“Put your seat belt on please, ma’am.” The stewardess said.
I did as she said and looked out of the window. The black sky outside reminded me of Matthew’s eyes.
God, I miss him. It’s been a tough week for me and being away from him doesn’t help at all.
I couldn’t stay here any longer with my father lying on a hospital’s bed, unconscious. The doctors said that his condition was somewhat stable now that he was in a coma for a week.
In other words, there isn’t anything they could do right now, except wait for him to get better. However, in a few days, awakened or not, they will have to operate on him. And that’s alright, because if anyone knows my father like i do, they’d tell you he’s a stubborn man who loves life and accepts anything it throws his way, with open arms.
When my mom called a few days ago, I flew to them instantly, but Matthew said that he had a lot of work so he couldn’t come with me.
And even though i have faith that my father will be back on his feet in no time, it was still hard for me to see him lying unconsciously like that. I couldn’t take it any longer, so i decided to go back home on an early flight. Honestly, i also miss Matthew and I need to cry in his arms, like i always do when I’m too stressed or worn out. Some people might say that I’m a crybaby, but crying is the only way i rinse myself from all the stress. That’s one of the things i love most about Matthew, that he never, ever gets fed up of me crying when it gets too much, or makes me feel like I’m too much to handle. I kept it in all week and acted strong. Not just for my mother honestly, but because I can’t. I mean, I don’t.. I don’t cry in front of anyone but Matthew. Not even my parents or my only friend Melinda. No one. I hate looking weak and vulnerable in front of anyone and I don’t like to show anyone but Matthew that side of me.
Besides, my mother always used to accuse me of trusting people too fast, and said that it makes me weak enough for them to deceive me, so I thought that if I can’t stop trusting people, then at least I have to stop looking too weak in front of them. Except with Matthew of course. It’s not like that with him at all. He would never hurt me.
Maybe she’s right. Maybe i am too trusting of people, but isn’t that what all relationships are based on? Trust and respect.
I think Matthew and i are just used to each other by now. I’m blessed that I have a guy like him to lean on on my weakest days. He’s the absolute boyfriend, believe me. He’s everything any girl would ever want. He’s affectionate; he’s sweet; he’s kind; he’s very good looking; and he’s an excellent listener.
We’ve been together for almost nine months now. I couldn’t believe it when he asked me to move in with him three months ago.. on our monniversary. How sweet is that?
I honestly hesitated for a few second at first but then i said yes. Cause, well, he is truly everything I ever wanted. You know how when you’re fourteen and you make up an image of Mr. Perfect in you head, then you start looking for him inreal life?
Well, he was my Mr. Perfect.
Sometimes I find him too sweet and showing too much affection but I guess he just wants to assure me how much he loves me, which is really sweet as well. I can’t wait to get home and hug him, cuddle with him and sleep in his arms. I need to feel like I’m back home, safe and sound.
You know what? I’ll let you in on a secret. Sometimes i feel like my life with him is safer than i hoped. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there isn’t a better feeling in the world than to sleep knowing that you’re safe in the arms of your one true love.. but sometimes i feel like it’s too safe to be true.. like something is missing or something is just not right. But I wouldn’t dare talk to him about it and stir problems myself. It’s just not worth it.
I wanted to surprise him that I was coming home three days earlier than I was going to. But i decided against it and left him a voicemail before boarding, when I remembered our huge fight last month when I came back early from a reunion that my school friends and i had and how upset with me he was. He was really mad at me that day and told me that he hates surprises and loves for everything to go as planned. A bit weird, I know. I just thought it was probably man period and let it slide.
I’ll let you in on another secret, despite all the love we share, we still haven’t slept together.
I’ve kept my legs closed all those years for one reason, and one reason only..
Okay, that’s bull.
I don’t actually have a specific reason at all, i wish i had but I don’t. It’s just that I still can’t figure out how exactly do i want it. I mean, sometimes i wish my first time to be really special, like with rose petals on the bed, candles on the nightstands, music in the background, lazy sweet kisses that would have me melt softly before my man’s arms before he carries me to the bed and makes sweet love to me.
Other times, i wish it to be totally different, more passionate, unplanned, and just unforgettable. I wish it to be full of passionate hungry kisses that would blow my mind and have me dying for more; to have my toes curl just by feeling my man’s mere touch; to feel the heat and hunger in his eyes, to have my heart beating so loudly that i would be afraid he would here it. A magical, passionate night that he would never let me forget.
