Tiny drips over water fell from my hair landing on the towel that engulfed my body. My eyes were wide, blankly staring at the enormous wardrobe in front of me. The velvet under the palm of my hand caressed my fingertips placing me further into a trance more so than I already was.
I couldn’t think straight. Every part of me couldn’t pull away from the thoughts of him commanding me, having his way with me. Part of my soul felt guilty, even disgusted in myself. What I had been through in my life should make me want to turn away, it should make me want to vomit, to panic and run. But instead all I could think of is how much further I wanted him to take it. How I wanted to be pinned down by him, bound by him, left helpless and vulnerable because I knew I would be safe and ultimately in control. But still the whole situation left a queasy feeling in my stomach, one that I couldn’t suppress.
I don’t think I had blinked in minutes as I spaced out in my thoughts. The background became a blur as my internal thoughts struggled with each other. I wanted this life, a life with him but I was having a hard time tearing myself away from the old me, the innocent me. The person I used to be gracious and all things good; helping those in need. But the old me was dragged down by fear and powerlessness. The old me was stuck in a vicious cycle of abuse and terror and that was no way to live. The new me had power, had strength and courage but I was about to walk into a life of the unknown. I knew the things I would be forced to do would weigh on me heavily as time passed. But I didn’t want to risk losing him, them, all of this. For the time being I would have to suppress the battle taking place in my mind and deduce which personality would take over after this day was through.
I could hear the faucet running in the bathroom but I never heard his voice. At least not until he was leaning against the door frame of the closet, his slacks on but unbuttoned. He was still shirtless and it didn’t matter how many times I saw him without his clothes every chiseled muscle, that deep v that ran across his waist line, the shadows of each ab, the bulging veins running up his arm caused my jaw to drop and heat to flush my center. I wanted to claw my way to him. I craved him. He was the oxygen I breathed. He was the blood rushing through my veins. I still couldn’t fathom that he was mine, truly mine.
He stood with a smirk, a with a toothbrush in his mouth staring at me. Funny how one minial thing, one human thing, could pull me out of my thoughts. Sure, he may have been Mr Mafia in real life but behind closed doors he was human. And this, this is what a relationship were supposed to feel like. One small action that normally wouldn’t be shared with another soul, taking place in front of you on a daily basis. I never had this before. The flutter in my chest that he forced from my heart. Every butterfly he created in my stomach beating their wings rapidly attempting to escape in the form of words. Bliss. That’s all it was. A blissful state of meaningless actions meant for my eyes only.
It brought a smile to my lips seeing him like that pushing any thoughts of self-doubt, regret struggle, and guilt from my mind.
“You okay baby?” he pulled his toothbrush out for a minute to speak, still leaning his shoulder against the wood of the frame.
“Mhhm. I am now. Why?”
“You didn’t respond. Didn’t know if you heard me before but when I stepped in you were spacing out. Whats racing through that pretty little mind of your?”
“Nothing love. I think I’m just tired I think.” Lies.
“Don’t believe that for a second.” His eyebrow raised at me giving him an authoritative, disapproving look. I don’t know why I ever bothered to lie to him, he knew me better than I knew myself. But he always knew when to push the matters and when to hold steady. This moment he choose correctly once more, moving past my lie. “Think you can be ready in fifteen?”
“Minutes?” I was a little shocked at the time frame but nonetheless I could manage it.
“No beautiful, seconds.” A little chuckle fell from his mouth that was currently full of froath from the toothpaste. “ Yes, Minutes. The first of your many surprises for the day is waiting downstairs.” I was taken back for a second. I thought we were going to work and now I had a day full of surprises? He turned to walk back to the bathroom with a smile on his face, toothpaste reaching the corners of his lips before he reached back grabbing the door frame pulling himself backwards. “Oh and hey, no jeans, no sweatpants, yoga pants or t-shirts. Business attire please babygirl. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
Business attire? How the fuck was I supposed to manage that? I used to wear scrubs for a living and they were practically like pajamas. Now I needed to put together a business look?
I wanted to be apart of this life entirely but when given the opportunity to do so I had no idea how to look the part or completely act the part for that matter. Sure I saw how he dressed everyday, but that was simple. Ties, slacks, dress shoes. My wardrobe had everything I could want and more but putting the pieces together seemed to be a struggle. I hated dresses and skirts, and absolutely despised heels. But I also wanted to portray how I felt on the inside, which was another mess I had to figure out.
Think Addi. My eyes paced through the hangers until a particular pair of pants stood out. Clearly something Ameila had boughten for me because I knew Adrian would never approve. I knew just what to pair it with but with that in mind I could already see Adrian’s scowl in the back of my mind.
I quickly slipped on my pants and shirt, grabbing the suit jacket off of a hanger and placing it on the ottoman in the middle of the closet. I snatched the hairband I kept on my wrist throwing my hair up in a high messy bun, pulling stands out to frame my face and a few to fall down my neck in graceful curls. I turned on my heels to open a drawer I had only ever opened once. I knew what was inside and it made me feel guilty with just a thought. I had seen it the first time I explored my new closet but I never had the courage to open the drawer since.
All I could see were sparkles blinding my eyes for the overhead lights casting down on the jewelry. Diamonds upon diamonds were settled in the drawer. Earrings, necklaces, bracelets in every color, shape, size and style imaginable. All of it pure white gold with real gems no doubt.
My stomach churned as my hands swept over each piece that had been precisely laid out next to its matching set. The tiny engraved diamonds glistened from every angle forcing me to lose my focus. My hands finally hands settled on two small studs. They were simple enough but flashy all the same. The diamond had to be at least two karats and worth a pretty penny. A pair I would have never been able to afford and would have never dreamed of ever wearing. They were most likely more expensive than most things I owed prior to coming here, but most items in this closet were. It made me uneasy knowing that I was going to be trotting around wearing thousands of dollars on my earlobes. But hey if you want to act the part you might as well look the part, right?
