Chapter 17 words unspoken
Those horrible rides with Elliot everyday to school, definitely took it's toll on me. For all those terrifying nightmares when kept me awake for a good number of weeks, are back to haunt me in my sleep again.
Numerous sleepless nights have I spent for I was afraid if I let my eyes close I would've waken up everyone with my ear piercing scream.
Most people try to find refuge in their dreams, but my case was different. As long as I could hold on to reality, everything would be fine. The moment I let imagination take over, my whole world would be surrounded by images I had never wanted to see.
My dreams are mostly familiar. I usually end up in the car with my parents and I have to see the whole accident repeat itself all over again. Since I've grown much acquainted with the dream, it was not impossible to direct it's flow.
Only I didn't know how. My stupid subconscious mind just wouldn't listen to me. So many times have I tried to alter the end, see what would've happened if they had survived.
But every time I would end up by the window trying to break my dad free and every time wake up screaming when the goes up in flames before my eyes. The pillow usually helped to muffle my cries.
Most of my sleepless nights were spent in the hospital, when the overwhelming feeling of loss and tragedy was still heart wrenching.
Things started to ease of a few weeks after I came to New York, when I met Tyler. Things were mostly starting to get better. My life was being rebuilt again. Scar were beginning to heal.
Riding with Morris wasn't such a headache because for one, he was a professional driver and two, he was accustomed to the busy traffic of New York. So, though even highly accustomed people made mistakes, I didn't have to constantly worry about ending up in the grave.
However, if it was possible, I would rather walk through fire than ride with Elliot. But that was not the kind of luxury I could afford.
Mostly, I tried my best to ignore him as much as I could. But it impossible to ignore him when he constantly babbled about how Tyler was a heartless muderer who killed people for his amusement.
Even though I knew every word he uttered was a truth, I could hardly accept him accusing Tyler. He was nobody to tell me that I should break up with my boyfriend, because he was dangerous.
So naturally, I couldn't be blamed for throwing every colourful words I knew at him. And even though I tried my best to block out his words by putting headphones in my ears, he did manage to get out occasional attention from me.
And the result was usually a heated argument between us. If I could, I wouldn't have let him dart his eyes away from the road, but the thing was I couldn't. So, it was mostly - no always -me, who shut up first.
I even tried puncturing his car tire, but then it was no help because we would still end up together in the BMW with Morris. But still, it was still reassuring because Morris got to drive the car. However, it wasn't possible to puncture his car's tire five days a week, without anyone noticing.
Tonight my dream wasn't the usual car accident scene, instead that dead stranger was about to throw the knife at Tyler again. Only this time, I was frozen in time. I tried to run to him, but something was holding me back.
It was the seat belt around me. I tried to wrench it free, but like that time in my usual dreams it was tightly draped around me. Only this time there wasn't any broken glass pieces to cut it. Instead I was inside Elliot's car.
He turned the key and the car purred to life. I was now yelling at him to stop the car, but there seemed to be some invisible barrier between us for he couldn't hear me. Or perhaps he just ignored me.
I kept banging at the glass window, kicking the door until he disappeared from my view, still oblivious to the death threat looming over his head.
It was then that I woke up panting, all covered in sweat, with Tyler's protective arms around me. Like he always did, almost every night he was there when I woke up screaming, coaxing me back to sleep.
He never asked me what my nightmares were about. I just told him once that I usually relived the accident which took my parents away. And he didn't question anymore about them. Perhaps he knew I couldn't talk about it without arousing fresh wounds.
I couldn't quite place him now with how the first time I saw him. In the prison, all shackled and branded. Or the man who shot so many people before my eyes.
All I can think of is the boy who took me to my first date, who taught me to fall in love again. Who got me that sweet little baby panda which I would always keep close to me.
I've even named it Fluffy. Whenever I missed Tyler, I would hug Fluffy close to my chest and the longing pain seemed to sybside. And also that little heart pendant around my neck.
I've never opened it, except for when I went to shower. It actually felt like I had a part of him with me.
His intoxicating smell helped me relax in an unusual way. It was strange how he had paved his way into my heart so deep - like the rocks in the moors - that no storm could uproot it.
It was a relief to have him beside me. Although it took him a lot of effort to convince me to go back to sleep again, he never seemed to complain.
However, in the morning as my hands searched the space beside me for his warmth, all I found was the empty sheet. I wouldn't lie, it did disappoint me very much to think that I wouldn't be able to see him till I reach school.
So I did the unthinkable. I hurried into the shower, and left my hip length hair to air dry. Chose a grey t-shirt over a pair of denim shorts and rushed downstairs.
I was in so much hurry that I didn't even apply lip gloss or eye liner. Tyler never paid any attention to my make up anyway. He said ," You're so beautiful it doesn't matter what you wear. You could pull off anything. "
Whenever he was with me, he never seemed to notice others either. Bitchs like Nicole didn't bother me anymore. Tyler never even diverted his attention from me. And at first, I felt self conscious, fearing if something was there on my face. But his eyes held so much adoration I had to think otherwise.
