:1: I Need It To Stop
I've been back and forth about this for years I wanted it all to end, But I couldn't bring myself to do it I tried many times before and I figured by now it would have happened. I was abused my entire life and I thought one day that would be what killed me but it hasn't. And I can't deal with it any longer at home I'm abused by my father while my mother is out every night she barley comes home she's always at another mans house, But to be fair my father was just as bad he brought women to the house constantly younger women who crushed my mother self confidence so she turned to younger men who made her feel better. Honestly the two should have divorced years ago but for some reason they never did instead dad took his anger out on me while mom ran off to scree different men while dad brought his women to the house on the weekends leaving the week days to drinking and abusing me.
At school I was a loner and I was bullied for this I was the girl that his in the back of class and who sat alone at lunch I was pushed around by other students. I was bruised and broken by so many people that it seemed impossible to ever heal. Cruel words spat at me whilst I walked the halls many had told me to kill myself that I deserves to die. At this point I felt that everyone was right I was simply here for everyone's amusement and if it wasn't me then they would find someone else to torment. Part of the reason I hadn't done it yet I would hate to see anyone else treated the way I was and if I died those cruel kids would target someone else.
I hated going to school, But I also hated being home. I would often skip class and hang out somewhere alone like an empty classroom or under the bleachers. The bleachers were only a good idea sometimes as that is where a lot of students hid to do drugs or drink and have sex. It was frustrating not having a safe place to go.
Right now it's the middle of the night and I am standing on the same bridge I go to every time I feel the urge to end things. The water was a rapid current and I knew that many people had committed suicide here. I would just be another lost soul who couldn't handle life some would call me weak. They'd print a page in the yearbook about me then everyone would pretend they cared and cry at my funeral wishing my parents the best and talking about our fake friendships. Then they would move on with there lives and forget all about me. Maybe my parents would finally leave each other and find some kind of real happiness that would be the only bonus of my death.
The air was cold it was nearing winter and I could already see my breath before me. If I was to do this it had to be before winter hit the ice would be harder to break through and it would be more painful then drowning. I had experimented several times before holding my breath under freezing cold water in the bath tub I knew that everything would go numb before death took hold.
Music blared from my cell phone and the wind wrapped around me my feet were on the edge and I could almost taste my freedom. My clothing covered the fresh marks of today's abuse and they stung I craved the numbing of the cold water. My feet on the edge just one step and it would all be over... Everything would finally be over I closed my eyes allowing the peace to wash over me I could do this I had to do this it felt right like the ocean below was calling to me beckoning me to leap into it's cold embrace.
My feet slide and my legs wobble as I pear over into the dark water.
The air was knocked out of me before I even knew what was happening a pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist pulling me off of the edge I struggled in surprise trying desperately to escape, But to no avail he was to strong for me his grip tightened when I struggled. I couldn't see him in the darkness there wasn't any lights in this area the only lights were at the ends of the bridge unless a car passed which was unlikely at this time of night.
'What are you doing! Let me go!' I snapped I kicked at him, But he did not listen and he did not speak I growled at the man trying my hardest to wiggle free from his tight painful grasp. He easily pulled me with him and away from the bridge toward a truck that was under the light at the end. Great this freak was going to kidnap me and possibly send me to a mental home this is not how I wanted this to go.
My movements didn't seem to bother him, He was stronger then me and more determined. Once we reached the truck he lifted me bridal style and on instinct I clung to him. He had sat me in the passenger seat of the truck and slammed the door before he entered the driver side he pulled the buckled over me clicking it into place.
Finally I could see him in the light and I could tell that he wasn't much older then I was maybe 18-19 years old. He had black hair and piercing green eyes that were focused on the road he wore a plain back short sleeved shirt and I could see his arm muscles no wonder he didn't have trouble dragging me. He hadn't spoken yet his skin was a wonderful olive color and he had a sharp jaw structure his lips were kissably plump. He wore plain blue jeans and black sneakers his truck was older I could tell from the sounds it made and from the interior. A farming truck maybe? But he didn't look much like a farmer.
My arms were crossed over my chest as I pondered who this man was and what he was doing on the bridge so late. And why did he do that? Why had he pulled me back & why was I in his truck and where were we going?
I had so many questions running through my mind, But I didn't think I would get any answers he didn't seem like the talking type.