My legs become wobbly. My mind and body were not in my control. I feel as though I am drunk for weeks. Kissing her is an irreversible mistake for which I can never forgive myself. I am still not able to makeover why I couldn’t resist her from the kiss. That kiss.... was like an intoxication attracting me in a gravitational pull. It was like a spirited agent activating the sleeping salacious sensations in me.
Dropping myself on the bed in my room I dipped my head in my hands gripping the hair. How can I rectify this situation? I pondered. She is an immature hormonal teenager who doesn’t understand the pros and cons of this meaningless relationship. But I am a matured man of twenty six years. How could I commit myself into such a foolish deed? I can never excuse myself for what just happened.
Getting dressed in my sleek black VanHeusen suit I put the engine on life of my Rolls Royce Wraith and drove speedily to my office. I told my secretary not to disturb me for another two hours. Filling a glass of scotch I rested my head on the pillow of the reposing room adjacent to my office.
After relaxing for a while, I had a collection of files and a series of meetings lined up waiting for my perusal. I completed my works almost at mid-night. Making a mental note before going home I brushed my teeth in the bathroom attached not to raise any doubts in my little girl’s mind of my alcohol consumption. I went home reaching my bedroom to take a warm shower relaxing my pensive nerves.
I came out of the steaming washroom drying my wet hair and stilled on what I saw. My little girl was resting on my bed with her long black hair sprawled across the bed. She was wearing her sleepwear, polka dots blue shorts with a matching pink top exposing her creamy long legs under the gentle serenity of the moonlight. I covered her with blanket slipping myself under it and snuggled her to my chest.
She slowly opened her eyes gazing into mine. “Little girl”, I ask her with care. “Didn’t you go to sleep?” She looks down shaking her head as her hand steadily rested on my bare chest and moved leisurely over there revoking the lascivious pleasures in me. I look into her deep grey eyes filled in a haze. “What are you doing?” My voice was barely audible but I knew she heard it. “Making you mine.” She spoke in a hushed tone with a subtle fire in her voice.
I held myself up in a jolt and squat on the bed looking lost in her deep grey eyes. She got up from the laying down position and sat on my lap. Resting her head on my shoulder she sat sideways running a hand on my hairy chest and mumbles “so masculine”. I stop her moving hand holding it in mine and bridle her with firmness arresting all the prurient thoughts “Stop speaking the non sense. What do you know about me that justifies your attraction?” She looks at me so vulnerable exposing all her innocence like I am the last hope in her life which holds me back to a contrite.
“Everything” she mumbles looking at me and rests her head back on my shoulder. Her little fragile hands wrap around my neck as she leans over me closing her orbs. I run a hand on my black hair and look down at her holding her firm on her waist. “You know nothing. Everything you know about me is just a charade I put forth in front of the public. I have a shadowed past which you would hate to know once you face the truth.” I try my last thread doing my very best in holding her back. She looks at me unaffected like a brave warrior in a battle field who is prepared for the terminal state. ”I was a womanizer before I met you." I breathed out breaking my ultimate truth in front of her. “I lost the count of many women I slept with. Women were only an item or another form of pleasure for me before I met you.” Exposing myself to all the chances of endangerment I look down fearing her abhorrence. “I was a crazy, sick, philanderer at your age. I used to get drunk, party and sleep around doing meaningless sex. Now tell me little girl do you still love me?” I ask her with tenderness guiding a finger under her chin to look at me. She looks at me with a completely blank expression and my heart skips a beat fearing her repugnance yet it was most justified thought for the moment. Taking a heavy breath I continue “but I wanted to bring you up in a solemn way. I underwent a penance and stayed celibate to rear you up in a dignified way.”
After a few minutes of staring at me in utter silence making my heart hammer to suffering she broke the mute holding up an equal challenge. “There is nothing in this world that can create aversion in me for you.” She faced back. “Your past is immaterial to me. I only bank on the present.” She holds up the firmness and determination in her voice. I look down at her and nibble her cheeks in affection and tell her. “You still have a chance little girl to hold on and go back to your previous life. I will marry you off to a person with a much better personality and you can stay happy all your life.” She shook her head in stillness striking off all my conclusions. “You are the only man I love. You may not be perfect but are always the best person who will love me more than anyone in this world. I am not going to turn back in my decision. I will stay unmarried if that is the only way to stay with you.”
Encapsulating her face in my big warm hands, I look at her in the eye and tell my final words to her. “Little girl, I held back myself all these years in bringing you up. Remember there is no looking back once you commit yourself in this relationship. I don’t believe in boyfriend and girlfriend stuff. For me the ultimate and the only relationship I want to have with you is marriage. This is your last chance to back off. I am still waiting here and giving you a chance. Think and answer me taking your time.
She stops me to speak any further and slowly puts her hand at the back of my neck bending my head down. Her lips reach mine and pull into an ebullient kiss. There was a felling of need and fire in it and I kissed her back with equal necessity.
I am a hungry beast when it comes to sex. It is an emotion which I kept locked away in the Alladin’s lamp for all these years. Will she be able to accept me for what I am?