Our kiss was long, it felt like we were kissing for hours, but in reality, it was only minutes. Logan’s kisses were exactly as I was remembering them. Passionate and gentle, fiery and dangerous at the same time. He leaned to me and now I was lying on my back with him on top. Logan was balancing himself, he was afraid that he would be too heavy for me. Soon enough I felt his hard-on, as his pelvises were pressed to me. He broke our kiss and pressed his forehead to mine. Then he rolled from me and laid on his back.
“Fucking hell, Becca... It’s so wrong... But I wanted this for the damn long time... As I saw you standing in the doorframe, that night on your first day at the college, I wanted to come to you, to touch you, to scoop you in my arms... Seeing that prick touching you, I was enraged. Do you know, what was going on in my mind? My girlfriend couldn’t come that night and I didn’t give a damn about it. There were you, a total stranger and still I couldn’t avert my eyes from you. For this moment of weakness in the bathroom, I hated myself, because I saw hurt in your eyes... I wanted to kiss you and so much more, totally forgetting about Mel sleeping in my room... See, how selfish I was. Then I started to feel guilty because I realized that I cheated on Melanie... It doesn’t matter how bitchy she could be, she didn’t deserve this and neither did you. I have feelings for her, I know I have.”
“What happened between you and her there? Is she still angry at you?” We were whispering to each other, as I nestled my head on his chest. He sighed and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. His fingers started combing my hair.
“Well... I don’t want to lie to you... With your appearance in the college, my relationship with Mel started to change. She’s smart. She put two and two together very soon, she saw my glances in your direction, heard me asking Lily were where you. She knew, that you were the reason... I tried to distance myself from you, you were doing the same from your side and I thought that Mel and I would be happy again. But I was wrong. I was drawn to you; by some force, I couldn’t even wrap my mind around it. I had my suspicions about you and Drew after I heard rumors that you slept with him at the party after the game... I tried to convince myself, that it wasn’t my business. I was worried about you, you were so sad, as we came here. Then I overheard you and him... Fuck! He knew that I started to like you and that I always was faithful, always... I didn’t even look at other girls, while I was in relationships... Until you.”
“I guess you were the reason why Drew approached me... Your sympathy made him curious; he wanted to know what it is so special about me. The moment of competition.”
“Rebecca, you’re gorgeous. Believe me, there you’re wrong. He saw you too, that first night at the fraternity house. Drew even was the one, who told me to look at you. He said something like – Hey, Logan, there is a stunning girl at the door and she’s staring at you.”
“Really? I didn’t even pay attention to him that night. My eyes were glued to you. I called him “the blond guy”, as I didn’t know his name then.”
“Ha! Drew won’t be thrilled if he will know about it.”
“Of course, he won’t. He’s Drew Milton. Every girl should have known about him... Actually, can we change the subject? I don’t want to even talk about him, really. Besides, you still didn’t answer my question about you and Melanie...”
“After I overheard you two, I realized that there was something going on between you and him and that it wasn’t the one-time thing... I even remembered Tim’s story about you in Drew’s car, that he had been seen with you. I rushed down, pissed at Drew and at myself... That I was so blind and didn’t see, that this asshole likes you for real. Mel noticed my mood, she knew that it was something about you. We had a little fight that night, but we tried to forget about it... Then there was this dinner, after which she found out, that you will go to the lake house... She was beyond pissed. That I hid it from her, that she couldn’t be there... This time this argument was huge. She told me, that you are ruining our relationship and I wasn’t doing anything to fix it. That she saw how I look at you and it was the same, as I looked at her in the beginning... Hell, Becca, she was right... She had the right to be angry with me... We didn’t break up, but she gave me time to think. She told me to make a decision, what I want and who I want to be with... And this drives me insane...”
“Why?” I already knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it from him.
“Because, I want my relationship with Mel to be back, as it was. I guess it will be more honest to say, that I like her a lot. We had a history together. I was happy with her, I liked spending time with her. She could be so caring and so damn cute... But there are you. And I am in deep shit there, Becca. I don’t know what to do...”
“Yeah... We need to do something about it... I want to look at you and don’t feel this urge to be close to you, I want to be able to talk with you about everything without feeling desire... We need to get rid of this because it is tormenting us. Even if I like Drew, I still think about you and it isn’t healthy.”
“Shitty situation, we are in, though...” He kissed my forehead.
I was so calm near him, as I was listening to his heartbeat. I felt safe in his arms. Realization of what I want hit me. It wasn’t a great decision, but I was sure that if I don’t try this, I will regret it. He was right when he said he knew the reason why I came here. I wanted to forget about Drew. Just like, I did with Chase. Maybe we could also move on from this attraction toward each other. For the sake of Melanie and their relationship? Because it was more like an obsession between Logan and me. Though there were so many reasons, why I shouldn’t even think about it or even say it out loud. But I wanted to take a risk. The question was, will Logan be up for it?
I freed myself from Logan’s arms and sat, my whole body was tense. I was full of determination. I silently thanked Missis Jones for her wine, because it gave me courage. However, I wasn’t sure, that she would have approved my actions. Logan was silent, but I felt his gaze on me, he waited. With a deep breath, I turned and straddled him. His hands involuntarily moved to my hips, steadying me in place.
“What are you doing, Becca?” His grip on my hips tightened.
“I want to forget about Drew tonight.”
“Okay...” He fell silent again. Logan knew, that I didn’t finish.
“I also want to forget about my attraction to you, just as much as you want to forget about your feelings to me. We both want to be free from this.”
“And?” I saw his Adam's apple moving up and down. He was nervous. Logan knew exactly, where I was going with this conversation.
“What if we still attracted to each other, because it is forbidden? You aren’t single and...”
“Exactly, Becca. I am not single.” He emphasized every word.
“Tell me that this thought didn’t cross your mind. Tell me this and I will leave.” I was tired of this. I wanted to feel his hands on my body, his lips on mine, I wanted to know, what it is like to feel Logan Jones inside me. If he will be against it, I will leave. I will free myself from him, I will do everything in my power to do that.
Logan was silent. I leaned to him and kissed his lips, then his jaw and neck. His grip on my hips became almost painful. I moved lower, kissing his chest, then up again. I stopped when I reached his earlobe. I took it to my mouth and sucked. Logan groaned. He was trying to be ignorant about my actions. But I already knew my power over him. I was using his attraction to me and his argument with Melanie to my favor. I wanted to be selfish tonight. I whispered to him.
“Tell me, Logan... If you want me to stop, tell me.”
“Then just for tonight, forget about everyone, forget about your commitments and be with me. In the morning, we will forget about this, about us. We will be acting as nothing happened. It will be our secret because if you want what you told me, it will be the best decision... But tonight... Be with me, Logan.” Every word I accompanied with kisses. With the last sentence, I kissed his lips and sat straight. The decision was on him. I was willing to do that. Just for tonight. What will Logan say?