The ride in the elevator was silent. Nate and I didn’t exchange a word until we were inside his car. Nate turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes. He was sad and I felt bad because I was the reason.
“So. The long story short. I am sorry for Camilla’s behavior. I didn’t know, that she will be here. I wouldn’t even come here if I knew this ahead.”
“It’s okay. I guess, she’s used to you and her being on-again-off-again couple.”
“Sort of.” Nate hesitated. I knew, what he wanted to know. “What is the deal between you and Tyler? But please, tell me the truth this time. The whole truth.”
“Are you sure? Me and Tyler... It’s fucking complicated.”
“Let me be the judge here. I want to know.” Nate was serious again, but he managed to give me a small encouraging smile. He was too good for me.
I made a deep breath and told him everything, baring my soul before this man. Of course, I left some details in the darkness, but mostly it was the story of my relationship with Tyler. It was sad. It was bitter and salty, because of my tears. When I finished, I closed my eyes before turning to Nate. I wanted to know what he thought. He was stunned because of this revelation.
“Wow. Fuck... Wow.”
“Erm... Nate, what does it all mean?”
“You’re Vera Davis. You’re that Davis. How could I be so stupid?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Everything was before my eyes. I just needed to think it over... But I was blindsided with you. With my affection toward you.”
I didn’t have any idea, what was going on here? What was he talking about?
“Tyler and me... We were close friends at college. But I knew, that his best friend stayed in his hometown. He often was leaving to visit his mom and his best friend Davis. My memories of Tyler are always the same, he and his phone glued to his ear. I even got envy, I didn’t have such a friend in my life.”
“No. You need to hear it. You never knew this side of Ty, I am certain of it.”
I only nodded at him. What he was telling me, was the truth. Tyler and I always were in touch. Over the phone we talked almost every day while being in college, sometimes it was even a few times per day. I missed talking with him and so did he. We enjoyed our friendship.
“Well... I didn’t know that his “Davis” was a girl until there was Daya. Actually, until he broke up with her, after their return from Costa Rica. He was back almost for a week and we made plans to see each other after his return. I was kind of barging into his apartment. I found him totally wasted, but he managed to let me in. He was talking some bullshit. Cursing Daya and himself.”
I stared at Nate. I found out that Tyler broke up with Daya from his mom. I didn’t talk to him for 2 months before he contacted me for the first time.
“Of course, he was wasted. He wanted to marry this girl. He was in love with her.”
“Funny thing, but you’re so wrong right now.” Nate shook his head. “He hated Daya, believe me. He didn’t want to have anything with her, not ever in his life. He was telling me over and over again that night that he screwed up, the big time. That he hurt the most important person in his life and that he didn’t know if he would be able to fix it. When I started to lose my patience and asked him, who was he talking about. He told me, that he couldn’t forget the eyes of his best friend when he was telling her that he wouldn’t take her with him to Costa Rica. I stared at him, my mouth agape. Her? Did I hear wrong? He saw my reaction and started laughing. I wanted to punch him, badly. But he wasn’t in the state.”
“If I remember this correctly, he asked something like, “You hadn’t had any idea, that my best friend was a girl, do you?”. To tell you the truth, Vera, I was shocked. I was sure, that it was a guy, but nope. He fooled us all.”
Nate and I sat in his car, silent and both lost in our thoughts. Did Tyler really know that he hurt me? Did he regret it? Fuck, my head hurts. I need sleep and badly.
“Could you drive me home?”
“Sure.” Nate started the engine and drove off. Soon he parked the car before my apartment building.
“Nate... I am so sorry... I shouldn’t have hidden it from you from the beginning.”
“You know, I kind of understand, why you did that.”
“Your feelings for him were big. You hadn’t seen him for several years and bam, you’re meeting him at our party. You were confused. I get it.”
“Yeah... It was a low blow, believe me.”
“Vera... What did he want from you tonight?”
“He wanted to prove to me, that I was wrong. That I had feelings for him. But he is wrong.”
“What do you mean, Nate?”
“Before we came to this party... I was happy, I started thinking that we had a future together... But after I saw you two together... How he was looking at you... And most importantly, how you were looking at him... Deep down you know, that you still attracted to him.”
“No. I know I am right.”
“Yes. You’re right. Ty was a huge part of my life. I loved him like I never loved before or after. But he brought so much pain to me. I don’t want it anymore.”
I stared through the window. I didn’t know what to add.
“Hell... What a mess... Vera, I am sorry, but I think I need time to digest this information. What does it all mean for me, for us... I am sure, you need it too.”
“I am sorry, Nate... I never wanted to hurt you...”
“Don’t be. I enjoyed our time together. And so did you.” Nate smiled at me and I leaned to him, kissing his cheek.
Soon after I was in my apartment. All alone. But I needed this. I needed time to think. To understand what was going on in my mind and with my heart. I knew too well, that I was in deep denial for four years. I loved Tyler. The answer was so simple. But at the same time, even the thought about it terrified me.
What I was going to do with all this? I didn’t have any idea. I liked Nate, that’s for sure. He was good for me, the safer option. But was it enough?
This night was sleepless. I tossed and turned on my bed. So when Chloe came home the next day near lunchtime, she was in shock to see me in that state. All of our problems were forgotten. She was my friend. Even if I hurt her. I told her everything about me and Nate. About me and Tyler. I fell asleep in her arms that night and I was so grateful to her for that.