Finding Home

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Chapter Sixteen

I love partying. I’ve loved the ideas of parties since I was a little girl. I remember I needed to have birthday parties every year for my family and friend, Maria. I wasn’t very popular in school but I’ve always enjoyed the idea of family being together at the same time and partying to celebrate me.

But, I’m older now. I live an entirely different lifestyle. I’m almost obligated to throw parties once in a while just to get a mention out there. Of course I would never let anything bad happen at any of my parties with my Hollywood friends but I would probably declared winner for best parties in California.

My parties were fun when I was a child. I made sure everyone had the best time of their life while present. And before Grey’s Anatomy and all of this, I wanted to be an event planner. As an event planner you are responsible for everyone’s happiness who attends the event. I have a great eye for party themes and I surely know how to manage my time and money. I even had a binder with weddings plans I had com up with at the age of six.

One; my dress had to be created specifically by Vera Wang. Not only were her dresses elegant and one of a kind with each creation, but she also takes personal preferences and turns it into something wonderful. My dress also had to hold the color of a champagne pink color in a vintage style. I didn’t care what it looked like, as long as it was made by Wang and held those two standards then I believed I would love it either way. Two; I wanted my wedding to be on held at a winery or high class golf course. I don’t know why, but I love the vintage setting it gives off in either venue. Three; all of my photos would be in black and white. The decade before us is the kind of love I wanted to feel. Men cared more about us women than they do now. And I noticed that since I was a little kid. You could tell by the images taken of people from the past that they truly loved their woman. Four; I wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle. We weren’t always close, even before I got pregnant with Kelia. But I still had this fairytale idea that my dad was going to want to walk me down the aisle and give me away to the man I’m to honor and love for the rest of my life. Five; a pastor would perform the wedding script and would unite my husband and I as one. I was so religious back then, I wanted it to be like a movie. Six; we light the candle of unity together in front of our families and friends as a symbol. Seven; we party like we are in a Prince video in 1999.

This house warming party is going to be one to remember. Kelia is going to be at her grandparents house for the night. Maria, Cody, and all of my Hollywood friends will be present. We have food of every culture being delivered in a few minutes by a caterer. And my favorite part, we will have booze and jungle juice fully stocked. I’m not objecting to marijuana being in the house but the moment that I see someone doing any other substance besides that then the party is shut down and everyone has to go home.

I get to let loose tonight. I’ve been so bottled up with everything going on with Matty and I, that I need to let go tonight. I need to have fun and let go of all my worry. Matty and my relationship isn’t perfect yet but we are engaged now. I supposed that means we are in the right direction. Everything about him asking me for my hand in marriage seemed right. I’ve always known that I wanted to marry this man. But I was wary that it wasn’t going to happen because of the status we were at. Yet, here we are. Happily engaged. I just hope it lasts and we don’t drift away from each other again.

“Babe?” I heard Matty call for me while I stood in the closet body mirror with Maria and Roxy sitting on my sofa.

“In here!” I shouted out for him while I pulled my shimmery black Alexander Wang tank dress over my head. I love glitter and what’s a better event to wear it to if it’s not my own? I am going strut this party and I’m going to demolish it.

Matty walked into the room seconds later looking as sexy as he does any other day. His outfit looked like something he would’ve worn to a football party but I’m not complaining. He can pull off any outfit from any day in age but I liked this outfit mostly because of the bleached blue jean jacket and the Yeezy’s that matched perfectly together. He’s been sent so many gifts from my friends as a thank you for serving our country and I couldn’t be more happy for him. Shopping is difficult for him because he takes so long making a choice and this way he automatically loves it because it was a gift.

“Baby.” he smiled heavily at me as his eyes locked with my choice of dress. If eyes could draw, I’m sure Matty would be considered a real artist just by how he is studying my every move right now. I love his facial expressions, that’s how I know if I’m doing it right or not. “You look,” his face grew red and he was flustered, “Wow.”

“Thanks, love.” I slipped my Playboy Bianca Black gem stiletto heels on my feet and I walked to meet him halfway, “Has anyone arrived yet?” I lightly kissed his cheeks. He has such kissable cheeks.

“The boys are already here. The girls are at Hailey’s getting ready and a couple other people showed up.” he playfully snuck a kiss, “Do you even have an rsvp list we can go off?”

“I think tonight will be okay. Garrett and Ricky will both be there, along with Mikey.” I walked back to the girls to grab my purse. I always have liquor in my purse and it’s time to pre game before we begin this amazing night. I handed Maria and Matty the tiny bottles of Jack Daniel’s Whiskey and I held two in my hand. “It’s time to let loose, baby.”

I took Maria’s shot for her, unfortunately she can’t consume the fun we are about to feel but I’ll do it for her. I’ll take one or two for the team. It’s my job. We held the miniature glass bottle in our hands capless and we clacked the glasses together before we all took a full mouths worth of the spicy liquor.

