are a neutral kid. You don't get involved in fights. You don't fuck around with girls. You do well at school. Everyone likes you. Then you go and fuck Veronica Dale.'
'I swear to god- I haven't fucked her! Oh, and stop saying her full name like she's a celebrity.' I snapped, suddenly irritated. Rock simply continued like I hadn't spoke.
'Then, Cameron starts at school, another fit girl, also slightly naughty. Also shows interest in you. Cousin of Ryder.'
I shuddered as he spoke, realising that either girl could get me murdered.
'So, I think you need to fuck them both off.' He commented frankly, as I watched him suspiciously.
'Rock, how many times have you said you'd fuck Veronica? Seriously? Doesn't Ryder bother you?' I asked in a quiet voice, suddenly aware I was craving the answer.
He exhaled then as his ice blue eyes met mine.
'You and I are different Ace. In all honesty, she has never batted an eyelid in my direction. Ryder is a scary fucker, but if I really liked her I would fight anyone for her. Not just sex, but like, if I thought it had substance, you know? Shit man, when did life get so fucking complicated?'
I smiled softly as I considered his words.
'I do really like her, but you know what, she is not going to leave him anytime soon. She doesn't want anyone to know about us either. I can't be doing with being her secret. What if he found out? I'm not a pussy, but she' a gang members girl, I'm just a plaything for her whilst he's in prison.'
'Fuck that man. You are better than that, she should be fucking grateful to have a chance with you. Fucking women.' He shook his head as he closed his eyes.
'I thought you loved Rochelle?'
'You know what, I thought I did. That's not love though you know. Its fucking toxic. I really need to end this shit with her. Its draining.'
I blinked. Who was this man?
Rock shrugged then, his eyes suddenly lighting up.
'I've got an idea. Just hear me out.'