As I walked outside, I noticed it was a typical sunny Southern California day. Only a few clouds in the sky, simply a beautiful day. The kind when it's not too hot and you get a cool breeze every once and while. About 80 degrees, a perfect day for the beach. Instead of doing something pleasant like going to the park or beach, I was heading to my boyfriend's house to break up with him.
It wasn't because I didn't love him. God knows I do. I just didn't trust him. Besides he's going to college and I'm still in High School. I didn't want to hold him back from his college experience.
I drove in my new car. Not exactly new, but new to me. My older sister, Camden, gave it to me when she got a new car for completing her first year of college. She's obviously spoiled and a bit snobbish. The total opposite of me, but I love her dearly.
I arrived at his house a little after three. His mother and my mom's best friend, Trina, greeted me with a warm hug.
"Hey, Hayden baby. The boys are in the backyard," she said smiling.
She looked super cute in her blue dress. Auntie Trina is the most fashionable and coolest adult I've ever met. She's easy to talk to and fun. She gave birth to four of the finest boys in the world.
"Thanks, Auntie Trina," I said.
I made my way to the familiar backyard. They just landscaped, making it the hot spot to hang out this summer. Travis and Trent were throwing a football back and forth on the realistic-looking faux grass.
"Hey, bestie," I said to Travis.
He tossed the ball back to Trent then gave me a hug. He put his sweaty arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek.
"You didn't come to hang out with me huh? It's always Trent. I'm glad he's leaving so, I can get my best friend back," he said playfully.
I smiled wide as looked up at him. He always made things lighted-hearted and fun. He had no idea how much I was going to need him after today.
"Trust me you'll have me back," I said seriously.
Trent came over and pushed Travis off of me.
"Get off my girl, man," Trent said to his little brother.
"Whatever. She likes me more than you anyway." Travis scoffed.
Trent nudged him again before giving me all of his attention. His eyes crinkled and dimples deepened at the sight of me. He was about to wrap his arms around me, but I took a step back knowing I was about to hurt his feelings.
"Hey, babe. What's up?" he asked.
"We need to talk... alone," I said looking at Travis.
"We do?" Trent asked.
I nodded. Then Travis gave us a knowing look and headed back into the house. Trent grabbed a water bottle and gulped it up in what seemed to be one swallow. I was nervously picking at my gold charm bracelet that he gave me on our one year anniversary. He stared at me as I was fidgeting with it.
"What's wrong Hayden?" he asked.
"Umm... well, you are about to leave in three weeks and I think it's best that we end things," I said faintly.
He sat down on the bench with a confused look on his face.
"What?! Why Hayden? What did I do? Did I do something wrong?" he asked.
"No. You did nothing. It's just... I'm 16 and still in high school. You just turned 18 and you are going to Stanford. I don't want to hold you back. I want you to enjoy college. Be a bachelor and enjoy the whole experience," I explained.
"What? You are breaking up with me because I'm going to college?" he asked.
"Well, yes and no. It's complicated... I was thinking about everything. I'm too young to be in a serious relationship. I need to focus on school more anyway. When you go to college you'll find better girls than me anyway. Girls that will do what I won't do," I said looking down at my feet.
This was harder than I thought it would be. I couldn't look at him. I felt terrible. The more I tried to tell him why I wanted out, I felt more selfish.
"Wow! I can't believe you. Is this really because I want to have sex and you don't?" he asked.
I looked up at him with a scowl plastered on my face. It was more than me not wanting to have sex get. Sex was the thing that was tearing us apart. He cared about it more than our relationship. Now I was getting upset.
Why was he making this so difficult? I am breaking up with him nicely. I didn't understand why he couldn't just accept it.
He didn't even want to be with me anyway. All the rumors I was hearing that he's sleeping around with any girl that would give it to him. I was tired of people laughing at me and calling me stupid behind my back. Even worst, feeling bad for me. I did not want people to pity me. I wasn't weak or stupid. I knew it was unrealistic to think he would go hundreds of miles away and be faithful to me when he couldn't manage to do it living a block away.
"No. It's just over between us. You haven't been happy for the past 6 months and I know it's because of me. Honestly, I haven't been either. Let's just be friends again. I wish you the best in college. Call me sometimes. Anytime you want," I said more dismissively than I intended.
I couldn't read him. His face was stoic. I knew there that he wasn't going to fight for me and change. I slowly took off my bracelet, preparing to give it to him.
"I guess you can have this back," I said handing him the bracelet.
He held the bracelet in his hand looking down at it.
"I don't understand. I thought you cared about me," he mumbled.
"I do. I love you... I'm doing this because I care about your happiness. Trent, it's for the best. Let's just end on good terms. We will always be friends. Our families are practically family," I said.
He roughly rubbed his smooth dark brown cheek.
"Hayden, tell me the truth. Why are you doing this? I don't want to break up with you," he pleaded.
"Trent, I already told you why. I'm too young. I want you to be happy and enjoy college life. We will still be in each other's lives, just in a different way. I'll still go with you to the airport on your last day. I promise," I said.
His jaw clenched and his honey brown eyes cut into slits.
"Fine! Don't even think about coming to see me leave. I think you should leave," he said coldly.
Confused at his harshness, I took a step back from him. I really thought he would be relieved that it was over and we would just be friends again. I was hurt how difficult he was being with me and not once did he say he loved me.
"Okay. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I just wanted to give you what you needed and want. You were my first and only boyfriend and I'll never forget what we had. I hope you still want to be my friend eventually... I wish you the best," I said softly.
I knew there was nothing more I could say. He was pissed. I don't know why I thought this would turn out differently. I turned around and headed back in the house. I was trying with everything in me not to cry. I was walking toward the door when I ran straight into Travis's chest. I almost fell from the impact.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
He steadied me and looked me up and down. I saw the flash of anger on his face.
"What did he do?" he asked bitterly.
"Nothing. I need to go, okay? I'll see you later," I lied.
Somehow a tear escaped revealing my true feelings.
"Hayden, you are crying. What did he do?" he asked again.
"Nothing. It was me. I ended it. I'm sorry Travis, but I have to go," I said.
I grabbed the doorknob and practically bolted to my car. I drove to the park and just sat in my car. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to talk to anyone about what just happened. It was officially done between Trent and I. Instant regret crept through my mind. I love Trent and I didn't want to I let him go. But I needed to do this for my heart. I couldn't take how he was breaking it.
Then again, maybe I should have stayed. Endured his lies and unfaithfulness, but I couldn't take knowing he didn't love me. Besides, he was going to just cheat anyway. I couldn't take back what I did. It's over and I had a strong feeling he didn't want to see me ever again.