Begin Again

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Sixteen: Welcome to The Circus

For the first time in years, I see a future for myself. A happy one at that. I see my beautiful partner with radiant red hair and a big, bright smile. She isn’t Jade, but she’s special in her own way. She reminds me of Jade and surprises me with new qualities each day. Violet is ambitious, she isn’t nearly as shy as Jade and she can give me a push when I need one. She’s everything that I’ve been waiting for since I lost Jade, and if I can’t have Jade; Violet is a close second.

Lately, I’ve been helping Violet out more financially. She had been behind on a lot more bills than she led on but I refuse to take no for an answer. I’m going to help her in any way that I can whether it hurts her pride or not.

Violet and I have been together officially for about a month now which is pretty great. I’m falling more and more, but I’m not scared like I used to be. I’m relieved to know that I can feel this way again after feeling like I would never have feelings towards someone ever again. I have that rush again, the heart pounding feeling when I’m waiting for the work day to end just so I can see her. The constant ideas I get to make her smile or just seeing her number appearing on my phone. You can’t put a price on things like this.

I’ve called Violet to my office, knowing she isn’t working today. I want to go over ideas for the Jade Foundation because I’ve found some really amazing sponsors that I want to run by her.

“Knock knock,” Violet’s voice echoes in my office. When I look up from my computer I smile at she gorgeous girl in front of me.

She’s stunning. Her hair is in a messy pony tail, she wears light blue skinny jeans and a tight white tank top tucked into the jeans. If I weren’t at work I would take her right now on my desk, but it isn’t being at work that’s stopping me. It’s Mason and his inability to knock.

“Hey beautiful,” I motion for her to come towards me and when she reached me, I hook my index finger into the cleavage of her tank top, pulling her down and pressing my lips against hers.

Fuck, I’m so happy.

When we pull away from each other I can see that Violet is feeling as good about this relationship as I am. Her face is practically glowing with infatuation and joy. Her eyes glisten with happiness and knowing that she feels so deeply about this as I do gives me even more pleasure in this.

“What’cha looking at?” She asks, looking over at my computer with furrowed eyebrows.

“Sponsors,” I answer her, “I have six people interested in sponsoring the foundation, they like the cause and they want to meet us. Since we don’t have a specific space for this I figured we could just arrange meetings here.”

“I thought this was our project?” Violet interjects.

I shrug my shoulders, “It is, but we need sponsors and people to work with the technical aspects. I’m going to get Ella to work on the finance for it, she’ll get in contact with some collages that are interested in having Jade’s scholarship.”

“No,” She surprises me, shaking her head and stepping away from me, “This is a personal project, Thomas. It’s supposed to be the people who know her that builds this. Not strangers.”

I can’t help but chuckle, turning off my computer screen and rolling back on my chair, “Have you done anything like this before? Because I have, and there’s a lot more to it than just throwing money in and calling it a day, Vi.”

Violet looks unimpressed, she seems completely unwilling to let anyone else help but it isn’t her choice. It isn’t logical to do this on our own.

“Babe, I know you think it’s easy but you need to think of the business part of things. If we don’t put ourselves out there, no one will know about it,” I grab her hands and pull her towards me, when she’s standing in front of me I slide my hands around her waist and place them on her butt, “It is you and me. We’re doing this, but we need a team in the background, alright?”

She finally seems to understand, nodding her head in agreement.

“We good?” I ask, pulling her only my lap and giving her lips a gentle kiss, “Mm?”

I feel her smile against my lips, “We’re good.”

I continue to kiss her, taking advantage of her being on top of me. Within seconds we are in a full blown makeout session and I really am considering lifting her onto my desk and having a good fuck in my office.

It is my office, after all. It’s not like I have a boss to answer to.

“Uh, Thomas...” I hear Ella’s voice. Complete cockblock, but I can’t blame her, she’s just doing her job, “I’m sorry to interrupt, I sent the documents for the foundation to the Hemsberg sponsor, he wants to meet with you on Wednesday but you have a meeting with Gavin at the time Hemsberg is available.”

“Cancel Gavin,” I tell her, “Or get Mason to take over. Whichever works.”

Ella nods her head as Violet gets off of my lap. I can see Violet eyeing her and I assume she’s concerned about Ella being involved in the scholarship project, Violet is extremely protective over this and I understand that. It’s close to her heart.

“One last thing, Ella. I need you to transfer fifteen thousand into the bank account for the project, print the receipt and place them with all of the other banking documents,” I tell her, keeping Violet close to me, “Use the office bank card, please.”

“Fifteen thousand is a lot,” Violet intervenes, “It’s just starting, why so much?”

“Investments,” I answer simply, “It costs a lot to start from scratch.”

Ella writes something down in a little notebook that she carries around for personal memos, her memory must be pretty bad to not remember something for five minutes but who am I to complain if she gets the work done?

“Got it,” Ella nods her head, “Anything else?”

“Nope. That’s all.”

As Ella leaves the room, Violet walks to the door and closes it before turning to me, “Thomas... I don’t want to seem ungrateful but this feels like it’s becoming bigger than me. My intentions were to have a small scholarship fund so Jade’s memory can be kept alive, it’s becoming a circus.”

“Are you kidding me?” I ask her, confused as to why she was acting so nuts about this entire thing, “It isn’t a circus. Explain to me how you planned on making this happen, Violet. What would you have done differently?”

“That doesn’t matter,” She shakes her head, “This was supposed to be my something special and you’re taking it over... I just wish you would ask me things before jumping in and making it all about you.”

She has got to be fucking with me.

This isn’t about Violet or me, it’s about Jade. This is her fund, not ours but Violet is sounding like she just wants to feel good about herself. It’s obnoxious and completely unlike the Violet I know.

“Are you afraid or something?”

“Afraid of what?” Violet seems insulted that I even asked her this but she was clearly taking it out of context. In a way, I had grieved a lot of my pain away through the foundation I prepared in Jade’s honor, Violet had nothing to help her through this until now.

“Of messing up,” I tell her. She doesn’t have to worry about that because I’m with her and will make sure everything is okay, “I know this is scary, babe. It’s terrifying to put yourself out there and honor the one you love but I promise you with everything I have that you will never have to worry about failing. Jade would be so proud of you, Violet. I know that and I promise you that she’s watching you right now, smiling and thanking you for keeping her memory alive. Because that’s the kind of person that she is... she was, I mean.”

I see the look in Violet’s eyes, she’s in pain and it’s an emotion I’m far too familiar with. I had the same look for so long and even now it comes back occasionally. I will never get over losing Jade but I will strive to make her proud of me, I still want to be the kind of man she would love if she were still her.

When a tear slides down Violet’s cheek, I pull her into my arms and hug her tightly. My lips press gently against her head, closing my eyes and whispering softly, “It’s okay... We have each other now.”

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