I was sitting in the little open balcony that looked over the beautiful garden Lo's family had in the back of their house. I had a beer bottle in my hand, it was my third. I wasn't drunk, but there was a nice buzz in my brain. I thought if I downed enough alcohol, I'll be able to forget about my fucked up life and my even more fucked up mind. I took a long swig and the first tears fell from my eyes. I was crying. I was crying for myself. For my life which was in the gutter. For my mind which had way too many demons for me to fight and for the beautiful blue eyed man sitting in his brother's room with a bottle in his hand, who would never be mine and who also happened to have my damaged, broken heart.
I had tears streaming down my face when I had a strong arm snake around my small waist and the feeling of a broad, warm chest hit my back.
"Why are you crying Fey?" I smiled through the tears at the nickname my best friend's brother had for me. Jude, my Sky, the man of my dreams since I was thirteen. I knew better than to lean into his wonderful heat but my three-bottles-of-beer induced brain told me it would be amazing, so I leaned into his chest and his arm got tight around me.
"Just thinking about my fucked up life." I quietly answered him. Basking in the smell of him all around me.
"Hey it's not that fucked up, you have me in your life." He joked as he wiped my tears away with his other hand.
He was right, he didn't know how right he was. He made my life a little bit bearable. So did his brother, who was my best friend but that was in a different way. Lo was the brother I've always had when I had no-one else, and Jude was the lover I'd give everything to have but never can.
Because I didn't deserve him.
But tonight, just this one night, I can sit in his arms and drink beer and forget about everything else. Pretend that I belonged there in his strong arms.
So I just nodded as I looked up at him. He was close. Too close for my peace of mind. His beautiful face tilted slightly as he looked down at me. The faint light of the garden fell on his perfect jaw and his full lips, his blue eyes glinted in the moonlight.
I often asked myself what would have happened if my brain had just a bit more self control. Things would have turned out differently. But I didn't. I couldn't help myself, I had to kiss him. At least once. In all my despicable life, I wanted just one taste of the man I loved.
So I kissed him.
I knew this was the first and last chance I'd ever have to kiss him, or have him this close to me. So I poured every bit of my emotions into the few seconds my lips touched his. I eagerly tasted his lips. They tasted like beer and Jude, it was the most intoxicating taste I've ever known.
I pulled away after five seconds. Whispered a broken "sorry" and tried to get away so I can go to Lo's room and pass out and get out of there before he wakes up in the morning.
But his strong arm had turned to iron and I couldn't move it. So I looked up with confusion into his eyes, and his lips crashed into mine.
I was shocked, so shocked that I gasped into his lips. His tongue entered my mouth and everything else fell around me. I often thought that if the world was ending in that very moment, I'd be happy to be in his arms as he kissed me breathless. I'd die and be over the moon that the last moments of my life were spent in his arms.
When his mouth sucked on my tongue, I moaned. He detached our mouths only to turn me around so I was facing him and then pulled me onto his lap so I was straddling him. He joined his mouth to mine again as I kissed hungrily this time, eliciting a deep moan from him. He stood up, my slender legs around his lean but strong hips and my arms around his neck, his hands on my ass as he carried me to his room and dropped me into his bed.
I sat up and tried to open his shirt but he kissed me again. This time he urgently kissed down my jaw, my neck. He detached his mouth for a second to open my t-shirt and throw it on the bed before his mouth latched onto my neck again and I moaned out loud. I started to unbutton his shirt and he let me. When I unbuttoned it fully, he got rid of it quickly and pushed me into the bed and his mouth latched onto my nipple. He sucked it hard into his mouth and I moaned again as my head pressed deeper into the pillow. He slowly kissed down my stomach. Taking his time to kiss it and caress it. I was thankful for the lack of light in the room because if he had seen my ugly scars, he'd never want me. When he reached the waistband of my jeans, he looked up at me with frenzied eyes. As if seeking my permission. I nodded frantically as I added a desperate "please" as I held onto his arms. Part of me was surprised because I always knew he was straight and never thought he'd actually want to do anything to me. But mostly I was too turned on by the feel of his hands on my body as he slowly unbuttoned my jeans and pulled it down along with my underwear. He got rid of them quickly and he suddenly turned to the switchboard and turned the light on.