But above all, i want it to feel right.
Both scenarios are the total opposite, i know. But the thing is, not once have i imagined Matthew in either of them. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t imagined myself having sex with another man, of course not. Yet, I can’t imagine doing it with him either. And I can’t figure out why, because I honestly do love him, probably more than anything. Yet, everytime i think of just doing it with him, it doesn’t feel right at all. However, I believe it’s just a matter of time.
He had been trying with me the first couple of weeks when we moved in but then when we talked and I told him that I wasn’t ready, he took it as the gentleman he was. He didn’t push at all instead he told me to take all the time I needed.
I honestly hope there’s nothing wrong with me..
I hadn’t even noticed when the plane landed except when all the passengers started standing up and exiting the plane. I followed them and after half an hour I finally got my luggage which was two heavy suitcases filled with nothing but dresses and shoes. Maybe I had a pair of pajamas somewhere in there.
And that is all thanks to my mother. You see, my mother is the type of woman who doesn’t approve of anything in my life. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not a thing. So I had to pack all my good expensive formal dresses that maybe she would like.. And she didn’t, by the way.
Finally, I got in a cab and was on my way home to see my very sweet boyfriend.
You know, my friend, Milenda used to think that i wasn’t really in love with Matthew. She used to think that i was somehow deceiving myself. But after a while she came around when i convinced her that there’s no reason for me to do that to myself. I mean, I’m not desperate for a boyfriend or marriage or something. But Matthew, ever since i met him i knew he was different.. He’s.. Safe.
Getting out of the cab, I paid the nice driver before He helped me take the suitcases out of the trunk. I walked to the front door of our house and placed them still to dig in my black purse for the keys. I finally found them and when I slightly opened the door I heard a woman’s moan. I froze where I was standing and my mind couldn’t function properly.
It’s the television. Maybe he’s watching porn. That’s okay. He’s a man after all. Porn is.. healthy.. in someway. Of course it’s the television. Silly of me to think otherwise.
With a deep breath, I took my keys out of the lock and just when I was about to step into the house I heard Matthew moaning.
THAT cannot be the television, can it?
I ran to our bedroom fast, my heels, unfortunately, not making any noise because of the thick carpet I had, only to find Matthew on top of a woman kissing and licking her breasts. I couldn’t control the hold I had on my purse or my keys and they fell on the floor. The thud they made was loud enough for them to stop and look my way. When the girl suddenly sat properly I could see who she was. Melinda. My one and only true friend.
They both covered themselves fast and gasped when the heat of the room was replaced with shock and they were able to see me. I looked at them and felt more sick to the stomach than I had ever felt in my entire life. A cold shocking chill ran through my whole body and without warning I found myself running to the front door. I grabbed my suitcases which were still outside of the house and ran away.
I kept running absently, trying to drag my heavy suitcases with me without breaking them from the cement pavement. And not once had I heard my name being called. The only thing I could hear was the sound of my own heels hitting the ground louder and louder and the small wheels of my suitcases being dragged. After a few minutes i started to slow down and walk in a normal speed, trying to calm my breath, when both my arms and my legs started giving up. Stopping, I looked around me in the dark street and saw a bench. I dragged myself and sat down.
What the hell just happened? Something is really wrong with the picture I just saw. No way it was true. Matthew wouldn’t do this to me. Melinda wouldn’t do this to me..
I looked around and found no one in the street or maybe even the whole block. It was quiet and dark and only a pole next to me was lighting the bench I was sitting on. I took off my heels and instantly found myself crying.
He cheated on me. They both did. Matthew and Melinda! The closest people to me. The only two I have in this world. How can they do this to me?
Maybe they.. maybe they were.. I don’t know, drunk? Desperate? I don’t know! I just know that they wouldn’t do this. They weren’t supposed to do this.
Then came that annoying small voice in the back of my head and said “You know it’s for the best.”
I shook my head.
You know it wasn’t right. It never felt right, and you know it.
“No!” I cried out. And for what seemed like an hour or so later i kept doing that. Till I heard someone suddenly talk beside me.
“Are you okay?” A deep masculine voice asked and I jumped up off the bench, taking a few steps away.
This story is not about a broken girl sulking over the guy who crushed her heart or any of that! Don’t worry, this is actually a very fun story!
However, beware that it’s full of cheesy adorable cliches, because that’s just how i love’em!
(it’s getting re-edited as we speak. :D)
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