Autumn's Light

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Starting Over

I woke up to see my bedroom ceiling above me. I blinked a few times. Why was I in my room? Was I having an out of body experience? I didn’t understand. I should be dead right now.

I looked down to my hands and lifted one up. My body worked normally. I turned my head to see my brother sprawled out on the ground next to me asleep. I looked past him to see Ryder asleep in my reading chair. I blinked again and noticed my uncle was pacing outside the room in the hallway. I went to speak but I couldn’t. My lungs hurt. So I tried to sit up making a noise as I did.

Ryder’s eyes went open and he shot to his feet, jumping over Bryce.

“Autumn, Oh thank god!” He touched my face. “Don’t try to talk.. It’ll hurt for a bit.”

Uncle Dustin came in the room and Bryce woke up and jumped to his feet and onto the bed on my side wrapping his arms around me.

“Don’t you ever. EVER do that again.” He was on the verge of tears now.

It was official. I wasn’t dead.

My uncle now spoke. “You are damn lucky your father carries around Naloxone. We found it in his bag.”

I blinked. I should’ve known my dad would have the reverse drug for overdosing. It was wishful thinking that he didn’t.

I went to speak but Ryder held up a finger to my lips. “Don’t talk.”

I nodded slightly but Bryce didn’t let me go. I was staring at him then to Ryder than my uncle.

My uncle’s head was hanging low. “Why Autumn. Why would you do this.. Why would you think our world would be better without you in it?!” he was tearing up. I’ve never seen my uncle like this before.

Bryce sat up straight and grabbed my shoulders, staring right into my eyes. “Because it wouldn’t be better. It would be hell on earth without you here. Remember our promise? We’re each other’s other half. Literally. If you died Autumn, I think a part of me would’ve died along with you.”

I looked down and started choking up tears. I couldn’t believe how selfish I was being. Ryder was touching my leg at this point. “Don’t you dare think no one wants you here. That you caused any of this to happen. Because you didn’t. Nothing is your fault. Your past is not your fault, your dad is not your fault, and Hendrix? God that fucking asshole is not your fault either! You are the light in so many people’s lives Autumn, please understand that and don’t ever do this again!”

I’ve never been told I bring light into people’s hearts. I never thought I was that person to help people. To make their life better. But who knew I was that to Ryder at least?

I smiled a bit and nodded in understanding. Ryder got off the bed as did Bryce after he grabbed my face and made me look at him.

“You scared the fucking life out of me Ott. I can’t live without you.” He kissed my forehead and emotions ran through me. My brother was showing his emotions. My brother broke out of his shell. My brother needed me. What kind of sister am I?

I was told to get more sleep and they would be checking in with me through out the day. I guess I was out all night and it was now Wednesday morning. I peaked around my room to try to find my phone. My uncle stayed in the room with me and noticed.

“Whatcha looking for Ott?”

I made the phone signal out of my fingers and he chuckled a bit before handing me my phone on my dresser.

“The boys went through it. Just so you now. They had to find out if someone made you do this.”

I grumbled. What privacy assholes. But in their case, I’ll excuse it.

I opened the phone to find a bunch of texts. I gathered my strength to read them all.

The first couple were from Marley. Screaming at me for attempting to kill myself. She said she would be in town this weekend and she promised she would sit down and talk with me with zero judgements and zero pressure. She just wanted me to know she was there for me and loved me without end.

The next ones were from Axel. He must’ve heard the rumor mill going around. He basically was trying to ask if I was okay. What happened when he left and if he caused me to do it. I noticed a few missed calls from him too. I decided to text him back. I didn’t want him to have any guilt.

‘I’m okay. It wasn’t you.’

I sent it and went back to reading the others. There was one that made my eyes widen. It was from Hendrix.

‘I can’t believe I made you do this. I can’t believe you really thought that low of yourself to want to kill yourself. Autumn I can’t even say sorry enough. The person that should be wanting to die is me. I made this all happen. I made you hurt. I broke your heart. I cannot accept that. I can’t live with myself knowing that I almost lost you because of my damn mistake. Please I need to see you. I need to know your okay. All I keep getting is general updates, but Bryce won’t even talk to me now. He thinks I’m the reason you did it. Please Autumn. ’

My god. Tears welt up in my eyes again. Hendrix was broken too.

