Whatever Is Right
‘You need to keep calm, my love.’
He rubbed my knee reassuringly as my leg jigged with nerves, my eyes glued to the black screen above the reception, waiting for my name to scroll along in red pixels. I was sweating and chewing on my lip, yet Cal was an oasis of calm. He was flicking through a home magazine, turning it this way and that to assess the photographs with interest as I felt bile rise in my throat and I sipped my water, praying that I was seen soon. Suddenly there was soft ping, and there was my name, Miss Gretchen Red swirling on the screen as I felt dizzy with fear.
‘Do you want me to come in with you?’ He asked and I shook my head.
‘I’ll be fine.’
‘I’m right here.’ He said, kissing my hand as I nodded numbly, walking down the pale corridor to the room indicated on the screen. I knocked softly out of courtesy as I heard a soft voice call me in. I pushed open the door and smiled, whilst my legs felt like jelly. The doctor was in her fifties, soft grey hair curled under her chin as she glanced at me kind eyes.
‘Hi Gretchen. What can I do for you today?’
I swallowed and held out my first urine of the day bottle, my hands shaking.
‘I have missed two periods. I think I may be pregnant.’ I whispered as she nodded, turning back to the screen.
‘Ok, what was the date of your last period?’
I answered her questions robotically as she took the sample, dipping a thin stick into it then placing it on top whilst she stood watching it, her hands on her hips. I stared at the floor, feeling about ten years old suddenly, sat in the headteachers office about to be given a bollocking.
‘You are indeed pregnant.’
I closed my eyes as I heard her shuffling over to the desk, tapping onto her computer as she glanced at me.
‘Is this good news to you?’ She smiled kindly as I looked at her in shock.
‘I’m not entirely sure how I feel. I’m sorry.’
She held her hand up as she turned a calender in her hands then looking up at me.
‘Thats an entirely normal reaction. From my calculations you are approximately eight weeks pregnant. A scan will confirm that though, but we don’t offer them until twelve weeks. Are you in a relationship?’
‘I am, yes. He’s in the waiting room.’
She nodded as she handed me some leaflets, her eys crinkling as she smiled.
‘Ok well you will receive an appointment from the midwife when you reach twelve weeks. If you need any further information from us just call. Is there anything you want to ask now?’
I shook my head as she smiled.
‘Ok then, congratulations.’
I turned and walked out of the door, my heart in my throat as I walked back down the corridor.
I was pregnant? I was going to be a mummy?
Cal has his hands laced behind his head, jumping up when he saw me.
‘Are you ok?’ He asked gruffly and I nodded, pulling him to the exit. When we got outside I began to cry, and his eyes filled with worry.
‘Baby, whatever the doctor said, we can get through it. I swear. Come here.’
He held me in his arms and I cried before pulling away from him, looking up into his eyes, my heart thumping in my throat.
‘You’re going to be a daddy, Cal.’
He blinked, a broad smile spreading over his face.
‘No fucking way.’
I nodded as his eyes searched mine anxiously.
‘Are you happy? Whatever you want-’ He began his supportive spiel, which I interrupted suddenly, kissing his mouth.
‘I want. I’m in shock, but Cal, a mini us.’
Suddenly I felt the floor disappear from beneath my feet as he lifted me into the air, swirling me around.
‘Oh baby, I’m so fucking happy right now, you’ve got no idea.’
I bit my lip as our lips met, a new feeling enveloping me as I saw his eyes gazing at me like they did the first time he saw me.
‘I couldn’t wish for anyone better than you to be a mother to my child.’
I felt tears fill my eyes again as he pulled me close, kissing my head as his arms circled me protectively.
‘The baby is due in seven months Cal, what am I going to do about school?’ I chewed on my fingernail as he sighed, guiding me towards his car.
‘We can speak with the college, see what your options are. What are you thinking of doing?’
I couldn’t think, my head too busy with images of our unborn child, would he or she have my eyes or Cals?
‘Oh god, our parents.’ I groaned as he smiled, almost as though he had already thought it through.
‘I need to be honest. I have booked to take you away, to Paris. I’m not entirely sure that its the best idea, considering how ill you have been. I’d really not take you on a flight over the Atlantic to a foreign country.’ He grimaced as he thought about it, his eyes filled with anxiety. My heart swelled with love for him, and I reached for his hand.
‘You’re so romantic. Paris? For my birthday?’
His lips kissed my hand softly, his green eyes piercing into mine and making my skin heat up instantly.
‘You have many more birthdays. I’ll take you, and our baby around the world if thats what you want.’ His hands fell to my stomach, caressing it softly. I didn’t think I could have felt more love for him than I did right now, and I threw my arms around him.
‘Shall we get you home?’
He opened the car door and gazed at me as I climbed in gingerly, suddenly aware I was carrying a tiny human in my womb. He shut the door carefully before making his way to the drivers side, climbing in beside me and grinning inanely at me.
‘I’m so fucking happy, Raven. I want to go and buy a whole new nursery for the little bean.’
‘Bean?’ I laughed as he drove, his hand on my thigh lovingly.
‘Yeah, its like, the size of a kidney bean. I looked it up last night whilst you were sleeping.’ He looked over at me and smirked as I laughed.
‘Yeah, you said you had missed two periods so I guessed you were about two months pregnant. Either that or a whole host of other terrifying things that could be wrong with you.’ His jaw clenched as I watched him drive, his thumb now running circles on my thigh.
‘Is our house big enough for a baby? Is it in the right area?’ I suddenly panicked at the thought of being a mother in New York. I had visions of me hauling a screaming baby onto the subway whilst sweating buckets, everyone sneering at how bad a mother I was. A smile played at his lips as he glanced at me, before focusing back on the road.
’Listen to me Gretchen, you and this baby will want for nothing. Anything you want, or need, you’ve got it. Just tell me.′
‘What if it means no more mafia stuff?’ I bit my lip as his eyes hardened, his poture deflating as he let out a sigh. He pushed his hair back in irritation before answering me.
‘Whatever is right for us. As a family.’
Relief coursed through me as we sat in traffic, my eyes darting around the streets around us looking for babies and mothers. Cal would be as good as his word, that I knew. I just also knew that there was a side to him I was either going to have to accept that I didn’t know it, or decide if he needed to change it.
If that was even possible.