Chapter 27: Amaya
“Amaya, Amaya,” a voice calls out for me along with the accelerated heartbeat being portrayed by the heart monitors. My eyes are met with the sight of a bright light, forcing me to close my eyes once again. “She’s calming down a bit.”
“W-What’s going on?” My voice comes out meekly.
“Ms. Wolff, what a relief it is to hear you speaking. Your heart started speeding up while you were sleeping, your siblings came and got me. None of us could figure out what was happening, so we chose to just keep checking on you every five minutes to make sure nothing abnormal occurred.” I open my eyes, this time expecting the blinding lights but they’re nowhere in sight.
Icy blue eyes full of relief come to view before I force myself to sit upright.
“Are you my doctor too?” Dr. Martin nods.
“I’ve been your doctor since you had your seizure earlier today, and they paged for whichever doctor could get to you first. You’ve been through quite a lot and I was hoping to be of any help that I could,” Dr. Martin says as he starts checking everything to make sure I’m okay.
“How’s Shawn doing?” I ask while bringing my hand to the back of my head.
“He squeezed your son’s hand a little over an hour ago.” I do a double-take. Shawn squeezed Aaron’s hand.
“Does that mean he’ll wake up soon?” a fresh ring of hope pulses through my veins at the thought of speaking to Shawn again and having him say something back to me. I want to fix things with us instead of having all this guilt weigh down on me. Not to forget the fact that he deserves to know that yes, he might be getting the daughter he desperately wanted.
“It sure is a possibility, but the hand squeeze could’ve also just been a reflex of sorts. Have you ever held someone’s hand when they were asleep and then they squeezed you back but you could clearly see they were sleeping?” I nod slowly, losing the small amount of energy I had just a few moments ago.
Shawn could still be like this on Christmas Day.
“Don’t get so glim, as you’ve heard before, people in comas tend to run on their own schedules and he can wake up whenever as long as he continues to fight his way out.”
“It’s best not to worry ourselves with the what-if scenarios, you need to just have faith in him. Science and faith each can take us quite the distance, Ms. Wolff. Now do you love Shawn?” Why such a personal question? I nod my head despite the heartbeat in my head. “Then allow that love you feel for him to guide him back home, he wouldn’t want to leave you or others he cares about devastated and in mourning.
Why does it feel like I’m already mourning for him when he’s right there?
I can feel the need for vengeance biting away at every single point of my existence and I notice that I want nothing more than to fulfill that desire, but I need to figure out a lot more.
“Thank you, Dr. Martin, for everything you’ve done.” He hands me a pearly smile before nodding.
“The work isn’t done yet, but I’m gonna leave so your brother can come in, he’s been standing outside since I came in. Call if you need anything.”
I’m alone again for a single moment which isn’t enough for my splitting headache to dissipate but I don’t care because Aaron comes running in. His arms already up and ready for me as he jumps onto the bed to throw them around my neck. I hug him close to my chest, squeezing him as though I haven’t held him in forever.
“Estoy bien, Canguro,” I whisper in his ear.
I bring him that much closer when his cries start to get a bit louder, the whole situation weighing down on him. His hold becomes a bit tighter as if he’s scared I’ll be gone when he lets go.
“I’m okay.” Physically, not mentally.
Why can’t any of us catch a break?
Shawn was going through a tough enough time when those guys came and attacked him. Xavier’s mom shows up days after Shawn gets hurt, wanting to know him. I can’t imagine what he’s feeling right now, having his heart shattered twice not even a week apart. Then there’s Aaron, I can sense the amount of pain and guilt he’s feeling for what happened even though it doesn’t fall on him. Hell, he’s not even speaking anymore and it all traces back to that day.
Five days, that’s how long it has been since I’ve heard him speak a word. If we’re talking face to face, it’s been a whole week.
“You see, Aaron,” I say as I take his hand in my own and squeeze it gently before bringing it up to my lips to peck it. “You don’t have to be scared about me leaving. I can’t leave you too, not after the last time, and I’m so sorry for doing that. I can’t promise you that I won’t make any more mistakes, but I promise you I’ll try harder. I love you too much.” He nods into my shoulder, still squeezing me for dear life.
For now, we’re facing things without Shawn and I can’t push him away too. You scare the hell out of me twice, only hours apart, might I add. Sólo puedo soportar tanto,” Jonah murmurs as he stares me down. I nod to him. I can’t take much more either. “¿Así te sentiste cuando me dispararon?” I hold Aaron a bit closer, now using him for emotional sleep though I can feel him drifting to sleep in my arms.
