The whole house was a mess the only room that was clean was the kitchen as if it had not been touched since I left 3 days ago. I did not make any sound other than quietly putting my bag down in case he was asleep because I heard a sniffling sound coming from the bedroom and I thought he had a cold and was sleeping.
“Kristin is that you?” his voice sounded all snotty which made me think cold even more
“Yes Todd it’s me, go back to sleep I’ll get you some tea for that cold” I could at least be nice he was after all my husband.
He walked into the hallway holding tissues and looking so forlorn and his eyes were all red and I knew in an instant that it was not from a cold. He ran over to me and grabbed on, and began to apologize to me for his behavior three days ago. He could not believe how badly he treated me and how he could he think I would ever do something like that. He told me that it just seemed like we were growing apart day by day and he could not lose me.
I told him I did not have an affair and the neighbor was a damn liar. I did not assure him that I would not have one because I could not promise him that. He told that his affair was over and he wanted to try to work on our marriage. He said he was going to go take a nap and asked if I wanted to join him and I knew he wanted to make love to me. I told him I had to clean the living room and I was just not ready for that step yet I do not think he understood but he really did not have much of a choice since I was in charge of my body not him.
I used to think that when he wanted sex it was up to me to give it to him but I will not let that happen anymore, especially since he just sat here and told me that his current affair was over and he wanted to give our marriage a go at it I mean come on how cold hearted can one mad be. I am so glad I know this know I guess he decided that it is better to clear the air if he thinks we are going to heal this marriage but I do not think I want to heal it yet. As I still feel broken and hurt I wanted to hurt him more which is wrong of me but I will be damned if he thinks because he said he was sorry that I was going to go jumping into the sack at least with him.
I cleaned the living room up and opened the windows as it smelled like something had died in there and I knew what it was, It was my hopes and dreams, I really did not see this marriage lasting too much longer I could not imagine what he was thinking by telling me outright that he had an affair I mean I suspected that he was unfaithful but to hear that his CURRENT affair was done I mean how many has he had?
I was glad that I got my own bank account and that we had an extra room that we had set up as a guest room because I knew just where I was going to be sleeping for a while. I could not imagine him touching me in any way at all, now if he was Brian I sat down because I got to thinking about all that I could do with Brian and got hot just thinking about it.
I wanted so badly to see him or to talk to him but I knew he could not come here because Todd was home but what was to stop me from visiting a friend. I took a shower and left Todd a note telling him I was going to a co-workers place and I left.
I got to Brian’s apartment and did not know if I was there for a friend or a lover. I decided to start as friends and see where it went from there. I just knew I needed a friend first and I had nobody else in my life to talk to. Finally got up the nerve to knock on the door feeling like a teenage that was calling her first boy, my palms were sweaty, heart racing and my mouth was so dry it felt like the desert.
Brian answered the door and seemed shocked that I was there and I told him that I almost did not go over but I really needed someone to talk to, since he was my only friend in the world other than Todd I went to him I hope he did not mind.
“Kristin I do not mind if you come over the place is a bit messy but you are welcome to come in, I do not have and tea but I do have coffee and soda which is very cold and some snacks if you want.”
“No coffee for me “I said with a grin ’The soda sounds great though” he showed me into the living room which was very neat for a single guy. He had a briefcase that was spilling out papers from work but I know I have done that many times so it did not bother me.
His furnishings were second hand you could tell but that did not bother me they looked comfortable and to me material possessions did not seem to matter as much as it did to Todd who only expected the best of everything.
I sat down as Brian went into the kitchen to get us some snacks and soda. When he got back into the living room he sat in the chair away from me not on the couch where most guys who knew they could possibly get something from a woman and Brian knew I was more than willing.
I told him what had happened when I got home how the house was a mess and smelled horrible, how he was crying and I had a feeling drinking for three day and how he said that he wanted to work on our marriage. Then he told how his current affair was over and he wanted to dedicate more time to me since his time had been freed up. Then I think Brian was stunned when I told him that Todd wanted me to come lay down with him since we both knew what that meant.
“No I could not do that especially since I do not know how I am feeling right now, so I decided to clean the smelly living room and as I was cleaning It I realized the stench was my hopes and dreams that were dead in that room.” That was when I realized I needed a friend and did not have one other than him
I told him that I did not know what to do anymore and I needed a friend. I explained how I felt about him but for now I simply needed a friend and I hope that was alright with him I did not want to lead him on or anything and if he felt that was what I was doing I would back off right then and there.
“Kristin I want you badly, more than I ever wanted another woman in my life but I am your friend as well so I will respect your wishes but if you every change your mind I am here” he smiled
“Thank you Brian, it makes me feel good to have a friend like you” It felt good to have to have someone to talk to that did not want something from me, let me rephrase that he did want something from me but was willing to put friendship first. Everyone else in my life just took and took and expected me to give and give until I had nothing else to give.
I got to Brian’s apartment around six that evening and left around eight it was not very log and we spent most of that time talking, some of that time just sitting there I knew Todd would not know where I was since Brian’s place was across town but I did not want to push my luck.
I got home and Todd was awake watching the television and all he asked was if I would be willing to make him something to eat. I made him a simple omelet which he devoured as though he had not eaten in days and praised it like a three course meal.
He asked if I was going to sleep with him that night and I told him that I was going to be sleeping in the guest bedroom until I figured out my feelings. He was not happy but he understood in a way.
I walked into work on Monday and saw how much work I had to do and was stunned I knew that I would be lucky to get it done by lunchtime and normally after lunch I would help the others on the floor. I ended up staying at work until after five because Claudine dropped half of her workload onto my desk and then went and got more from her desk and said she was not able to get it all done.
I knew that she spent most of the day on the phone but I knew it had to get done so I buckled down and did it but marked down what happened since I was told to keep a diary of sorts and turn it over to Mr. Evans.