I sat on the bed at my apartment stroking Bella as I stared up at the ceiling thinking about well…everything. I had finished the last shift at the bakery and am supposed to be packing more clothing to bring back to the clubhouse. Pepper gave me an hour as he had a family call to pay attention to so he is waiting outside the building. Ryker hasn’t told me what’s going on, anytime he does he gets agitated and just kisses me so I have just assumed that the M8s have kept talking about how they want to kill me. That he doesn’t know what the plan is from the club so he is trying not to say that either.
My heart clenched thinking about the situation the club currently is in, particularly because I know I am bringing more heat on them with their relationship with the M8s. Plus, I do know that some brothers didn’t want me there and I couldn’t blame them. When I first came in I felt welcome now I am not sure where I stand. Apparently, the last fight they had against an enemy of the club, they lost a couple of good men, now they want to be sure that doesn’t happen.
So… here I am sitting on my bed while Ryker goes off and figures out how to take them down. I have no idea how to help but I want to since they are in trouble because of me. How can I just sit back while they run around trying to make sure no one starts shooting at them before they are ready?
Yet at the same time, and I know this is horrible, but I would rather be in the eye of the storm waiting for it to hit than running. I ran for so long I forgot how to live, how to be me and yeah things are going to get ugly soon but I am back to being me. I was Amara and I have Ryker now so if I die, I die being me and not a fake name living in shadows. Maybe that’s selfish with my previous thoughts of how the club is endangered. But I did try to leave but Ryker made me stay. They are brothers, even with them split. If Ryker wants me to stay so do they.
I let out a sigh. Would Ryker be interested in me after all this is over though? He isn’t Hamlet with adrenalin addiction but he likes action, and I sure do give him action. He said he loved me but doubt is the best friend of anxiety. A single whisper sets my brain into overdrive that once this over he may not want a simple life with me.
Shut up anxiety. I love Ryker as he loves me. Why else did he spend six months working every angle just so that I would talk to me. No need to go around in circles with these thoughts. The Riders hate the M8s for coming on their territory, they will go after them then I go back to court to keep those M8s from getting out of jail. Easy.
Fuck what would Dad think? We were so close and he died from an MC. How would he feel that I could suffer the same fate with the M8’s and am in love with a member from a different MC. Maybe he would be okay with it. My life in Portland was nothing like this. Then again, I was in high school before I left… though Ryker was in high school when he was with the Riders... Either way, never would my good girl brain think she would be with a MC member. I didn’t even date then either.
I flopped against the mattress in a different position, Bella snuggled into me helping me forget everything that was spinning around in my head. I really should be packing a bag of clothes that I desperately need but being away from the club for just a little bit gave me breathing space. Once back there I’ll try to see if Tatt is around, he always makes the situation lighter than it is.
Pushing myself off the bed I went to my closet grabbing clean clothes. Looking in the undergarment drawers I kicked myself for not stopping in a lingerie store that was having sale, that would have been a good night. Twenty minutes later there was a knock at the door. Zipping up the bag I walked over to open it seeing Hunter standing there with a weird look on his face.
“Hey Hunter, um Ryker isn’t here.” I said opening the door for him to enter feeling confused. He is a club enforcer so I am not sure why he would be at my door.
“Amara hey I know. He’s off with Briac,” Hunter began as he walked into the room looking around rolling his shoulders, “Birdy wants to see if you can help with wedding plans so I told Pepper I’d take you back.”
Nodding I picked Bella off the floor looking around the place wishing I had a bit more time away from the craziness. “Of course, where is she?”
“I can take you to her but leave Bella she is going a little crazy with the plans and the dogs may make her more stressed.” He replied, opening the door to my apartment as I put Bella on the floor, “I’ll have Pepper come after his call to grab her and bring her to the clubhouse
“Umm, okay I’ll be seeing you soon Bella,” I kissed her top before looking back to Hunter and following him out of the apartment with my bag. I didn’t know Hunter too well besides a few times he’s come by when I am with Ryker I should though since he is his best brother. “You getting excited for the wedding?”