I almost gulped down my breakfast in mouthfuls. Sophie could lecture me later about table manners, that could wait till I get back. For now, no sooner than I heard Elliot's car pulling into the driveway, did I rush out the door.
I didn't even give him the time to open his door and get out. I was inside the car and already adjusting my seat belt. You could see by the expression on Elliot's face that he wasn't expecting this.
But if I had no options than to ride with Elliot, I would rather the ride ended fast. Because then I would be able to meet Tyler sooner too.
"You seem in a hurry today", Ell commented as he started the car. I just shrugged. Of course I'm in a hurry to get away from you! I mentally yelled.
Now none of us try to fill the silence with small talk because we've both come to the conclusion that no matter what we talked about we would always end up having a fight.
Even Elliot has learned to appreciate the silence. And I didn't mind talking with him as long as he didn't come as offensive but of course, that wasn't to be happened.
What I disliked most about him was that he always dragged Tyler in each and every conversation just like Tyler brought Elliot up every chance he got. Truth be told, I didn't like either of them always saying bad things about the other, even though I knew both of them were telling the truth.
Tyler was a criminal and Elliot was imposing on most of my time. And those I would have liked to change in both of them. But of course, nobody asked for my opinion. Any word of complaint from me wouldn't have made them waver in their ways.
Although Tyler steered clear of such things concerning any kind of violence which could harm me - or at least he tried to - it was pretty much unavoidable. Once you indulge in the crime world, it's impossible to get out - not that he wanted to, anyway.
Now, I pretty much got accustomed to it myself. I didn't mind much as long as he didn't get himself killed.
I was brought back to reality as the car halted to a stop in the school's parking lot. My eyes immediately scanned the whole area searching for that familiar face. And yes, he was just there, leaning against a silver lamborghini.
I opened my seat belt rather doubtfully, wondering if it wouldn't open like in my dreams. But it opened alright and I bolted out the car towards him.
I was so excited at seeing him that the mere distance between us seemed too much to bear. Clumsily in my hurry I tripped over something - perhaps my own feet - but as always, my hero caught me before I could land face first on the ground.
I almost slammed into him. We both might have tripped backwards if it wasn't for his car stabilising us. I clung to him for dear life.
" You're suffocating me, Ari ", he said, trying to break free. "Oh sorry, I just missed you so much! ", I said finally releasing him from my deathly grasp.
" We just met last night, Ari ", he said, a crooked smile playing at his lips, which was enough to send me drooling. He was clearly enjoying this.
"Oh did we?", I said with mock surprise. Of course, we just met last night but even I don't know why it felt like a lifetime ago. If I was upto me, I would've never let him go.
"You know, how I wish I could read what goes on inside that brain of yours", he said thoughtfully. Oh and how I'm glad you can't I mentally remarked.
"So I'll give you a hint. Mostly I think about you, and when I'm done thinking about you, I think some more about you ", I said with a smile.
"And what's with this outfit, are you seriously trying to give me a heart attack ", he said tilting his head one taking in my whole output. I felt a blush creeping up my cheeks.
I bit my lip and looked down. "And not this! Do you seriously want me to take you right here?", one still at the small of my back, he pulled me closer and tilted up my face with his other hand until our lips were almost brushing.
I don't know what confidence got into me, but I was itching to close that little distance between us, longing to feel his lips against mine. So, I firmly placed my lips against his. He responded to the kiss soon enough. He liked my lower lip, his tongue begging entrance into my mouth which I offered gladly.
Tyler was my first kiss but this was the first time I've kissed him. Usually - no always - he was the one to kiss me. But if this is how it feels, I would kiss him alot more often.
His minty breath mixed with the scent of his cologne was making me crazy. I never wanted this kiss to end but like all the best things in this world come to an end, this kiss too didn't last forever.
"Are you two morning lovebirds done making out? " Baffled, I jumped a step back.
"No" Tyler stated simply before turning my face towards his.
"Oh come on! We'll be late for class ",Lily said looping her and through mine and dragging me with her. Begrudgingly, Tyler followed behind. I threw him an apologetic smile.
When we reached our first class for the day, which was physics Tyler pulled me back to place another kiss on my lips.
Lily like patiently waited for twenty seconds and then interrupted again. "Okay, enough ", she said grabbing my arm and pulling me away from him.
"Save this for later when you meet again at lunch", she said dragging me inside the class with her.
"But that's too late! ", Tyler said with mock disappointment.
"Under the present circumstances be happy that you at least get to see each other ", Lily said over her shoulder.
I caught sight of Nicole sitting at the back of the classroom, glaring at me.
