Desperately Seeking You

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Sawyer

Why wasn't Sawyer texting back? It showed he had read the messages, but he wasn't replying. Why not? She sighed as her dad looked over at her with concern. His grey brown eyebrows furrowed as he studied her anxiously taking in her pale complexion.

'Everything ok darling?' He asked, trying to pay attention to the newspaper and not her. He noticed her shrug as she flicked through the tv channels.

'Everything is fine dad.' She said quietly, her eyes fixed on the tv.

'Not seen Sawyer in a while.' He added, wondering if that was the source of her problems. The boy had been here constantly for a while, and now he was nowhere to be seen. He knew they were just friends; he'd listened at her door enough times. He had hoped something may develop; Sawyer was such a great guy. He was calm and clever, and he seemed to have a positive effect on her.

'Neither have I.' She said bitterly. 'He has a girlfriend now.'

That explained a bit. Maybe she was heartbroken. He wasn't very good at these kind of things, but he had to try. Sarah would've been amazing. His heart ached as he thought of his late wife, knowing she would've known exactly what to say. He had hoped the therapy would be helping Marcy have someone to talk to who was professional; but so far she didn't seem any different.

He cleared his throat as he folded the newspaper up, clasping his hands as he gazed at Marcy. He didn't understand why she didn't have a hoarde of boys at the door- she was naturally beautiful like her mother. Then again he was grateful that she didn't have countless boyfriends. He had wondered whether that Doug boy might've been one once, but she had assured him they were just friends.

'Want to go out for dinner? Anywhere you like, my treat.' he offered as she gave him a half smile.

'I really don't feel like it dad. But thank you. I just want to watch tv.'

There was a knock at the door, and he noticed her eyes widen. He strode over to it, opening it to see a handsome young man he had missed.

'Sawyer!' He clapped him heartily on the back as he turned to grin at Marcy, but she was darting up the stairs two at a time. 'Come in son, she is in her room.'

Sawyer smiled gratefully, making his way to the stairs. He hadn't been able to text her back. It was too complicated over text. He pushed the white door open to see her pulling a t shirt over her head, her midriff on display. Her eyes widened as she pushed her hair to the side in an attempt to sort her appearance out.

'You've been avoiding me.' She said, her voice low. He slumped onto her bed as she stood in front of him awkwardly. He put his hand out to her and she took it silently, and they stood like that for a while.

'You are so fucking complicated.' Sawyer said finally, sighing as he looked at her. She was biting her lip, watching him anxiously.

'But why?'

'Where do I start? You and Doug. You and Adam. You and Doug at sixteen.'

She dropped her hand then, and stared at the floor.

'You've told lies, Marce. I don't know what is true anymore. Are you seeing Adam now?'

She swallowed as she shook her head.

'It is what it is.' She shrugged as she sank onto he bed next to him, folding her leg under her.

'Just sex? But why? He seems to like you.' Sawyer said, their hands finding one another again. She held his hand tightly as she stared at the floor.

'I know he does. But how could that ever work?'

'If it does, it does. You know who you like deep down.' He gazed at their hands, a sadness filling him.

'How did you know about me and Doug?' She asked refusing to look at him. Sawyer explained how he had followed them out, only to overhear the conversation.

'I see. Well now you know. I fuck everyone.' She said sadly, as tears filled her eyes.

'Hey, not everyone. You've not fucked me.' He quipped, as she lifted her eyes to his.

'Because I didn't want to fuck you up like I did Doug.' She confessed as he held her in his arms. Sawyer thought of kissing her then, and to hell with the consequences. 'But you're with Amber now. Everything works out in the end.'

She didn't kiss him because she didn't want to fuck him up? What did she think it had done to him by not kissing him?!

'Can I be honest with you?' Sawyer asked softly, as she nodded.

'I think I started to fall in love with you. I'm not sure what it is Marcy-' he stopped, swallowing as she stared at him, her lips parted slightly. 'But I did. You made it clear you weren't interested, so I moved on.'

He brushed his hair back as she nodded, turning away from him. His heart thudded in his chest as he moved her hair away from her face.

'I fucked up.'

He sighed when she spoke, pulling her into his arms.

'Sshh. We all do.'

'Will you stay with me tonight?' She asked, her eyes locking on his.

'I'm not sure that's a good idea...' Sawyer began, remembering Adam's message. Plus he was with Amber.

'Please. Nothing like that. Just. Be here.'

He couldn't refuse her, he cared for her too much.

'Dont tell Amber.' He joked as he kissed her forehead. He sent a text to his mum, letting her know his plans before sinking onto the bed.

'Netflix?'

She nodded happily, snuggling into his arms. He sighed as he realised this was the happiest he'd been in months.

'Do you love her?' She asked, halfway into a film sometime later.

'No.' He answered honestly, his eyes begin to tire.

'So why are you with her?'

He tickled her arm softly, resting his head on hers as he closed his eyes.

'I had to move on.'

She was quiet then, and he relaxed against her.

'Did it work?' She whispered, tilting her head back to look at him. Their lips were inches away from each other, and he could smell her minty breath. She had been with Doug, and Adam. She was a liar, but he was entranced. He knew that if they did this now, everything would change. Her eyes searched his, her fingers sliding around his neck, slowly putting pressure on his head to bring him towards her.

'Adam?' He whispered as she closed her eyes.

'Sawyer...'

He couldn't do it. He couldn't let himself be just another guy who had contributed to fucking her head up. He pulled away.

'Its not right.' He said, his voice full of emotion. She nodded, turning back to the screen. Neither spoke, but she laid against him, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed. He didn't ask why. He just sat and comforted her silently, being what he should have been all along.

Her friend.

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