All my thoughts were flying right into the window as I found myself answering to his kiss. His lips were soft, tender but within seconds our kiss intensified. His tongue found his way inside my mouth and now it was tangling and playing with mine, almost lazily at first but with growing passion. He freed himself from the seat belt and leaned to do so with mine. In the instant moment, he pulled me onto his lap. Now I was straddling him and he lowered us with his seat. I was on fire, so intense were these feelings from this guy’s touch. I have never experienced something like that with Brendon or any of my other boyfriends.
Without wasting any time Tyler started to kiss my neck and when he traced all the way from my neck to my earlobe with his tongue I shuddered. I felt a burning sensation between my thighs when he placed his hand under my sweater. His fingers reached to my bra, pushing it up. Tyler’s hands cupped my breasts while his fingers gently stroked them with nails sending shivers down my spine. My nipples were hard and when he trailed one of them with his thumb I almost lost myself in the craziness of the moment. He took my nipple in the mouth and sucked it a little. I just couldn’t take it any longer I moaned with pleasure.
Tyler was experienced, he totally knew what to do to me, so I could lose myself in his embrace. I was totally at his mercy and he didn’t want to stop and neither did I. He raised my skirt up and his hand found his way to my panties as he slightly moved them away. Tyler touched my soft spot with his fingers and started making circles. I gasped and became very tense because of unexpected feeling.
“Shhh… Vera, it’s okay, just relax! I want you to feel good, that’s all.”
Tyler whispered to me and sucked my nipple harder this time. That guy was driving me crazy. I wasn’t thinking about us being in the car on the sideline of the road in the middle of snowfall. I was craving for his touch like it was the only matter to me.
I kissed him once again keeping his mouth next to mine, his fingers were never leaving my swollen clit as he continued stroking it with increasing tempo. Just when I thought I will lose myself in this moment he stopped and plunged his finger into my burning core. He broke our kiss immediately and bored into my eyes, that I felt very vulnerable in an instant.
“You’re so wet, babe. Fuck! I ...” His voice was hoarse. He didn’t do anything, frozen at the moment. But I had a feeling that everything was over.
“Vera… I’m sorry.”
He said and next thing I knew I was already back in my seat near Tyler. I moved my panties back in their place, lowered my skirt and my bra. All of my actions were numb, robotic. I avoided looking at him. Tyler raised his seat onto the place and now was sitting with his head on the steering wheel.
My cheeks were flushed, hair in a total mess, my heart pounding in my chest like crazy and in the seconds from total bliss, I was the most miserable girl on this planet. I was embarrassed by my actions but his rejection was hurting me the most, it made me broken into two pieces. It seemed that no man in this world would want me. I zipped my jacket and said with a trembling voice:
“Could you please take me home, it’s not that far away from here, 5 minutes or so.” I said to him, trying hard to keep my tears until I won’t be alone.
“No. Don’t. I get it and it’s okay, fine even. I just want to be home.”
In 5 minutes he parked at my house. Our drive home was in total silence and I was grateful for that. I couldn’t let him see my tears, I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he hurt me with his actions. It was a hundred percent worse than he offended me with his words. I wanted Tyler to kiss me, I wanted him to touch me, I was ready to give myself to this guy even in his car…even if I had a boyfriend. Just then I felt fear and shame, how could I do it to Brendon? He was so kind to me. He loved me, while I was ready to give myself to another guy because he told me that he thinks I was pretty. What a whore I was, horny stupid whore!
I wanted to run away from Tyler as fast as I could, so as soon as the car stopped I opened the door and started climbing out of it. But he was already on the street looking at me. God, why does he need to be so beautiful!
“Vera, listen. What happened in the car...”
“Tyler, don’t start it again. Right now, I really want to go home, besides I need to call my boyfriend and to assure him that everything okay with me. So thank you again and bye.” I said and tried to make my way home.
“So, that’s all? You don’t want even to discuss what it was between us?” He seemed sincere, but I just couldn’t stay near him.
“There’s nothing to discuss. I have a boyfriend, who loves me and really cares about me. He didn’t deserve any of this what happened in your car.”
“Okay. Let’s pretend it’s never happened. If that’s what you want?” There were so many emotions behind his eyes, but I desperately wanted to go home.
“Yes, Tyler. That’s exactly what I want.” Tears were threatening to suffocate me, so I just made a step away from him and went home.
As I closed the door behind me I slid down the wall and just sat on the floor. Tears were rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. I was hurt. I was confused. I thought that now I have an immunity to Tyler’s charms, but I was wrong. Hell, how could I be so stupid? It was all my fault. I let him kiss me, let him touch me and even let him slid his fingers inside me. This guy is a womanizer and I was perfectly aware of it and still... I wanted him. But most importantly, I felt embarrassment and confusion. I was a virgin, but I know for sure he wanted me. It was impossible not to notice his hard cock as I was on his lap. So why did he stop?
I needed to speak with Tasha, she knew me better than anyone. Maybe she could knock some sense into me? But first I must call Brendon. What could I say to him after this disaster in Tyler’s car? How could I even look in Brendon’s eyes again? I took a deep breath and called him.
“So, you finally decided to call me? How generous of you!” Brendon’s voice was full of anger, he didn’t try to hide it.
“Brendon, it’s not like that! It was just a coincidence, I tried to call you when Tyler showed up and proposed to give me a ride home. The end of the story.” I murmured it to him, trying to sound cheerful so he didn’t notice tears in my voice.