I turned around and threw a flying kiss in his direction and yelled, "See you at lunch, babe"
He raised his hand and caught my kiss placing his hand where his heart was. "If I could survive that long without you ",he yelled back before turning around and disappearing.
As I had hoped it was loud enough for everyone to hear. If looks could kill I would've been dead by now, Nicole was shooting daggers at me.
It was like we were having a glaring competition. None of us wanting to be the first to look away. I didn't even even blink. I was aware of the whole class staring at me but it wasn't until someone coughed behind me and Lily dragged me to the seat beside her that I noticed Mr Herbert, our physics teacher for the first time.
"If you are done Ms Hastings, can I start my class?", Mr Herbert asked making me go red in the face. I nodded looking down, trying to hide my embarrassment.
Thank god I had kept my hair open today. My long hair helped a lot to block away the world. And I was fairly contended staring at my notebook until Lily pocked me with her finger.
'What was that?', she scribbled on her notebook. I just shrugged, I didn't know why I did that either. I don't know why I was still trying to prove her wrong but her first words to me were so deeply embedded in my heart, I just couldn't wipe them out.
It was amazing how far I have come from my first day here. From being the new, terrified girl I turned into the girl who took fights with the school's Bitchs.
Lily from being my first friend here was now my bestie. From being terrified of me getting paired with Tyler she was now supporting my decision.
As the bell rang, signalling the end of the first period gathering our things, we got up. Nicole bumped my shoulder with hers making me drop my things. She threw me a smirk before walking away.
"What's the deal with her?", I said bending down to pick my belongings. Lily bend down to help me.
"Maybe it's just pre pregnancy hormones ", she said making me gasp.
"What?", I asked again dropping whatever I had managed to gather previously.
"Rumours are she's pregnant ", she said as she gathered my things and handed them to me as we stood up. She grabbed my hand and directed us both out of the classroom since I was clearly to bedazzled to move.
"how?......when?.....who's the father?", I asked when I had regained my senses.
"I said it's a rumour but chances are that it's true", she said in hushed whishper as a group of students passed us.
"Do you know who's the father? ", I asked, now out of curiosity.
"I don't think even she knows who the father is", she remarked and we both burst out laughing.
"Being the slut that she is, shouldn't she have been more careful?", I said.
"Hardly our promlem", she said and I nodded. But I couldn't help wondering how could she forget to use protection when she was most experienced in this field than any other girl here.
By lunchtime, I still couldn't get Nicole out of my head. Tyler met me halfway through the cafeteria. Engulfing me in a warm hug before softly kissing my lips.
"It's very exaggerating have different schedules", he complained.
"I missed you so much! ", he said before meeting my lips in another everlasting kiss again.
"Seriously, Tyler! I can't believe you're still with her", Nicole said making us both turn to look at her. I tried to put a little distance between us, but his hold on me tightened.
"look, could you just do us a favour and go to he'll? " I know what you might be thinking but it was not Tyler who said this, it was me.
"What did you say to me?", she asked, astonished.
"Are you deaf! Can't you take the hint! My boyfriend is not interested in bitchs like you. So, maybe insted of wasting your time here, you should find out who the hell is the father of your child.", I said it aloud to her dismay. And from the look on her face, I must have hit a nerve.
I could see tears have accumulated in in her eyes as she looked up at the circle of students around us - some were even cheering me on - until her eyes landed on someone behind me, and a drop of tear rolled down her cheeks.
I turned around to see Tyler was staring her down. His eyes were so cold I felt a chill run down my spine. It seemed like they were having some silent conversation.
She looked down as more tears started to stream down her face. She looked at me one last time before walking away.
Her eyes held so much pain in them, I could hardly resist the urge to apologise to her. For the mere moment our eyes locked, it felt like her eyes wanted to convey something to me. Her sealed were silently whispering something in my ears, but I couldn't hear her.
The onlookers have passed on. As I stared at the now empty corridor, Tyler briskly walked past me without a word to the general direction of where Nicole went.
Before I could stop him, two hands wrapped around my neck as Lily squeaked in excitement. "I can't believe you said that on her face"
"Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have ", I confessed honestly.
"Are you kidding me! It was awesome!", she said.
"But maybe I overdid it a bit" I genuinely felt bad for saying those things to her.
"She deserved it", she said waving me off, before dragging me to the cafeteria with her.
We sat at our usual table. Tyler wasn't here yet. Everyone was merrily chatting but my eyes continuously flickered to the door, wondering what was it that I didn't know and couldn't guess.
"Huh?", I turned to look at Lily as she waited for my answer.
"I said are you coming to the party tonight?", she asked.
"What party?" I should've paid attention to the ongoing conversation.
"My birthday party ofcourse! I would really love it if you could come", Mandy said. Before I could protest, she added," you can't no to the birthday girl! Please please please please please say yes. Say yes. Please say yes"
"Don't worry. She'll be there tonight"
All pairs of eyes turned around at unison to look Tyler.