As I sit in the front seat of my car holding onto her hand I swear to all God I feel my heart pounding away at my chest similar to the rolling drums in the song Africa by Toto.
She's just so beautiful and soon she'll be my wife, I know that seeing that she already agreed to marry me, but that doesn't take away my nerves any. Why am I so damn antsy when it comes to her?
When we're together it's like I can see our whole lives, whether it be our past experiences or my somewhat high hopes for the future. She's given so damn much already and doesn't even realize all that she has done, and with that being said, I want to give her my all. She deserves nothing less.
"Wanna tell me what name you were thinking of?" she asks over the quiet hum of my car driving through the still semi-starry night.
"Mm, I don't know..." I find myself tapping my chin as if I'm deep thought about it.
It's not like I'm concerned she's nothing going to like the name or something, I actually think she's going to love it, but it's fun seeing her hang onto my every word. She usually has me doing that with her and I honestly think it's time things were flipped.
"Oh come on, Shawny, I want to know, and I'll tell you the name I was thinking of for a boy if we have another one," she gambles. Ooh, I like that idea.
"Okay, let me hear yours first," I request.
"Nope. You've been sitting on yours far longer so I want to hear it." I can't say that surprises me.
I let out a deep breath to make it seem like I'm seriously contemplating my options but I already know what I'm choosing. I'm all too curious of this boy's name and she's waited long enough to hear the girl name.
"Iris Jourdyn." The name rolls off of my tongue and I swear I'm in love with it.
"I like it, a lot actually, but it seems we're going to be one of those people and we didn't even come up with the names together," she says through what I would guess is a smile but couldn't be too sure since my eyes are still on the road like the responsible driver I am.
"One of those what?" I ask confused.
"The name I came up with is Cyrus Judah." I hold her hand a bit tighter as I try to force my eyes to stop watering. Cyrus Judah Harper. "I know how close you are with your mom's side of the family and, in a way, this is for them too, but mostly your mom. She has always been there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on in ways similar to you and Xavier, she is family, and since the last name is already Harper I figured we could name a boy Cyrus. Your mom's maiden name.
"Then there's Judah, I remember you used to tell me how you see your uncle Judah as a father figure and have for a very long time. He was kind of your version of what your mom is for me, so I figured if I was mentioning your mom, though he could go under the Cyrus category, that we could give him the middle name. Now, what do you think?" I lift her hand up to my lips, pecking it twice.
"Well, I'm thinking a few things, first, if I wasn't driving and we weren't doing other things tonight we'd spend the night making out. Two, you've got a good choice in names, especially knowing that soon you're gonna be Amaya Santana Harper." I glance over to her, noticing a slight twitch in her lips, showing me that she's about to break out in a smile. "And I don't mind being one of those."
"I think we should definitely start praying that it's a boy and a girl because I don't want to think up another two names. I like names with meaning, and that takes a while to come up with the ones that sound perfect."
"I've got another name, this one for a boy," I tell her with a peak in confidence as we get closer to the spot.
"What would it be?"
"Grayson Wolff. Grayson because you used to be obsessed with the Boy Wonder back in our younger days." A smirk spreads across my face at the thought of why she said her obsession began. "Wolff since you've done so damn much in the time that you've had that name and I want our kids to do the same. Stay strong in the times where they feel as though they can't continue on. What do you think?"
I start to tap away at the steering wheel, awaiting her to tell me if she thinks the name is trashy or if she actually likes it. In my opinion, I think it's a good name, but it's an acquired taste.
"Grayson Wolff Harper," she tests the name out and I can't help but smile at her. "I'm just gonna leave the names to you for now."
"Don't do that, Love, I like Aaron Matthew and Cyrus Judah, they're good names with meaning to us individually."
Aaron's name still makes me a bit emotional hearing it since she didn't even know I was his dad when she gave him the same middle name as me.
"I guess it's a fair time to ask you how many kids you want."
Funny, I've never really sat and thought of how many children I wanted, I just knew that I wanted her to be the one to bare each of them.
"At the moment I want four, but that could change over the years. How about you?"
"I can do four. That'd mean just one more after these twins."
Well, I guess four is the magic number for us.