Chapter 21: Amaya
Aaron and I haven’t left each other’s sides since we spoke about him calling Shawn which I’m not really opposed to seeing that I don’t want to be alone in times like these but it gets to be a bit much when I can’t go to the bathroom in private. Twice already I’ve had to go to the bathroom and each time he held his hand out for me to take as I peed which wasn’t the most comfortable experience for me but I just dealt with it.
The same thing for when he was in the bathroom but his wasn’t just peeing, nope, he had to poop to and I had to sit there listening. I know that as I parent I should be used to these things, but is it ever a fun experience to listen to someone crap or hold their hand in the process for anyone, because that doesn’t sound like a fun time for anyone. It doesn’t matter if you’re close with the person or not.
Currently I’m hoping that he’s done for the night as I get him ready for bed, pulling his Star Labs shirt on over his head and helping him into a pair of sweatpants. His hands go to my shoulders as he steps in, taking it one leg at a time.
I look up and into his eyes seeing flashes of Shawn in each of his features that seem to be unforgettable, but my favorite feature of his that hasn’t shown all day is his laugh and I just want to hear it. That laugh makes me feel like I can be at peace whether it comes from him or his father because it makes me feel like I’m doing something right.
I wrap my arms around him once he’s fully clothed, placing a kiss on his cheek as he holds me too.
“Together you, me, and everyone else are going to get through this,” I whisper to him before my hand lands on his cheek. “We’ve just gotta have faith.” He sighs out and I can tell he’s thinking the same as me, how? It’s a question that we’re going to have to find the answer to as we go on. “You want a bedtime story?” I ask while lifting him up and moving towards the bed. I look down to him and notice how he nods his head.
I take a seat with him in my lap, keeping my arms around him.
“Which story do you want to hear?” Something tells me I already know the answer.
Aaron quickly twists in my arms to point to my chest before mouthing out, ‘Daddy.’ I take in a deep breath as I nod. If he wants to hear about Shawn and I’s story again then I’ll give him the story, but I don’t know the level of what I should tell him.
“When I was younger, just about your age, before I had met Shawn or any of the others, I was sad. I didn’t want to talk to anyone unless it was my mom or Jonah, Derrick was in our lives and he tried with me, he was actually the only other person that had gotten me to talk when we would spend time together.” I fight off a sad smile as I think about those times, back when I was feeling the smallest bit of what Aaron felt.
Aaron leans back in my arms, throwing his legs around my waist.
“Life was lonely, sad, because at that point it felt like I was alone. I was abandoned and maybe you feel that same feeling right now.” Aaron looks up slightly, his sad eyes landing on me and I can tell he wants me to continue on with the story. “You remember how I told you Derrick wasn’t always so bad, and the way he used to act with you?” He nods slowly. “Well, he used to be like that a lot more, he used to smile too, and would laugh when he came home. I remember I used to love him as though he were my father too, but things shifted.
“Now we’re getting to the better part, so pay attention. On my first day of kindergarten, Shawn found me, well actually, he ran into me full speed, looking at me with these eyes that had the most beautiful shine. You have those eyes too.” I feel myself choking up as I think about Shawn. “He had these freckles all over his face that I could only imagine making a precious image when connected, his voice was that of an angel and even if I didn’t know it back then, I was falling for the person that would make my life worth every piece of aggravation and heartache. He gave me you.”
Aaron’s eyes start to get watery as he rests his head on my shoulder.
“You look like him. When I look into your eyes I can see not just you, but I can see all the years your father and I have known each other. I hope you know that you make him nothing but proud, you’re always going to make him feel that way. I’m proud of you too and I want you to know that you’re stronger than I was back then.” I brush his hair away from his face before squeezing him a bit tighter.
“Shawn was and still is the person that can make you laugh no matter what situation you land yourself in. You’re capable of doing that too and though it seems so hard I want you to know that you can still do that-” Aaron lets out a small yawn and I can tell he’s tired.
“Let’s get you to sleep.”
He shakes his head. ‘I want to finish the story,’ he mouths out with a pout.
“You’ve heard it a million times, Kangaroo, and if you really want to hear about it, I’ll tell you tomorrow. Now get some rest.” I stand once again, this time to place him under the covers on the bed; I pull them up to his chest. “I’ll be back in ten minutes.”
Aaron nods slowly while hugging the blanket to his chest.