On Monday Amanda called me to her office. I felt a little nervous because it’s been two weeks since she left me and Nate alone in the conference room. I still don’t know, why he told her to do so. Did he make some excuse to stay with me alone? Ugh! I didn’t see Nate for 5 days already and I feel frustration and a whole bunch of doubts. What if I was only “one-night stand” for him? One of the employees he could screw up? My resolved friendship with Tyler wasn’t adding any clarity to my feelings.
“Can I come in?” I knocked at her door.
“Yes, Miss Davis.” I stepped into her office. God, this woman is radiating power and confidence. I think I want someday to be like her. “Miss Davis, you may sit. Or you’re planning to stay like that our whole meeting?” She arched her brow at me.
“Of...Of course”, I felt my cheeks blushing and hurriedly sat before her table.
“Well, I guess you made quite an expression on our boss,” Amanda said it and looked at me curiously. Shit! Does she suspect something? In instant, memories of Nate and me in the conference room flashed in my mind, my palms became sweaty. “I may say, that I also appreciate your work at the charity ball. I fully supported the suggestion of Mr. Donovan.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Myers! I really learned so much, just looking at you.” I interrupted her with my joyful outburst, smiling like an idiot.
“Well, I appreciate the gesture, but maybe you will let me continue?” Oh my God! Me and my big mouth! “Miss Davis, as you know, we have also the branch office in Los Angeles and I will go there for a business trip. They are planning a big presentational event and asked for help from our Department. So, tomorrow you and I will be heading to the West Coast. You will need to speak with Melissa for our flight details.”
“Our flight details?”
“Miss Davis, don’t act so surprised! You’re very professional and I need your experience in organizing big events in short notices.” Amanda pierced her gaze into my eyes. Am I dreaming? This whole situation is really surreal!
“Yeah, I am sorry. I will go and speak with Melissa. Will be there any other assignments?” I got a grip on myself, but inside me – fireworks of happiness!
“No, that’s all. You also could go home earlier today. See you tomorrow at the airport, Miss Davis.” Amanda dismissed me with a smile. As I exited her office I made small dance round. I can’t believe it. I will go with Amanda to LA! I never was there before, but I always wanted to visit! Even if it will be for work, I will see the ocean and famous Hollywood streets! Oh my, I really need to snap out of it!
After my talk with Melissa, I found out, that I will go to LA for 4 days and will be back on Saturday. At home, Chloe was really happy for me, she helped to pack my suitcase. I even planned some sightseeing, of course, if I will have time for this. But who could stop a girl from dreaming?
The next day when Amanda and I finally checked-in to the hotel in the late noon, I plopped myself on the bed and just laid there for several minutes. Today I will be on my own in the evening, but tomorrow I will need to look my best, so there is no chance that I will go to some bars for drinks. Only sleep for my beauty!
I looked through my calls, as Tasha was still angry with me, I just sent a short message to Jake, to let them know, that I was in LA. I also exchanged some messages with Chloe, but my mind wasn’t in it. I stood up and went to the big window with city view. I can’t figure myself out, what was going on with me? But then, I realized I didn’t speak with Nate for several days in a row and even didn’t thank him for this trip! At the same time, he also didn’t call me since our quick conversation last Saturday. I called his number with a lump in my throat. Maybe this trip was his way to say “thank you for sex and bye”? No, he’s not like that! But at second thought, I don’t know much about him. Even he knows more about me since I am sure he checks at least some major details when a corporation hires someone.
Nate didn’t pick up his phone not the first time, when I called him, not the second. He didn’t answer any of my messages either, but I know that he saw it. Okay, I guess it was stupid of me, thinking that maybe there will be something special between us. I went to the shower because even if the last time when I had sex with Nate was a week ago, I felt dirty. And ashamed. Just like it was with Tyler so many times. Why me? I should know better than involve myself with guys like Nate or Tyler. I should be with someone like Dean, who is nice, kind and easy. Shit! I am pathetic! In the shower I let myself cry and ended up with puffy eyes and red cheeks.
It’s only past nine, but I was already in bed. I covered myself with a blanket and laid still, trying to fall asleep. Of course, it was no use, since my head was full of dark thoughts and heart tightened with ache. I stood up from the bed and went to the window again. Since I couldn’t talk with Tasha, I called another person, who always was able to cheer me up in the past. Yeah, I know, he hurt me so many times in the matters of love, but never as my friend. Tyler always was there, ready to listen. I unblocked his number and called him, nestling in the chair near the window.