Jonah just brought up how he got shot, and yeah, I know it’s on his mind from time to time, but he never speaks about it.
“Algo así, yo también estaba enfadado.” Very, very angry.
“Can I apologize real fast for-”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” I state, leaving no room for debate. I eye Jonah as he steps to the foot of the bed and takes a seat.
“Yes, I do. Once I was placed in that wheelchair it’s like I was turned into this brand new person, and not in a good way. I created this big rift. I shouldn’t have done that when you’re one of the only people that are always in my corner. You always tried to protect me and I didn’t appreciate you enough.” A sad smile spreads across his tired face.
“You don’t have-”
“Yeah, I do. Look, I couldn’t grasp the fact that things were and still are drastically changing.” I catch a glimpse of his tear tracks.
“You’re breaking right in front of me, you don’t have-”
“Can you let me get this out?” Jonah scooches a bit closer to me. I glance down at Aaron’s face, once again, this time noticing how his mouth is slightly open and his breaths are shallow. “You were lost in Shawn and I with Alexis. You’ve got Aaron and other things going for you… so I didn’t want to interrupt all that you have going for you. I’m damaged and would prefer not to do the same to your family.”
“Shawn, Aaron, and any other children in my future aren’t my only family. You’re my brother, Jonah Darius Wolff, and nobody can change that.”
“But it didn’t feel that way,” he sighs out, “after you and Shawn got back together we didn’t spend any time with just us anymore.” I just can’t keep messing up, can I?
“I’m sorry that I made you feel like there wasn’t enough room for you too.”
“No, Amaya, that’s not on you. Things have just been piling onto my shoulders making these thick layers around me, finding out about Derrick and everything else didn’t help a thing.” I feel my heart jolt at the mention. “You’re okay, aren’t you?”
“Esa es una pregunta difícil de responder,” I answer back while running a hand through Aaron’s hair.
“Why, because you want to find Derrick?”
“Yep, it was one of the things he was ranting about after he left out of here earlier. I calmed him down though, and in the process, he told me all about your little plan. Well actually, what he knew, I’m guessing there’s more to it.” I nod but don’t give him any details. “I could tell you how stupid this is… or I could give you this.” Jonah takes my hand into his own, leaving a piece of paper in my palm. “His number is on the paper, he doesn’t have a set address, he’s been a nomad as of lately. Finally, he’s got a new name, Dominic Malone.”
“When did you-”
“I’ve had the information since three days before the accident, I was thinking about contacting him but decided against it. What I’m going to say about everything is to be good and careful when it comes to him and call for help if you need them.” Jonah stands before taking his phone from him pocket.
“I have something for you,” he says before taking off his phone case and pulling out a folded piece of paper, he holds it out for me. “Ace’s dad told me to give this to you after he found out about Shawn.”
“No problem.” Jonah hugs a light brown jacket to his chest before he starts fidgeting around. “I have to go a few hours but I’ll be back by the end of the day.”
“I’ll bare snacks too.”
“Be careful out there, you aren’t exactly back to a hundred percent just yet,” I warn him and I hope for his sake he listens to me with that hard head, but I can’t be one to talk, I have one too.
“Sure, you too, because I know that by the end of the day you’ll try sneaking out.” I let out a small laugh but make sure not to be too loud so Aaron doesn’t wake up.
“I haven’t decided, and Jonah?”
“What’s the likelihood that Xavier’s going to be ready to speak to me by Monday?” Jonah lightly shrugs his shoulders before scratching the peach fuzz on his chin.
“He’ll most likely be ready to speak to you with the thought of you doing something stupid,” he glances down at my hand, “like that. He’s only worried about you, because to him, you’re family. He doesn’t want to push you away because as he said, he’s lost a lot.”
“I really didn’t want to piss him off but-”
“This is something you feel like you have to do, I get that, but he doesn’t see things the way you do. Not everyone sees things the way we do, even when we explain things to them. But, I don’t believe it’ll be much trouble to get back on his good graces. Don’t stress yourself too much.” Jonah zips his jacket up to his neck.
“I’ve seriously got to go now, but call if you need me or my skill sets.”
“Sure, I’ve got you.” He grins before walking out of the room, leaving me alone with Aaron and even though he’s sleeping, I don’t feel alone. I’ve got faith in Shawn to think he’ll be back to us soon and until then, being with my favorite four-year-old is great for me.