Daddy husband was kissing someone else and daddy was killing me. Daddy the sweet man the sweet heart my drama my dreams had now become this man who set the world stage on fire. We had grown up together and now he was with this other wife. The woman who loved him more than life itself was forgotten. Forgive me dear child in bed waiting for your daddy but why is daddy gone because he has gone to someone else and his new self is filled up with this new world. The former shabby persona is now glittering gold. Daddy was killing me softly as if the wars in my head had turned to weapons which was set on self-destruct.
He not my daddy but the daddy of my heart.
Daddy had become not human but Midas a he male shagged out and he was the worst human beast ever. He was no longer mine he was not mine. There is no blood relationship between me and him not even a wedding ring but he had wandered off. It does not mean we did not love because me and him had a life a sort of a give and take a sort of things which mates had. I called him daddy because he was the one man I looked up to and he barely nine years older than me accepted that.
Harmless is it not to think about such a name as to give him the name of daddy? But he was the centre of my world and he was the thing which set me ablaze and he was the things which made me good and calm and all that sort of deeds which I am capable of he has made me who I am. Love is like that. But when this other woman took him he became the glowing literary giant and he destroyed me. They destroyed me together.
I am an old woman now it is just that I call myself that it is wise to be called after a certain age that one has weathered the storms and made off with the things which made me. Sooner or later they blow you away like a candle you are snuffed out the system the systematic ignorance the bliss of having no more.
The cog that turns the wheel of time is such that we say everybody matters when it is not true some matter more than others because they are in full time employment have more friends and go to more parties. The thing which is a disaster is to stand clear of that sort of thing thinking that an employed person is someone who gets paid money real money.
“What oddness to think everything is about money?”
“Well is it not true?”
“No, it is about doing the work first then taking it.”
“But I do the work.”
“You do not do the grammar it just does not make sense.”
“I am dyslexic?”
“Then do the grammar check.”
“I have begun to do that I got used to the computer and it is doing that for me”.
“Well it still does not mean anything to us.”
“We get uncomfortable about the material.”
“I feared as much does it make you less comfortable then having your material stolen?”
“We do not do such things.”
“We are up to our ears with this?”
“I am sorry.”
“Daddy is kissing somebody else.”
“Daddy is with someone less.”
“I have become a shadow of myself.”
“That is because I do not eat a lot?”
“It has not spoilt my appetite in fact quite the opposite.”
“Appetite for suffering?”
“No stupid food.”
“Eat your carrots and then you may eat the gold.”
“Ten carat? £