I finished both bottles of liquor before Matty and Maria finished their first ones. Tonight is my night to let loose, as I said before. I’ve earned it. I’ve finished my first movie. I’ve become engaged. My parents and I are on respectful terms. I’m saving Africa. And I’ve bought my own mansion with my own money. I deserve this. Whether it’s considered an engagement party or a house warming party or a even a celebration for the finish of my first movie. I don’t care. Tonight is my night.

“Chill, babe. You’re not going to be saying that tomorrow morning.” Maria giggled as she watched me search through my purse for another round of bottles for us to shoot down.

“Ah, that’s sweet. You think I’m going to stop drinking.”

“Maybe she’s-,” someone knocked on the closet door interrupting Matty. It was probably for the best. I more than likely wasn’t going to hear what he was going to say.

“Who is it?” I walked over to the door and opened the mirrored door.

“Yo, a bunch of your guests are downstairs and asking for you two.” Garrett stepped back and studied my dress. “You could’ve done better, but I guess that’s a nice choice. You couldn’t have chosen different earrings? Probably your black diamond earrings would be the better choice rather than the hoops.”

I glanced in the mirror and he was right. I could’ve topped the look off with the black diamond earrings. I’m more than likely to going to get sloppy drunk tonight and I’m going to be in need of Matty saving me. Hoops are not the better choice. “You’re right. Come in.” I love that my security always has best of heart for my reputation and not just for the work. They truly care about me.

As Garrett walked behind me, he immediately met with Matty and dapped him up while getting excited about the party. “Yo, it’s going to be dumb lit tonight.” Matty chuckled with Garrett like he’s in a college sorority house party. That’s right, babe. Let loose.

“Do you have anything that we should be watching out for?” Garrett asked.


“Anything else?” I pulled my hoops out and searched through my standup jewelry box for my black diamond studs.

“I don’t want any hardcore drugs going on in the house. It’s okay if someone sparks a blunt or hits a bong but I draw the line at anything more. I’d also like it if one of you three could stand watch at the staircase. I don’t know how many people are showing up but I know that parties lead to sex and under no circumstances is anyone having sex in my childs or my own bed.”

Garrett agreed with me as he shrugged his shoulders, “That’s reasonable.”

“Thank you.” I admired him very much. “Are Hail’s and Zen here?”

As Garrett went to respond he was interrupted by people shouting from outside the closet, “Yes. They’ve just arrived.” he glared at me as Hailey and Zen trampled through the doorway using each other as the only support and Justin walks in behind them with an annoyed smile on his face.

“We’re here bitches, let’s get this show on the road!” Hailey stumbled over her feet and fell into my arms and I could smell the liquor on her breath. Why am I not at her level? Why have I not finished pregaming? I need to outdrink Hailey tonight.

“You look good as fuck.” Zen started dancing with Hailey and I felt the vibes instantly grow higher than what it was before. I knew it was going to be lit before, but now I know it’s going to be epic. This is going to be my dream party.

“We, out.” I am an exotic dancer tonight. Nothing more and nothing less.

“I thought tonight was going to be fun.” Justin whined to Matty and Garrett behind us.

“Fuck off!” the girls started laughing at my remark. We stumbled our way down the staircase and I walked into a living room filled with both my school friends and Hollywood friends. There couldn’t be more than thirty people right now but this is only the first hour of the party. People don’t usually show up to parties until two or three hours after the start time.

Everyone standing in the living room grew silent as we stopped in the middle of the staircase. I looked at everyone with weird vibes, “Why are you all just standing there? Let’s turn the music up and get this party started!” Everyone began cheering immediately and Matty turned the surround sound system on with today’s top hit songs.

I’m so excited for tonight. We are going to have a little bit of everything. We have a photobooth with tons of props from the movie and funny accessories of your choice. We also brought out the Xbox and Just Sing It! 4 and set up a score board next to the dance floor. We have beer four beer pong tables set up with an unlimited amount of Budweiser and miscellaneous beers.

The worst part about throwing a party is greeting everyone in the beginning. After I greeted the thirty or so people who were already here and partying I had decided it’d be best for me to just greet everyone at the door who walks in. It’ll help me keep track of who is here and it’ll save more time greeting people in groups rather than one person at a time.

I don’t want to spend too much time on greeting anyone. I want to spend time taking body shots off of my best friends stomach and school Matty in beer pong. I don’t have the time to worry about greeting every single person.

After a few more shots, I expect to remember nothing.

“I want to see Justin and Matty try this!” I laughed while I held a 750mL bottle of bourbon in one hand and the karaoke microphone in my other hand. It’s not easy reading the screen while taking a shot every time Selena says the word heart in The Heart Wants What It Wants and singing all at the same time and the boys are talking hot shit.

“Get off the stage and watch it be done.” Matty changed the song on his phone and walked on stage with Justin behind him. I feel some regret challenging Justin to a singing competition. It’s his job to be able to do this kind of stuff under different kinds of stress.

I could never.

“Pick a word.” it’s not even fair. I don’t know what the song of choice is. The word heart is literally in the title of the song that I was singing to. It was hard. I don’t care what they say.

