Why Didn't You Sleep With Me? (Saroj)
I sat there looking at my legs and suddenly feeling self conscious. Not because he wanted to talk, but because I just realised that I didn't behave in the most appropriate way this morning, or last night, for the matter. I behaved like a slut last night, throwing myself at Ruhail like that, and then I had almost thrown up on him, and then I had almost forced him to sleep beside me.
But then he had extricated himself from me, and probably slept on the sofa.
He thought I was asleep, but I was a light sleeper, and I was mortified. He obviously thought I was easy now. And as much as I didn't want it to affect me, it did. I didn't want him to think of me like that.
As if this wasn't all distressing enough, this whole morning wasn't any better. I was glad to wake up to the note he left me, and I even felt the light kiss he gave me on the nose. But after coming back, he didn't give me any signals that he wanted me there. He praised my cooking and didn't comment on me stealing (I wasn't planning on giving it back) his t-shirt, but he also didn't protest when I wanted to go home. He just said he wanted to talk.
I wasn't sure what he thought of me or wanted from me, or even if he liked me. Maybe he just brought me home because he was a nice guy.
He didn't want someone who literally threw themselves at him, he wasn't that kind of a person.
I was so lost in thought, I didn't even notice that we weren't talking, just sitting in silence.
The sound of Ruhail clearing his throat made me whimper as tears welled in my eyes. Fuck! I looked away quickly, but it was too late.
I was suddenly hauled towards Ruhail's strong body and he held me close there while I trembled in his grasp.
"What's wrong, Bunny?" He asked me as he ran his hand along the length of my arm in a soothing manner. I just shook my head.
"Don't lie." He said in a stern voice which made me whimper, but I still refused to look at him as I mumbled.
"You think I'm a whore." I said and his hand froze on my palm. There was complete silence and then he finally spoke in a low, barely controlled voice. I just didn't know what he was controlling.
"Look at me." He ordered, and I didn't have it in me to disobey that voice, I looked up at him to see that his beautiful mouth was set into a thin line. He was angry.
"I am going to tell you something now, and I want you to listen very carefully, okay?" He asked me and I nodded.
"I don't think you are a whore. I have never thought it, and I never will. I think you are an amazing, beautiful, and cute as fuck person who deserves everything. I might not be the smoothest or the most flowery with my words, but I always say the truth. And that's the truth. You got me?" He asked and I felt my lip tremble.
"But I practically threw myself at you." I whined and he just looked at me with a look which made me stop fidgeting.
"You were drunk, and you wanted to have sex with me. If you weren't drunk baby, I'd have taken up on that offer." He told me and I perked up.
"Really?" I asked and he smiled and nodded.
"Yep. After I've taken you out for a nice dinner, of course. You deserve it." He told me and I was happy. He didn't think I was a whore, and he actually wanted to have sex with me. The thought made me turn red. My sober brain wasn't much different than my drunk brain, I was still a slut for Ruhail. I wanted to feel him so much. I whimpered again.
"Baby?" He asked me in a worried voice.
"But why didn't you sleep with me?" I whined and he looked at me with a confused look in his eyes.
"Baby I just told you, you were drunk and I would never take advantage of you like that." He said and I vigorously shook my head. I obviously was in a temper today.
"Not that! You left me in the middle of the night, you didn't even sleep beside me!" I screamed in distress, I didn't like letting out my feelings like this, but I couldn't seem to stop.
"Shh shh baby." Ruhail said in a comforting tone as he saw how distressed I was. He hauled me up onto his lap and I pressed my face into his chest, inhaling his intoxicating scent.
"I didn't sleep beside you because I thought you wouldn't want me there in the morning. People want different things when they're drunk and sober. I'm sorry I made you feel bad." He said and I almost instantly felt better.
"I want the same things." I mumbled into his chest and felt him smile at the top of my hair.
"Yeah? Then how about we have that cuddle now, Bunny? Would you like that?" He asked and I excitedly nodded as I looked up.
"Yes, please!" I said and he smiled again.
"You sure? You don't wanna go home?" He asked and I shook my head.
"I don't have work to do today, I can take a day off. What about you?" I asked him while playing with his shirt.
"I can take a day off too." He said and I smiled up at him. Only to see that he was looking down at me with an apologetic expression, there was undeniable pain in his eyes.
"Baby..." He started and I stopped him.
"I know." I said, resting my head onto his chest where I could listen to his steady heartbeat. My hand crawled up to his hard chest in it's own accord.
"You do?" He asked me and it felt like he was supressing laughter. I squinted at him.
"Are you laughing at me?" I asked and he smiled his big smile at me, which made my insides turn to goo.
"You're the cutest, you know that?" He said and I blushed.
"Baby, I know you know what I want to say, but I want to say it anyway. So will you please, give me a chance to apologise to you? Hmm?" He asked, looking serious and I nodded.