I saw the shock on his beautiful flustered face as he saw my scars. And I was suddenly self-conscious. I tried to cover my body with my arms and legs but he stopped me. Holding my arms apart beside my body as he put one knee between my legs and spoke in a low, gentle voice.
"I wanna see, Fey."
If he asked like that, I'd probably open my heart out and show it to him, but I nodded, lying down again, bare and naked under his soul stripping gaze. A shiver ran through me at my vulnerability but I knew that Jude would never hurt me. His eyes travelled my whole body before it landed on my cock. Said cock twitched in anticipation under his heated gaze. He looked up into my eyes.
"Fuck! you're so beautiful Fey!" He growled and crawled on top of me. He came so close to my face that there was barely any space left between our lips.
"I hate whoever did that to you baby, and if you want, I'll happily rip them apart limb from limb. But fuck, you're the most beautiful human I've ever seen." He said and he kissed me. His words warming my soul as I snaked my arms around his neck.
After that things went pretty quickly. We couldn't seem to get enough of each other. When he took my cock in his mouth, I moaned so loud, probably everyone in the house could hear me. But I also didn't care. He put his finger slowly in me while still sucking me as I desperately writhed for more. He stretched me out with two fingers, alternating between kissing and licking my cock and peppering soft kisses on my thigh. When I couldn't take it anymore, I begged him.
"Please fuck me Jude, I need you to fuck me. Please, Sky." His heated eyes flashed with desire at the pet name. He nodded as he got rid of his jeans and underwear. His beautiful, big cock standing in attention between his toned legs. He looked at me biting his lips.
"I don't have lube baby." He told me apologetically. I shook my head.
"I don't need it, I need you. Please." I begged again before stroking his arms.
He looked at me with lust and something deeper in his eyes that took my breath away. I sat up to kiss him.
"Please. I promise I don't need it Sky." I pleaded him again. I needed to have him inside me before he changed his mind.
Something shined in his eyes.
"I don't have lube but I do have some Vaseline. And a condom. That'll work right? You'll hurt less right?" He asked me. I frantically nodded my head before kissing him again.
He got the jar of Vaseline and condom, but I couldn't resist it. I got down to my hands and knees as I took his length in my mouth, moaning softly as he hissed and freed my hair from it's tie. He bunched my hair up in his fist and slowly fucked my face. I looked up at him and he murmured some filthy encouragements at me that made me moan and touch my own cock.
He pulled me up and kissed me again before ordering quietly.
"On your back for me, honey."
I wasted no time in lying back and holding my legs wide apart for him. He put some Vaseline in his fingers as he stretched me again, before putting on a condom and lubing it up with the rest of the Vaseline. He positioned his cock at my entrance and asked.
I nodded and murmured another "please" as he slowly, oh so fucking slowly, entered me.
I moaned when he was in me to his hilt. He pressed down and kissed me. Giving me time to adjust to him. When I urged him to move, he started moving slowly between my legs, making me see stars as I closed my eyes and moaned and screamed. He started picking up his pace and changed his position a bit, picking my legs up, that way, with every thrust, he was brushing my prostate. I thought I'd pass out from pleasure and the delectable pain that his cock gave me as he stretched me out beautifully.
"Fuck I'm close." He growled in my mouth before putting one of his hands in my hair and took the other to stroke my throbbing and leaking member. It took him three thrusts and five strokes to make me come undone all over his hand and my stomach as I screamed his name. After three more thrusts he came inside me. When he screamed a broken "Fey!" it was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.
When he pulled himself out of me after a minute or so, a mew of protest came out of my throat. He smiled and kissed my head before leaving the bed and going to the bathroom. He came back with a wet cloth and cleaned my stomach. Went back to the bathroom tossed the cloth aside and switched off the light before coming back to bed and lying beside me. I watched him for signs of regret and guilt but there were none. He contently pulled me into his arms and as I nuzzled his chest, he murmured a "goodnight, beautiful." into my head before kissing my hair.
I allowed myself a stupid little fairytale and melted into his arms.
But I slid out of his arms at six in the morning because I knew he'd want me gone. But the main reason why I left my bleeding heart with the man that I loved that day was because I knew he deserved way more than I can ever offer him.
With one last look at the sleeping angel I ran out of the room and the house. I ran until I reached the main road and got the first bus to my home.
I never looked back again.