Here I am in a pack full of men. Just two months ago I was out with friends drinking and partying. Now I am here scared shit out of my wits but I tried not to show it.
I kept reminding my self. Father has always told me never show your fear. I am trying, I am trying.
Who are these people anyway? I don’t understand what is going on? All I know is my job is to guard Maurice here like he says. Call him sir when I ask for him or boss. Doesn’t matter which one as long as it makes him feel superior. But this man who speaks, before us spoke with great authority with a bit of cockiness and coldness. I don’t know who he is but his presence alone gave me chills.
With Maurice I wasn’t allowed to cry or feel anything. Ever since he had came into my life which was a month ago claiming to be someone who he says he is and I wasn’t even allowed to argue or defend myself. Like a dog that I am I followed and obeyed. Should I disobey I get punish severely. If only my parents can see my now.
Never in my life has my dad laid a hand on me or my mom yelled at me. I was their little princess. I had everything handed to me on a silver platter. Granted I was a bit spoiled, well perhaps I was spoiled but my parents did the best they could to make me happy considering. And to each other my parents had shown me what love was.
Granted even after a stressful day at work, my dad never mixes work with his personal lives and always made time for us.
Every once in a while while families go to the beach or have picnics, my father would take us hunting or a shooting range. I’d rather go clubbing but what we did was fun. Not many children can say that they got to play with guns.
He had taught my mom and I how to use a gun. By the time I was eight I could load a gun. Which I didn’t mind because I get to go hunting with my dad. Aside from hunting, I wasn’t normal like other kids. No. There was a time I wanted to play soccer but instead my father had enrolled me in Jujitsu, Taekwondo , Aikido, Kick boxing, to Judo. I was a mess and mostly in pain. And my rebellious side had shown up. I had beg my dad that I don’t want to do any of those but he insisted. And when I had refuse he had grounded me from my friends. It was the first time I said I hated him. The look on his face had shown hurt but he masked it by saying it was for my own good.
My mom was there to only comfort me. Father was adamant and he was strict none the less I ended up doing what he says and would come home with bruises. That’s where all my possessions came from. To hide his guilt of what he had enrolled me in, he would gift me with the latest cell phone or a new car. Course he only said the pain would make me stronger.
Pain he says! I was so angry at him that I had attacked him wanting to flip him over, unfortunately for me he got me in a choke hold that I couldn’t even escape myself.
He had said once I can surpass him he would gift me with a Lexus of my very own. So I tried damn hard. Until he showed up at our door Maurice Richard and everything went down hill from there.
In a blink of an eye I lost everything so here I am.
“Bathroom.” I asked hoping this man who sat at the head of this table wouldn’t mock me anymore than this room just did a few minutes ago.
I had been holding it in for hours and soon if I don’t empty my bladder I would be dancing on the tables right now.
The man who is known as Boss, I have not yet learned his name nodded his head to another man who escorted me outside.
Following him I attempted to enter the ladies rest room.
“Um, you are going into the wrong one.” The man pointed to the sign.
I looked at the sign only to stare at him blankly before he spoke again, “I mean unless you are meaning to go into the ladies room.” He spoke shyly while rubbing the back of his neck.
Looking up at him he blushed, “It’s just I can’t go with you in there.”
“Okay, yeah, whatever.” I turned on my heels and entered the ladies room. What the hell is his problem?
Entering one of the stalls I sat down until another had exited washing her hands. The sound of her own heels were clicking against the pavement.
Once I had done my business I walked over to the sink where I heard a small shrill causing the man outside to storm inside the rest room. His face paled as he was watching this woman shiver in her place. “This is a woman’s restroom.” She glared at me then at the man next to me before I watch him bow and leave.
I however just stood there rooted to my place.
“Well...” She shrugged.
Ignoring her, I began to wash my hands. “I’m talking to you.” She pulled on my arm making me look at her.
“And I hear you.”
“This is the woman’s restroom so why are you even in here?” She questioned.
What is wrong with these people? I am in the right place. When I didn’t answered her mouth formed an o, “Oh, are you one of those people.”
“Those people?” I repeated cautiously.
“Yeah, those trans...transvestite?”
I looked at her shock, “What, what makes you think that?”
“Because you are using the ladies restroom looking like that.”
“Like what? And how am I suppose to look like?” I barked back.
“I don’t know.”
Shaking my head I turned to face the mirror and took a really long look at myself only to see the horror on my face. If I didn’t know me I would say I can see why people are looking at me the way they do. My face was pale, my eyes were sunken, my hair was ruffled like I just got out of bed and forgot to brush it and for a split second I looked like of the opposite sex.
“Hey are you okay, what’s the matter with you?” The girl lightly shook me.
“Holy shit face, I’m a boy!” I admit wearing this black suit did not help my appearance. Not one bit. It was Maurice’s orders.
When he woke me up this morning and toss me this outfit I didn’t have time to fix myself. He says I will be fine just the way I am. And that I should always dress in this attire.
“Well duh Pinocchio, you’re definitely not a man.” She joked.
Turning towards her, “Do you think I am a boy?”
I watch this lady look me up and down and circled me like a hawk, “You are way to scrawny to be a boy,” her face now inches from mine, “And you lack any sort of...” She paused before stepping back, “You’re a girl.”
“No shit Sherlock.”
“But you look like a boy. Why the hell are you dressed like that?”
If only I knew I thought. Holding our her hand, “Hi, name’s Juliana Saunders but my friends call me JJ.” She introduced.
I hesitated for a moment before taking her hand, “My name is Jordan but everyone calls me JR.”
Juliana or JJ only smiled at me. She is pretty when she smiles. “So what are you doing here?”
“As you can see just using the bathroom.”
“I know that silly I mean...” her eyes then trailed down towards my hips, “Whoa is that real?”
“Is what real?” I asked.
Pointing to my inner jacket she quickly took the gun out of my holster, “This. Boy this is not light.” She observed waving my gun around like a toy.
“Careful with that, that’s loaded.” Taking my gun back I put in back inside my suit.
“Why on earth are you carrying that? You do know they’re dangerous.”
“Of course I know that. This is what is required of my job.” Why am I even explaining this to her.
“Job? And what sort of job is that?”
“Are you done in there?” Just then the man from outside yelled. Thank goodness for me.
“Sorry I have to go.”
“Okay, see you around JR.” She beamed. I have never seen this kind of preppy girl before.
Heading back to this so called meeting room I was met with eyes on me. My hands placed in front of me as I was walking self consciously might I add back to Maurice.
Never mind about their mocking stares all I have to do is my job, then go home and hopped into bed.
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