How Can You Be Like This? (Saroj)
"What were you thinking, when you agreed to meet him after seven years?" My brain accused my heart.
"God he's so fucking hot! How could I say no?" My heart answered.
"How can you be like this?" My brain scoffed, my heart just sighed dreamily.
One could say I was a little slut by heart. I didn't see it as a bad thing. I didn't sleep with a lot of people but I didn't have any holdbacks about sex. Though it had almost been a year and a half since I've been in a relationship or slept with someone. My hormones were going crazy. And looking at the (too few, in my opinion) pictures Ruhail had of himself on his Instagram made me tingly in all the right places. I still wanted to hate him, trust me, but the way he looked and he talked just made me want to see him. To see if he had actually changed.
Other than being gay, which was a curse enough as it was, I was also genderfluid. Don't get me wrong, I loved being gay. And I was brought up in a family where that wasn't wrong. I just sometimes wished I was more masculine, so I won't be subjected to the taunting and teasing which left me completely wrecked even after all these years. Trust me when I say this, you can never get accustomed to bully. You think you do, and then someone else comes up with a new level of jackass.
Honestly, if Ruhail was anything like that, I'd never have agreed to meet him. But he had seen my Instagram, and he had double tapped all the pictures, even the ones in which I was wearing a plaid skirt and high heels. So I guess he wasn't a bully anymore. He wasn't a bully in high school either, he was just someone who didn't give a shit, or couldn't. Either way, he was a silent bystander, like so many others of them.
I didn't know if I could ever forgive him for that. But the fact remained that he still made my body feel things even when he wasn't in front of me. I worried about what his presence could do to me as I put on my favourite nude shade of liquid lipstick. I was already finished with my light make-up and mascara. But putting on lipstick was my favourite part, it just made me feel powerful.
I had a pretty vast gender spectrum and today, it was somewhere in the middle. So I decided on high waisted white shorts and a cute black velvet crop top. I put on a pair of black velvet boots which had a lot of buckles. I wore one small dangly cross earring on my right ear and a choker with a small silver heart around my neck. Looking at the mirror, I was pleased with how I looked. If Ruhail didn't like it, he can bite me. Not that I'd really mind that.
Shaking off the thirsty thoughts I made my way out of my small, one bedroom apartment. It wasn't big but it was mine. The itty bitty personal touches everywhere made sure of that. The blue walls and velvet cushions screamed of my personality.
I booked a cab and went downstairs when it arrived. The can driver gave me a sideways glance of pure and utter judgement which made me shiver in a bad way. I was no stranger to looks but being alone for half an hour with someone who hated you just because of the way you liked to dress was something I wasn't looking forward to. I gingerly sat at the back and listened to music on my phone and ignored the looks he gave me through the rearview mirror the best I could. Somwtimes these things made me wanna buy a car, but my fucked up sense of direction and lack of balance stopped me from doing it. I couldn't afford a driver and I didn't wanna kill anyone.
I sighed when we finally reached the club. I hurried out of the cab and into the building before the guy's gaze drilled a hole in my head. As I got inside, I was instantly greeted with some of my friends and we headed to the bar. I still had almost half an hour before Ruhail would come and I decided to calm my nerves with shots of tequila. Probably not a good idea, but it seemed like one at the time.
By the time more people started filing in, I was more than a bit tipsy. There was this guy who danced with me. Under normal circumstances, I'd probably avoid him, seeing he was too touchy and kinda creepy, but my drunk brain was such a slut that it made my heart look like a saint. I danced with him, but when he forcefully pulled my body into his, I tried to push him away.
"C'mon baby, don't be a tease." He whispered in my ear and licked the lobe. My whole body recoiled from the gross wet touch and I put more pressure on his arm around my waist, so he would let me go. But not just I was drunk, I was also way less powerful than him. My violent efforts did nothing to budge him and only made his grip turn to iron. His other hand came down on my ass in the form of a harsh slap that made my whole body jump from the pain as I hissed.
In the next moment, my body was torn away from the guy's and I slammed into a solid wall of muscles. I looked up, scared out of my wits and was met with the most exquisite face I've ever seen.
In the next moment I seemed to forget everything. The person who was assaulting me, that I was surrounded by a lot of people or that I was more than a little tipsy. I rapidly blinked my eyes to make myself beileve that I wasn't dreaming. When I was sure this was real, I found myself whispering.