"I know that what I did to you all those years ago is unforgivable, and I am still asking for your forgiveness, even though I know I don't deserve it. Because knowing that I hurt you hurts more than you never forgiving me." He said and I stared at him, lips parted.
"My mum, she is a grade A homophobe. She hated gay people, well, still hates gay people, with a passion. And that passion, she ingrained in me from the very beginning, so I never learned otherwise until college. So when you showed up at school, and I felt this, this pull... this powerful attraction to you, I felt dirty. I know I shouldn't have, but I did. I was angry. So fucking angry at myself baby, and I took it out on you." He said and a single tear escaped from his eye. I felt my throat close up.
"You see this?" He asked me, pointing at a small scar just above his left brow. I nodded, touching it with my finger.
"My mom threw a saucepan at me when I came out to my parents as bisexual, that left the scar." He said and I gasped. How can a mother do that to their own child?
"I'm sorry, Ru." I said and he gave me a small smile.
"She doesn't talk to me anymore, but dad does. I guess you can't have everything in the world." He said and chuckled humourlessly. I just put my head against his chest again.
"She shouldn't have done that." I mumbled and he just shrugged.
"No! She shouldn't have done that to you! Nobody should do that to anybody, let alone a mother to her child!" I said loudly, holding onto the collar of his shirt, my face close to his. He looked at me for a few seconds. The look in his eyes made me let go of his collar and mumble a weak "sorry", to which he kissed the top of my head.
"No matter what, it still doesn't account for what I did to you. I will never forgive myself for that. But, just... I don't know. I just don't want you to hate me. But I'd understand if you did." He said and I giggled. At which, Ruhail looked at me like I had lost my mind.
"I'm sorry. But, I let go of that the moment you saved me from that guy last night. I always knew that you didn't like what the other guys did to me but you were scared, and just a teenager. But you have redeemed yourself. You stand up for the right things now. So it's alright. I forgive you." I said, nuzzling into his chest again, which had probably become my favourite part of his body.
I was suddenly squished into his chest with his arms around me. My breath left me and I squeaked in pain.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But, I'm just so happy. Thank you baby. I'll do anything to prove it to you that I'm not that person anymore." He said and I smiled up at him.
"Cuddles." I demanded and he chuckled.
"Alright,Bunny. Let's go to bed and cuddle. Do you want to watch a movie?" He asked and I nodded happily.
"Can I watch Coco, please?" I had an affinity for Animated movies and Coco was my current favourite.
"Anything you want." He said and got up, my legs going around his waist and my arms around his shoulders.
"Thankie." I said and he kissed my cheek.
"You're welcome, Bunny." I blushed at the name. It made me feel squishy inside.
"Why are you calling me Bunny?" I asked in a low voice, averting my eyes from his face.
"You don't like it?" He cooed, knowing very well that I did.
"I like it." My voice was smaller and I knew I had a furious blush on my face. He brushed my cheekbone with his thumb and I looked up.
"You're soft and pretty like a little Bunny." He said and I blushed even more, hiding my face in his shoulder.
"Is my Bunny shy?" He cooed again and I gripped his shirt in mortification.
"I'm not shy!" I screamed at him and he stopped laughing.
"Do you really wanna talk to me like that? Hmm?" Ruhail asked in my ear in a voice that made me shiver all over. He had also gripped my uncovered thigh tightly and I whimpered.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled, somehow feeling extremely turned on by his behaviour.
"Look at me." He ordered.
I looked up and then he was so close to me, my breath hitched. His lips were literally millimetres away from mine and his breath fanned my face in a warm, comforting wave. I almost moaned. I wanted him to kiss me so bad, but he didn't make a move.
"Kiss me. Please." I whispered and he smirked before covering my lips with his.
I realised that I was tasting his lips on mine seven years later, and I had forgotten how good it felt even though I've thought about pretty often all these years. His lips dominated mine with a hunger that ignited a fire deep in me. It started in my belly, went downward towards my crotch, but also came upwards and spread into my heart, which pumped faster. I was already hard when he bit my lower lip, seeking permission to enter and I opened immediately and then his warm tongue was in my mouth.
I felt like I was floating. I held onto him for dear life while he ravished my mouth. He took everything from me and I had no choice but to give it to him.
And nothing ever felt better.
When he took away his mouth from mine, I gasped for breath. He immediately attached them to my neck and left open mouthed kisses everywhere. I moaned when I felt his big hands knead the soft flesh of my thigh and my ass.
When he finally leaned back from me, panting just a little, I was still clinging to him like a lifeline. I felt like I'd fall off his lap if I let go.
"That was a good kiss." I murmured after a while and he barked out a laugh.
"Understatement of the millennia Pretty Bunny." He said and I blushed. Smiling a little.
He was right.
It was the best damned kiss ever.