Thirty-Five: Every Day
I sit in my bed, my back against the headboard and I stare at the bathroom door that's connected to the room. Jenna is in there, she said she needed to freshen up but all I want to do it talk about what just happened.
My hand moves down to her waist, sliding underneath her shirt and up to her chest so I can cup her boobs over her bra. I have her pinned against the wall, her legs around my waist and supporting her weight with my other hand resting beneath her butt.
Jenna has her arms around my neck, her fingers tug on the hair on back of my head as we kiss and I can feel her urgency as well. It isn't just me, she wants this too and as bad as it is, I'm more focused on the moment and having Jenna in a way that I haven't in a long time.
I pull her away from the wall, holding her against me and carrying her to the bed. As I drop her back onto the bed, I look down at her, her chest heaving and hair a mess. I pull my shirt off and climb on top of her, hovering over her and taking in her features.
"You're beautiful..." I whisper.
I never had the balls to tell her it before now, but I also appreciate women a lot more than I did before. Jenna is gorgeous. And she could have been mine if I had just been willing to give her the chance and hadn't been such a jerk.
Her lips twitch and she smiles at me, "Thank you."
I lean down towards her lips while she lifts her head to try and reach mine. I brush my lips against her slowly and I can smell the scent of citrus on her body. I want her. I want her so fucking badly.
She has a bikini cover-up on, it ties in the front and as I pull the string it unties. I let my thoughts lead the way and I pull the cover-up apart so I can see her body better. Her bikini is black, a color that had always looked good on her.
I slip my hand around her waist, pulling her up slightly so I can untie her bikini top. As it falls onto the bed, I pull back to take a better look at her in her bare and uncensored glory.
"Fuck..." I mutter under my breath, my brain and my body doing two different things.
"What's wrong?" Jenna seems insecure suddenly, moving her hands to cover her chest but I stop her, holding her wrists against the bed.
"No, don't... Don't cover yourself around me, okay?" When I left go of one of her wrist, I place my palm against her cheek and cups her face in my hands, "It's me... I'm not the person who just takes what he wants anymore, you know?"
She nods her head slowly, "Yeah... I get that."
"My body and everything in me wants this. I want you more than I can even tell you," My eyes lock with hers and I can see the stress in her eyes that I'm causing, "And my brain keeps telling me to stop before I destroy everything for the both of us."
"Mason..." She answers and I nod. I can see the realization on her face, she nods her head as well, "We're not together, Thomas. Mason and I... we're done. He broke up with me but... I need to clear things up with him before--"
"Yeah, before we do anything like this... Anything we won't be able to take back," I tell her, relieved that we both seem to be on the same page at this point in time.
Now, as I wait for Jenna to come out of the bathroom, I lay shirtless with the blanket over my waist and thinking where Jenna and I will go from here. I already have my mind filled with things I plan on saying to her.
The bathroom door squeaks open and I look to see Jenna standing in the doorway. She seems stunned and even unsure about what to expect, or maybe she's struggling with her own thoughts.
I sit up straighter, patting the spot next to me, "Hey, come sit."
Jenna walks over the the bed but instead of sitting, she stands and looks at me, "I don't want this to ruin our friendship... It means too much to me."
"Nah, it won't," I shake my head, reaching for her hand and taking it in mine gently, "Look, Jenna. You and me... This thing between us, it isn't just a spur of the moment thing, okay? I didn't stop because I don't want you. I stopped because I'm a better person now and I owe it to my brother to talk to him about this before we go further. Because this pause is temporary... After we talk to Mason, I'm going to spend the entire night showing you how badly I want you."
"Wait, you..." She slowly sits next to me, "You're saying that you actually want to continue this?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying," I nod my head, "I just can't do anything with a good conscious knowing that Mason is in the dark."
I pull Jenna next to me and we slide down so we are both laying, my arm wrapped around her shoulder. When I kiss the top of her head I can't help but feel like maybe this is right, maybe this was the plan for me all along. Jenna fits in my arms like she was made for me, though she was engaged to my brother a few days ago, she was ultimately with me first.
How can I be wrong for wanting what was mine first? Because now that Jenna and I have kissed, I want her as more than my friends with benefits like we were when we were younger. The person who I have opened myself up to more in this world, aside from Jade, is Jenna.
Mason has taken everything else in my life from me, but this time I'm going to get what I want. Ultimately, that's Jenna.
Jenna and I wake up the next morning, still in the same snuggling position that we slipped into last night. We talked until we fell asleep and I wake to Jenna standing from the bed, attempting to be quiet.
"Leaving so soon?" I ask, smiling when she turns to face me.
"I'm going to take a shower and you looked so peaceful..." She tucks her hair behind her ear, looking at the ground but back up at me a moment later, "What you said last night..."
"I meant every word," I reassure her, sitting up and yawning. "Go shower, I'll head downstairs and make breakfast... We can talk some more about it if you want, I'm sure Maks isn't going to wake up any time soon."
Jenna nods her head in agreement before heading to her room to get her things for the shower.
I watch her walking away and I finally stand from the bed, heading for the stairs. Something with Jenna just felt right last night, like maybe this entire time she had been my destiny and I just needed Jade to show me how to appreciate women.
Mason is the bump in the road that I'm fearful about. As sure as I felt last night about getting what I want and feeling like I had some kind of hold on Jenna, now that my mind is more clear I'm not sure about hurting Mason. It would destroy him and we need to think long and hard before dropping a bomb like this.
I know for certain that I want Jenna. If she had no connections to my brother we would have had sex last night and who knows about this morning, but I stopped because of Mason. Having sex with Jenna would have hurt him but telling him that Jenna and I want to try our luck together may hurt him more.
As I reach the main floor, there's a knock on the door and I drag my feet, not in the mood for unexpected guests today.
When I open the door, I'm shocked to see Mason standing there with flowers in hand and his stupid hair combed neatly.
"What the fuck, are you 007 or something?"
He chuckles and steps into the house, "I want to look good for when I apologize to Jenna... You were right, Tommy. When we spoke yesterday and you said that I wouldn't get her back if she decided to give up on me, I realized that I can go a lifetime without kids but not without her. So when it comes down to a life with kids or a life with Jenna, I choose Jenna. One hundred percent. Any and every day."
Well, if things weren't fucked up enough all ready then they sure as hell are now.