"Ruhail." The word barely left my lips as my saviour look down at me, breaking the intense staredown he was having with the dickwad. The guy was big but not as tall or powerful as Ruhail. Since I was stuck to his chest not a minute ago, I could tell that no matter how much muscle he had, Ruhail's lithe frame held more strength than it showed. I felt small and safe in his arms.
I was not a tall person to begin with, at 5'8", I was pretty average, putting on four inch heels made me exactly 6 feet tall, and Ruhail still had at least four or five inches on me. That guy was insanely tall, I was kinda jealous.
"Hey." He softly said in his deep voice and I snapped into reality. I realised I've been looking at his lips the whole time and the way the bastard smirked, he knew it. But I couldn't help it, my inner slut wanted to rub my body on his solid muscles like a kitten. Before I could control myself, I buried my nose in his delicious column of neck and inhaled his mouthwatering scent.
Do I sound like a vampire?
I didn't care. I moaned, the smell was so good, and when I heard him growl low in his chest, I smiled up at him.
"I want you." I whispered, my brain asleep at the back of my drunk mind.
"You're drunk baby." He said and the pet name made my stomach flutter with butterflies or whatever the fuck they were.
"But I want you." I whined and pouted. At that moment, my body decided that it couldn't keep down all the alcohol that I've nervously consumed in the last half hour and I felt sick to my stomach.
I heard a slight "Oh shit" and then I was being picked up by a strong pair of arms and hauled into another direction, away from the drunk, sweaty, swaying bodies in the club.
I barely kept it down till we reached the bathrooms. I was shoved into a stall and the moment my knees hit the ground, I hurled the contents of my stomach into the toilet. My head swayed from the force at which my body was throwing up. My throat burned from the acidic taste of half digested food and it was really hard to keep my eyes open.
So I focused on the soft hand gliding up and down my back and soft whispers that I couldn't really hear with the ringing in my ears. Vomiting always took a toll on me and when my body was empty of everything, I was so weak that I slumped back into that perfect chest again.
I felt being hauled up again and in the next second, I was standing in front of a sink which unfortunately had a mirror.
My eyes were red and had tears streaming down them and there was a little trail of saliva beside my lip that made me wanna throw up again. I washed my face until the ringing in my ears and the burn in my throat went away. Then I looked into the worried face of Ruhail.
"Are you okay?" He asked and blushed a little so I went to ask why, and then I heard the sound of someone choking.
At first I thought maybe someone was throwing up like me or someone was in trouble, but then I heard a voice.
"Do you like that baby?" It was gruff and muffled by the door of the stall but I could still recognise it at Rip's. Rip was one of my friends that I came here with, his actual name was Akash, but his love of ripped clothing made Rohit, another friend from the group, name him that, and the name somehow stuck.
So Rip was getting blowed by someone, but who?
I wished I hadn't thought that. Because in the next moment a choked and breathless voice answered.
"Yes, I love it so muhhch."
It took me a millisecond to recognise that voice as Rohit's.
What the actual fuck?
I brain swam with the information and I looked at Ruhail with a blank face, he looked like he would rather be anywhere but here.
My face suddenly broke into an evil smile as realisation hit me. Those two were dating! Well, at least they were blowing each other. That was fucking NEWS! My body almost trembled with the need to gossip but I knew it would be wrong if I didn't ask them first. I wanted to knock on that door but Ruhail brought me out of my plans by pulling my hand.
"Let's get outta here." He said, and I found myself nodding. Gossip can wait, I wanted to be with this absolute God first.
I realised that Rip and Rohit stopped their shenanigans, probably because they heard Ruhail's voice. And we quickly got out of there.
"You know those two?" Ruhail asked me as we made our way through the gross bodies of fucked up men and women.
"Yep. They're two of the friends I came here with. The others are out there too." I vaguely waved to the slurred bodies. I was still swaying a bit, the only thing keeping me from falling was Ruhail's arm around my waist.
"Won't they worry if you leave without telling?" He asked and I made a face.
"They're either busy fucking or getting drunk or both. I don't think they'll worry before morning, but I'll text someone later." I dismissively said and he didn't look very happy with the answer.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, they're your friends. Shouldn't you, like, look out for each other? That guy was straight up molesting you and no one batted an eye." He said disbelievingly.
"Oh, believe me, I've had worse." I said and he huffed.
"Fucking hate parties." He said and I smiled.
"I don't like them either, but they're a good way to expand your connections." I said and he shrugged.
"I have other ways to connect with people than an unsafe fuckfest." He bit out as he tapped on his phone.
I tried to say something but my body gave up suddenly and I slumped into him.
Everything blacked out after that.