“Maybe, Vera. I just… I don’t know what to think after this party. When I saw you with him... Hell, I felt emptiness, because I saw something between you two. It made me jealous, suspicious.”
“Let me finish, okay? I don’t like this person, it’s not me! But every time when I see Tyler in school I feel like a vulnerable little boy. I even bruised your arm because of my jealousy!”
“You don’t have to worry about him! Today was the first day since the party when he actually spoke to me.”
“Guy needed to be blind to not to notice you and Tyler obviously has his eyes on you. I saw him looking at you when he thought no one was watching.”
“You’re wrong, Brendon! I ...” I didn’t have a chance to end my sentence.
“Vera, I think... I need a break.”
“Oh... Are you breaking up with me?” I didn’t believe my ears, but at the same time, I felt relief.
“No... Yes... I don’t know! I love you and I want to be with you... I just think... I need to be alone for some time. We were together for almost two years. And everything was perfect, we were perfect! But now? Fuck, this month was torture for me! I didn’t recognize myself when I was around you.” Brendon said to me all this without any pause like he was holding those words inside him for a long time.
“Brendon... If that’s what you need... I guess... I need to get going, parents will be home soon. I... Bye, Brendon.”
I hung up and just stared at the wall. How did my life become this mess? Yeah, I liked Tyler back in the middle school, but later I just... I realized that I didn’t have any chance with him, so my sympathy faded away. I was completely happy with Brendon, laughed from all these psychos, who were following Tyler everywhere. And now I was definitely one of them... I didn’t have any logical explanation of my actions. Like Brendon said about himself, last month I wasn’t myself either. So I just got up from the floor and walked out of the front door and went to my best friend. Thank God, Tasha lived two houses away from mine.
Tasha was at home, she let me in and I followed her upstairs into her room. Without even asking, she knew I had something on my mind.
“Spill it, Vera.”
“I... Brendon and I broke up and I kissed Tyler today in his car.” I figured on my way here if I told her everything without stopping it will be easier.
“What. The. Fuck?! Are you insane?” Tasha was surprised, but she was my best friend so I told her everything not hiding even a little piece. When I finally finished she just sat there not saying a word to me, then she sighed.
“Heck, Vera. I thought you were over your little crush on our golden boy, but I guess you’re just really good in hiding your feelings...”
“It’s not like that! I don’t know what has happened to me! I was acting like his attention to me was the most precious thing in this world. I was really ready to lose my virginity with Tyler in his car, do you see how stupid I was?”
“Ugh, Vera, you’re just a girl! You had been in love with him for 2 years back in middle school, even if it was unrequited love.”
“I wasn’t in love with Tyler!”
“Hush, Vera. I’m trying to understand. Because from what I see now, you’re sad because of what has happened or didn’t happen in the car and not because your boyfriend broke up with you.”
“...” I was silent, cause she was right.
“I don’t understand just one thing. Tyler was the one, who initiated everything. He came after you at the party, he started kissing you in the car. Why did he stop himself?”
“Tell me something I don’t know. I felt so embarrassed because he rejected me...”
“Vera, don’t be such pron. Guy wanted you, it’s obvious. We just need to figure out, why he stopped... Oh!”
“What does this “Oh!” mean?”
“Actually, I remembered something. There will be a party next weekend, where will be the whole baseball team, including Tyler...”
“Yeah, and Cindy with her minions... Do you really believe it will be a good idea for me to go there?”
“Of course, there is no place in the world that could be better than a party with a lot of booze and hot guys in attendance. And just for the note, it’s a good thing, that you didn’t lose your virginity in the car. It’s not the most romantic place for such an experience.”
“Oh, shut up, Tasha.”
I said and threw a pillow at her. We laughed and talked a lot this evening. Maybe it was wrong of me, that I wasn’t upset about my break up. In these circumstances, it was the right thing to do. I needed time to figure out myself because it wasn’t fair to be with Brendon, while I didn’t understand my feelings to Tyler. I really hoped that this party will bring to me some understanding. And it brought. I just didn’t know what a mess it will be.
This week was hectic. Both Tyler and Brendon avoided me. Well, no, Brendon and I even greeted each other with an awkward hug and tried to make small talk, when we saw each other first time since our phone talk. But we both realized soon that it was strange and stopped it. Tyler was again distant and cold, never saying a word to me, not even looking at me in our joint classes. At the end of the school’s week, I wasn’t sure that I should go to the party. But who was I kidding? Tasha wouldn’t let me do it.
It was Saturday evening as I nervously stepped out of my parent’s house. I was wearing a red knit dress, which hugged my hips and boobs in all the right places and ended a little above my knees. My long black hair was styled with curls and now was cascading over my shoulders. I didn’t apply too much makeup, just a little mascara and lip balm. Tonight I was beautiful. Only honk of a car brought me back from my thoughts. It was Tasha.
“Are you planning to stand there all night? Or we’re finally going to the party?”
The party was in a full swing when we arrived here. After an hour or so Tasha left me to be with her boyfriend Rob. I felt lonely and out of place, even if I was talking with our classmates. I saw Tyler only briefly when Tasha and I went to the kitchen for drinks when we just arrived. He was there with Cindy on his lap while chatting with their squad of friends. After another 30 minutes, I decided to look for the bathroom. Thank God, I found it from the first try, because there were doors, from under which I heard very distinctive sounds. I splashed water on my face and looked in the mirror. Why am I here? I counted to ten and decided to wait for Tasha a little. She promised to give me a ride home. I sighed and walked out of the bathroom.