I opened the door, and my eyes widened in surprise. Logan and Lily stood in front of each other and yelled at one another. I couldn’t even make out what they were shouting. I didn’t know what to do. Should I stay or should I leave? Lily’s eyes snapped at me. She threw her hands in the air and stormed out of the room.
Logan kicked the bed with his leg and collapsed to it. He sat with his head in hands. With an unknown force, I closed the door and walked to him. I stopped before him and placed my hands on the top of his head. I felt how he relaxed under my touch. I ran my hands through his hair, massaging his scalp. Logan reached with his hands and pulled me to him. I was standing between his legs, his hands on small of my back, head pressed to my belly. We stayed like that for several minutes. Logan sighed and leaned back, pulling me to his lap. I sat there with my hands around his neck. He buried his face in my hair, his hands on my waist. It felt natural. We felt natural.
“What is it with you? I almost know nothing about you and still... I want to be near you, to touch you, to talk to you about anything, to see that beautiful smile of yours... I can’t even control it! When you’re in the room, my eyes are always on you. You were avoiding me, I could tell... But whenever I was catching the sight of you in the hallways, I wanted to follow you...” Logan was whispering to me, and I felt butterflies in my stomach because of our proximity.
“I don’t know what it is. But it’s the same with me. When I look at you, the only thought on my mind – that I want to be with you. Only your eyes on me were sending shivers down my spine... I was avoiding you, yes. I asked Lily to give me warnings whenever you wanted to see her. It was too much... After what happened in the bathroom and then at diner’s.”
Logan stiffened. What did I do wrong? He gently placed me on the bed, his hands dropped from my waist, and then he stood up. I looked up at his eyes. He was avoiding my gaze.
“What’s wrong? Had I said something stupid?”
“No... Rebecca, I am sorry. I shouldn’t tell you any of this. Fucking hell! You don’t deserve to be treated like that... I feel something for you. I can’t explain it, but... But I love Melanie, I really do. What I did to you at the fraternity house was the biggest mistake in my life.”
My breath stuck in my throat. I clenched sheets in my fists. My eyes were wide open, and I didn’t even blink. I won’t be crying in front of him.
“Becca, I am so sorry... You need to understand that no matter what it is between us... No matter how hard I want you... No matter how strong my desire to kiss you right now. I won’t do it. I have a girlfriend, I love her, and she doesn’t deserve this. She’s the only one for me. I am sorry...”
He stepped closer to me. I flinched. He saw it and stopped, his eyes were dark and sad.
“I... I think you should leave, Logan. And... And please, don’t try to talk to me or see me. I was perfectly fine avoiding you, and I will continue just like that. You could go and be with Melanie. If she’s the one for you, she’s the one who should comfort you right now. Not me. Leave, Logan, please.”
“I said leave! Please...” I failed. My tears were blurring my vision. Logan stood before me. He had no idea what to do. “Please, Logan.”
I heard him cursing, and then he left the room. I was lying on my bed, my face buried in the pillow. I was crying, and I didn’t know when it will stop. I fell asleep, and when I woke up was already 9 pm. What was I going to do at night? I had no idea. I sat up on the bed and saw Lily. She was sitting on her bed with MacBook on her lap. She was watching something.
“Hey. I returned to the room, and you were already asleep. Kate stopped by, but she didn’t want to wake you.” Lily studied my face. “Were you crying? Your eyes are puffy...”
“A little.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“How was Rob? Was he angry?”
“He was sad, and so was I. I like him really, and I hated doing this to him. But it’s better this way.”
“I am sorry... Rob is a nice guy, and I find him really attractive. I even wanted to get to know him better, until I found out that he was interested in you, though. But honestly? You didn’t look like a couple for me from the very beginning. Becca, had my brother said something to you?”
I tensed. I was trying to erase my conversation with Logan from my head. Tears were prickling my eyes again. Shit! I shook my head from side to side.
“Becca, what happened? Did this asshole hurt you?”
“N...No. He did...didn’t” I hiccupped as tears poured from my eyes.
“What are you not telling me?” She came and sat beside me. Lily hugged me and started running her hands on my back up and down.
“It’s nothing, re...really.” I needed to come up with something. Why was I crying? How could I explain it to her? “I felt sad because of Rob... And Logan started telling me how much he loves Melanie...”
“It’s bullshit. What is going on, really? I was surprised that he came after you last night. He could deal with Kate and me with Drew and Tim’s help. But he brought you. Come to think about it. He’s always too curious about you. Is there something between you and Logan?”
Lily was too attentive. I couldn’t lie to her, not after what Logan said to me.
“I like him. It’s strange, and I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s kind of unconditional. He gives me goosebumps only with his presence near me. And... And apparently, it’s mutual. He likes me... He told me that today, but... Oh god, this is stupid and humiliating!” I hid my face in my palms. “After you left, I walked to him, and I wanted to comfort him... Logan let me do that, he pulled me to his lap, and we sat like that for several minutes... He confessed to me that he attracted to me... I confessed to him too. Shit!”
It was hard to breathe. Tears were choking me. I sighed, closing my eyes.
“After it, he said how much he loves Melanie, that she’s the one for him... And I am not. That it doesn’t matter how much he attracted to me, or how badly he wants me. She’s all to him, and I am not enough.”
Lily was silent. She sat beside me. Her hands left my back a long time ago. I wiped my tears away and looked at her.
“I am so sorry that I lied to you... This feeling is too confusing. I was scared, and I tried to avoid him and was good at it. I intend to do the same from now on. I was embarrassed after he told me about his feelings for Melanie. And it hurt, like hell.”
“It’s okay, Becca... You know, honestly... I don’t understand how my brother could be with someone like her. He wasn’t like that in high school. Bitches never were his thing, Drew’s - yes, but not his...”
“Lil, you don’t need to explain this to me. I get it. He’s taken, and this is the most important detail. I don’t know what I was expecting and why my hopes were up... Can we forget about it?”
“If you want to.”
“Thank you. Ahem, how long do you know Drew?”
“He’s Logan’s childhood friend. I know him since forever. I even was in love with him.” She smiled at me.
“Well, he’s gorgeous and sexy with all these muscles. Can you blame me for that?” Lily laughed.
“I suppose not.” I smiled at her. “He’s hot.”
“Yeah...” We both stared at each other. “Did something happened here? Between you and Drew?”
“What?! No! I just had a chance to talk to him a little, and he turned out not as I thought he was.”
“Well, under his demeanor, Drew’s a good guy. Womanizer, yes. But he’s honest. I thought that maybe I could change him... We even dated about one week in his last year in high school...”
“And we didn’t work. I attracted to his features, but I definitely don’t want to be in a relationship with him.”
We sat in silence. Our door opened wide, and Kate stood here with a frown on her face. She stormed to the room, plopped herself on Lily’s bed, and sighed.
“What?” Both Lily and I asked in unison.
“I don’t know. Tomorrow is Monday, and I want it to be Friday... I want to go to the game and then to the after-party. Tim texted me. He was worried about me. Can you believe it?”
Lily and I started laughing. It was a good feeling after this whirlwind of sad emotions. We talked and then watched a movie. We finally called it a night, when it was already 1 am. When I drifted to sleep, I was hopeful that maybe a new week would bring something good to me.