‘Don’t. I had a lot of other shit happening too. You can come over.’

I got a text instantly back.

‘I’m leaving school now’

I looked at the clock on my phone. It was almost noon. That made sense. The last text in my phone was from Harley.

‘Autumn. I can’t believe what I just heard. Please tell me it’s not true. Did you really try to kill yourself? Please tell me its not over the mistake me and Hendrix made. It was a total mistake and me and him know it. We can’t express that enough. I cannot tell you how sorry I am and how badly I wish I could take it back. We ruined everything. I miss you so damn much. Please be okay..’

I sighed and shut off my phone. I was not ready to deal with Hendrix and Harley in the same day. But as soon as I shut off the phone a text came through. It was Axel.

‘Don’t you dare scare me like that again sunshine. I call you that for a reason.’

I smiled to myself.

‘Sunshine?’

Ding.

‘Yes, you’re my sunshine and don’t you ever forget that.’

I giggled a bit and my uncle raised a brow at me.

‘Thank you Ax.’

Ding.

‘You’re welcome. Now get better so I can see that pretty face of yours.’

I smiled again and clicked my phone off.

In a few minutes my lungs felt better and I was whispering now. I let my uncle know that Hendrix was on his way over and he had to make sure many times that I was okay with that. He let Bryce know. Ryder ended up going back to school which I was grateful of.

The doorbell rang and my uncle went to get the door, in a matter of seconds Hendrix appeared in my doorway rushing to my side. I never thought I would be happy to see him again.

“Hey..”

He sat down next to me on the bed and I smiled at him. Trying my best to talk.

“Hey..” it came out kind of raspy.

He grabbed my hand and held it. I didn’t oppose the action.

“Why…?” was all he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s a lot to say.”

He nodded in understanding. “But at least tell me if a part of it is my fault?”

I nodded. I had to be truthful. He was part of my breakdown. His grip went tighter on my hand and he looked away from me.

“Fuck..”

He turned back to me and I could tell he was holding back the tears. “I’m so sorry.”

I shrugged again. It couldn’t be helped now. The pain was real and I acted on it. He reached up and touched my cheek with his hand.

“I still love you. God, I love you. I can’t even explain to you how much I care about you.”

I blinked. “Well enough to kiss another girl apparently..” His apology was not cutting it for me.

That hit his gut and I saw it. “Don’t Autumn. I just told you I regret the entire thing. It was the worst mistake of my life.”

I looked at the ground and he took his hand from my cheek. I couldn’t be hounding him. Just a while ago I had my lips locked to Axel’s. I was no saint either. I sighed. This was so confusing. It wasn't like he slept with her.

“Drix. I don’t want us to hate each other. I don’t know what the future holds. But I need some time. I don’t trust you anymore.”

He nodded at me. “I understand but, I need to ask you something.”

I shifted in my position. “Sure.”

“Were you with Axel last night?”

My god. I just told him I needed time and he pulled out that card. But honestly, he had a point.

“Yes.”

I could see his face fall. He was hurting again. But I didn’t feel sorry. This wasn’t on me.

“Why?”

I shrugged. “He took me for a drive. It was nice to escape.”

He grabbed on to the back of my neck. “But you came home and tried to kill yourself?! WHY?! What did he say to you??”

I blinked at his action. “You. Harley. My dad. My brother. My past. My decisions. My issues. I can’t just give you one answer. Axel made me realize how fucked up my life really is. He didn’t cause this, I realized it on my own.”

He pulled my body towards him and he kissed my forehead. “Don’t ever bottle those things up..” He was staring right into my eyes.

I nodded when my brother appeared in the room.

“Sorry to break this up. But she’s got to rest now.” He had his arms crossed and was glaring daggers at Hendrix.

Hendrix nodded and touched my cheek again. “I’m a phone call away.”

He stood up and left the room. My brother came walking in and sat down where Hendrix just was.

“We will talk tomorrow Ott. Get some sleep, I’m going to the hospital to see dad.”

I nodded and laid back down. I was exhausted he was right
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