I sighed knowing what I had to grab next, heels. You want to act like a boss ass bitch Addi, than you have to look like a boss as bitch to start. A pair of black stilettos stood out on the shelf, the ones with the pointy toes. Somehow they fit me perfectly. No doubt also one of Amelia’s many talents.
I took one glance in the floor to ceiling mirror. I felt like Cinderella at the ball. I had the perfect shoes, perfect outfit, and an almost perfect life with a perfect man; although most of the time he wasn’t quite prince charming and I had no evil step mother just evil bastards attempting to ruin my life. I was just waiting to lose the one shoe running down the stairs as the clock strikes midnight ripping the rug from under my feet and tearing my life to shreds.
I grabbed my jacked, folding it over my arms and took one last look in the mirror. Not bad Addi. Not bad at all.
My heels clicked on the floor. Sharp pains began shooting up my calves from the uncomfortable position my feet were being forced into. He stood at the bottom of the stairs in the foyer buttoning his cufflinks almost paying no attention that I was coming. His ears perked up in attention to the click of my heels on the wooden stairs forcing his eyes to double take on me. Quickly he rushed to my side, his teeth clenched together, the scowl on his face I was expecting.
“What the hell are you wearing?” It came out in a whisper as his face towered over my own.
“What? You told me to no jeans, no yogas, no t-shirts. Right?” I grinned, slightly giving him a little hint of attitude knowing full well that was not the answer he wanted.
“This barely classifies as clothes Addi.”
I had picked out midnight black, leather skinny jeans combined with a deep v-cut lace, silky camisole tucked into my pants and pulled up slightly as to not show too many of my curves besides the ones that were already being flaunted. It didn’t necessarily show a ton of skin but it also didn’t scream business attire either.
“Oh relax Adrian, I planned on putting my blazer over it. Chill out.” My eyes rolled at him. I felt good in this outfit. I felt strong. He wanted me to step into my role, this was it. This was me doing the best I could. “You want me to act like the mafia boss’s girlfriend out in public, then I will. And wearing something like this… well lets just say it brings out a side in me I think you’ll like.”
It was subtle but I caught it, the little smirk at the corner of his lips. “Girlfriend huh? Who says you could label this?” a girlish giggle escaped my lips as I pulled the jacket on over my arms. Before I knew it, his face had returned to its stoic, emotionless state. His lips flattened as his eyes shifted from my head to my toes and back now that my jacket had been placed. “Fine. We’ll discuss you’re outfit choices later. Kitchen, now.” His head tilted to the side, motioning me toward the next room.
The smell of bacon swirled around my nose. I could hear Amelia banging around pots and pans attempting to not burn the rest of the food. That fucking girl, I swear. My nerves began to heighten the closer I became to the kitchen. Amelia’s voice was prevalent, I could never miss that. I could hear two more voices though. One sounded like Adam’s and the other…
Oh my fucking god… ALEX!
“ALEX!” I ran, well the best I could in heels. He was leaning against the counter bullshitting with the other two. There was no time for him to prepare for me as I toppled onto him forcing him into an embrace.
“Hi beautiful. Owww fuck. Easy there killer.” He winzed under my hug. “Gotta remember someone in this room decided to do a fucking number on me. Still a little sore.”
I pulled back, tears welling in my eyes and a massive smile on my face. “Well someone should decide to not get shot and then next time I won’t have to do a fucking number on him to save his goddamn life, idiot.” I shoved his shoulder. I had realized it before that to a certain extent how much he meant to me. But saying those words out loud and the way we were able to play around forced my views to adjust. He really was my brother. Not by blood, but by choice.
“As ecstatic as I am to see you, believe it or not I’m not your only surprise this morning beautiful.”
“Table.” His head tilted to the left motioning towards the dining room table. “Dr Clarks left it for you this morning with my check up. Knew you needed a few things from him. From the stories I’ve heard, sounds like you grew a pair. Miss little badass now huh?” A chuckle rose from his chest causing his hands to splint his stomach from the pain. “Fuck!”
“Not exactly” it came out muttered and with a fair amount of attitude unintentionally.
My heels clicked under me for the few steps it took to walk to the table. A black briefcase stood straight on its edge calling my name. I quickly placed it down unbuckling the two locks. It seemed like the perfect movie moment really. As I opened it I swore there were rays of golden light shining from the inside. My pupils dilated at the sight. Everything I could have wanted and more. Vials upon vials of medications I needed and some I didn’t even know the purpose of, IV start kits, fluids, needles, syringes piled high.
I must have looked like a kid on christmas morning. I glanced back at Adrian, his hands folded across his chest, his feet shoulder length apart showing off his strong stance. His lips never curved up but I could see the smile in his eyes. Anytime I was pleased, he was content.
I must have been begging him with my eyes, or he read the look on my face exceptionally well. He shook his head side to side and finally let out a small laugh as his eyes cast towards the ground. His eyes looked back up at me while keeping his head down.
“Do you want to go play?”
“Do I want to go play? You ask that like you don’t already know the answer. Do I want to go play? HA! You know any chance I get to cause that asshole some misery I’ll take it.” I had already started towards the office stairwell letting my words trail behind me. I shouldn’t have been this excited, but I wanted answers. I wanted to make headway.
Maybe it was the choice of clothing today but I was ready. I felt stronger and empowered and this time I wasn’t going to stop until I had what I wanted.