“Can’t wait for her to be 100% mine. Hopefully all of this will be completely over with by then.” He replied stiffly make my nerves begin to rise for some reason.
I nodded wringing my hands together taking slow breaths as I followed him carrying the small bag. I was already missing Bella’s presence and quickly glanced at my phone seeing if Ryker had texted if he was coming back but a picture of us with cake frosting on us from a food fight stared back at me as the screensaver. Sighing I put it back in my back pocket looking back to Hunter’s back who still looked rigid with his hands clamping open and closed by his sides.
“Is everything okay?” Glancing around I saw that we were going away from my car to the alleyway near my place. Shouldn’t I be getting in my car and he on his bike?
Hunter rolled his shoulders looking back at me, I couldn’t help but feel something wrong in my gut but it’s Hunter, he’s Ryker best friend sometimes referred to as ‘Mistress’, there shouldn’t be anything wrong. “What’s going on Hunter?” My feet stopped walking as we were close to the alley.
“There is no other way Amara…We have to do this.” My body took a step back as he stopped walking. “Spotter.” He turned around and I soon found an arm around my waist pulling me flush against them as I thrashed around, the bag dropping from my hands. I felt a piece of cloth wrap around my mouth to keep me quiet. My eyes wide as I looked between Hunter and Spotter wondering what the hell was going on. “I am sorry Amara.”
“Ryyyyykkkerrr” I tried to talk through the cloth but it stopped any coherent sound, “he wouldn’t want this.” I tried to say but it too didn’t come out very well just a bunch of gargles.
I tried to move out of their grasp but Hunter grabbed my wrists tying them in front of me with zip-ties despite my protests. My breathing was becoming erratic as a panic attack was setting in, tears filling my eyes and everything around me was going either too fast or too slow. This wasn’t happening. This ishappening!
“I am doing this for Ryker. He didn’t claim you… you’re not a part of the club. There was no other choice for you Amara. It’s either you or they kill Birdy.” Hunter said pulling me out of Spotter’s grasps and began pulling me back into the alley where there was an SUV.
My body wiggled as hard as I could but Hunter only responded by tightening his grip as Spotter walked up to the SUV looking at me with a grimace. “Trust meAmara this is the best option.”
I shook my head feeling tears streamed down my face at the thought of what was going to happen. Trust them?I trusted them! And now I was bound and muted meaning that they were going to kill me just as what the M8s told them too. Wait were they going to kill me or were they going to give me away? Which way could have been worse? Letting the Riders kill me? People I thought of being a possible family. Or them giving me to the M8s who god only know what they would do to me before killing me.
My panic was full on and I felt my knees buckle making Hunter wrap his hands around my waist to keep my body from landing on the cement as I started to hyperventilate. This only caused Hunter to grab my body, flipping me over his shoulder as the trunk of the SUV was opened just as he threw me into the back. I tried to get out but Hunter only threw me back in before closing the door locking me in the car.
My head fell back as sobs racked through me. What was that saying? Out of the frying pan and into the fire? Is that what I did? Got out of the M8s territory only to be with the Riders, well Ryker, and now all that was for nothing. If Ryker didn’t claim me then does that mean he agrees with whatever this is? My heart felt as if it was being ripped out as I heard Hunter and Spotter starting up the car and drive away from my place still murmuring to each other as I so desperately tried getting some air in my lungs.
My breathing was becoming worse and worse. Nothing being able to stop the panic attack and the cloth in my mouth wasn’t helping any breathing techniques I was taught. I could barely hear Hunter and Spotter talking in hushed tones up front before black dots formed in my eyes.
What would have happened if Ryker claimed me? Did he love me or was I just a fuck? Was I a way for them to get in with the M8s?
I needed to be strong but it was too hard to calm down. It felt like I was being drowned and soon enough my body fell back limp. My breathing wasn’t back to normal and the next thing I saw was darkness.