“Hey, gorgeous!” His voice was cheerful, as he picked up on the second ring. He was probably in some public place, as I heard the voices of other people and even light music.
“Hey.” I sounded like echo to him.
“So, I see you decided to unblock me. A wise decision, friend”, I smiled at his words and only shook my head.
“Wait a minute.” I heard as he went somewhere and now it became quieter on the other side of the line. “What’s wrong, Vera?”
“I am not sure, you will understand...” I hesitated. I don’t think I should talk to him about my love life.
“You know, you could tell me everything, right?” But what do I lose?
“Well... there is one guy and I kinda thought, that maybe there will be something special between us. But in the end, apparently, it was just a fuck... Like it always was with you, so I guess it’s why it hurts so much.” There, I said it.
“Whoa... I didn’t expect this, at all.” Tyler’s voice was a little distant.
“Just as I thought. It was a bad idea to call you. I never talked to you about any other men before. And especially not about someone, who is just like you...” I guess I wanted him to feel guilty. For his previous behavior and for Nate’s.
“No, no, it’s okay. I just... Wow, Davis, you managed to shut me up. Do you know how often it happens?” He laughed, but I didn’t hear any joy in it. Like he was really upset, that I wanted to talk to him about another man. Serves him right, though! I listened about all of his conquests, when he was in college, no matter how hard it was for me.
“I assume, that not so often... Forget, that I said anything. I will be over it in a few days. Like I always did with you, when you were leaving me over and over again...”
“Vera, why do I have a feeling, that you are snapping out at me instead of him?”
“Even if it’s true. Don’t you deserve this?” I was angry at Nate, but this situation awakened my old wounds from Tyler’s betrayals. It wasn’t a wise decision to call him, I could have easily spoken with Jake about it.
“Maybe, I do. But I am sure...”
“Maybe? Really, Ty?” Now I was definitely angry at him. I thought he finally understood all the pain he caused me.
“Vera, stop it! You wanted to talk to me about some jerk, who hurt you?! So start talking, damn it!” Yay, Douglas must be furious with me.
“How about no?! Obviously, our friendship doesn’t work like that! There are only you, who could speak to me about your sluts and don’t give a damn about my feelings!”
“Why did all of my women become sluts? There is more to them, you know! I’ve never slept with women, to whom I don’t have at least sympathy!”
“Sorry to disappoint you, but for me, they were all whores. You were with new eye candy in your arms almost every week or two until there was Daya... I need to admit, that the girl had her class. She almost tricked you into marrying her, when I was hoping...”
“Hoping for what exactly? Tell me, Vera. Because honestly, I don’t know, for what you could have hoped? We always were friends, who had their fun while there weren’t any other people in the picture. That’s all for it. Are you really so stupid to believe in fairytales? The fucking buddies could become husband and wife one day? It’s bullshit! There must be love and mutual respect between them, not only sex!”
“Oh...” I can’t find words, blood was boiling inside me. “You’re saying what exactly? I am only good for screwing? I am not good enough for the great Tyler Douglas?”
“Vera, listen, I think we need to calm down, both of us. Because we obviously said too much to each other.” Tyler sighed, saying it.
“You know what Tyler? Thank you for your honesty, truly. Now I really know, what you’re thinking about me. I was delusional all these years, believing that there is more to us than just banging buddies. But apparently, a guy like you never could have fallen in love with a girl like me... Heck, it turns out, you didn’t even respect me. Sorry for bothering you, Tyler. It won’t happen again.”
“Fuck, Vera! I didn’t mean it like that. You just made me furious and I said all these things only to...”
“No, I don’t want listen to your lies! Everyone knows that when you’re on the edge of your emotions, you’re telling the truth. So don’t bother. Now I know, that all these years I was the only one slut in your life. Goodbye, Douglas!”
What have I done? There is no way, I could forget about all these poisonous words we said to each other. How could he do this to me? Was I really this stupid to think back then that maybe someday, we will be together? That one day I will become his wife? Of course Vera, he was ready to marry money-sucking bitch Daya, but not you. Since high school, he never told me, that he wanted to be with me. Where did I even find all these crazy ideas? Because I let him in my bed, in my heart, and in my head. He was everywhere, in my veins and in my mind. And now I find out, that I was nothing to him. How cruel one person could be?
I couldn’t take it anymore. I blocked his number once again and went to bed. Thanks to all these heavy emotions and tears, I felt totally exhausted. Just as my head touched the soft pillow, I drifted to a dreamless sleep.