“What’s the song called?” he pressed the screen of his phone and instrumental Popstar by Drake began playing. “Oh, that’s easy! Popstar!” I handed the microphone to Matty and took a sip of my bottle.

I went to walk off stage to give the boys their space to show me out but I felt Matty pull me back beside him, “Uh, nice try. If we are going to be up here making fools of ourselves to show you out, then you’re going to be right beside me, babe.” Matty said into the microphone with an evil grin on his face.

“Babe, no.” I’m lowkey embarrassed. It must be the alcohol. I’m usually never embarrassed of what I do or say.

“Babe, yes.” I tried pulling away but he held on tight to my hand and began singing the first verse of the song with Justin. The song is nearly five years old but Justin still knows it word for word. He wasn’t given the choice. It’s a banger rap and he was the main star of the music video.

Without surprise, Matty and Justin murdered the entire song and even continued to rap with each other to the beat of the Popstar instrumental beat. My man looked so good beside me having the time of his life as he sang his life away. I can’t stand the thought of other women looking at him or the thought of him getting attention from any other female. It makes me sick to my stomach most times knowing that he wasted his time with previous girls before me. But I’ve accepted it that it took him longer than myself to find each other.

I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with this man and have a lifetime of banger parties with each other and our friends and family. I never expected my life to ever turn out like a movie. But it did and it will continue. I’m not complaining. I couldn’t ask for a better life. And I have God to thank for that, in all honesty.

The thing with alcohol is you tend to not remember the night before. And the morning after is probably the worst, depending on how much you consume you’ll even come to hate yourself for even thinking that consuming numerous bottles of liquor was remotely a smart idea. But not myself.

I love the idea of getting drunk and letting loose. Whoever says that alcohol can’t fix your problems is a liar. Matty and I had a blast with all of our friends drinking and playing games then at the end of the night we had hot steamy drunk sex in our jet spa tub. All of our problems were put at the bottom of the chain just for the few hours and it was exactly what we needed.

I’d consider any party successful if I can’t remember the previous night. The aftermath of the videos are the best. I can watch myself let loose and have fun for a change without worrying who is watching and recording. I couldn’t have done a better job at throwing the banger. I can’t wait to throw more, too.

I woke up to the sun shining bright on my face and a hammer pounding in my head - the worst part about throwing an awesome party. The hangover. I’m just concerned as any other person my age. I know best just as the others that the best way to cure a hangover is with more alcohol and greasy foods.

I can feel Matty’s body against mine. He’s always so warm that his body always radiates heat from his skin which always made sleeping with him so much romantic. I’m cold, cuddling. I’m sad, cuddling. I have contractions, cuddling. Most would call me spoiled when it comes to Matty being mine, and I’d have to agree with them one hundred percent. But I don’t care. I got lucky with this one. And I’m never letting him go.

“Good morning, baby.” I lightly rolled over and wrapped my arm around his torso to interlock my fingers with his. I lightly kissed the back of his bare shoulder and he groaned in his sleep.

The hammer on my head is bludgeoning my brain harder and harder every minute that passes but I’ve dealt with worse. It’ll pass. But the bowling ball that is sitting on my stomach and bladder says a different story. I’m assuming Matty is only feeling it ten times stronger than me. I’m used to this life. He isn’t.

“Babe,” I uncovered the blanket from his torso and began rubbing his happy trail, “Where’d our phones go?”

“Shh,” he grabbed the blanket from his hips and covered his head. I am marrying a child. “I think they’re in the bathroom.” he whispered lightly.

If he wasn’t so cute acting like this right now, I’d be pissed that he shushed me. But he’s just so adorable and attractive to watch in this state of mind that I kind of want to throw another banger.

“I’ll order some delivery service and get you some Motrin. Are you going to be okay?” I lightly giggled as I spoke. I couldn’t hold it in. Last night was the first time Matty and I have ever done, well, that. I’m not sure what it’s called but we did something magnificent and I don’t even care if anyone has embarrassing videos of us. By all means, I’d love for them to be sent to us.

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he quickly threw the comforter blanket from overtop of his body and he ran for our master bathroom. He’s in stage three; vomiting the alcohol up. I could hear the liquid that was once in his stomach splash against the water in the toilet. As I walked to the bathroom I could hear him moaning and groaning in pain like he is a six year old with a horrible case of the stomach flu and I honestly feel the need to nurture him back to health like a mother.

Mother instincts.

I walked into the bathroom and started the bath tub with steaming hot water. If there was one thing that always makes me feel better after a long night of drinking, it’s the hot bubble baths the following morning. I reached into the medicine cabinet behind the face mirror above the sink and I dropped three honey caplets into my hand. I filled a crystal glass with water from the sink and I waited as Matty continued to puke the liquids he ingested.

I lightly rubbed his back with one hand while I held the pills with the other hand waiting patiently, “It’s okay, babe. Get it all out.”

“Letting loose sucks.” he spit into the toilet and looked at me with puppy eyes, “How are you functioning right now? You drank more than me.”

“Call it providential.” I gloated. I handed him the three capsules and grabbed the glass of water. “Take these and wait for me in the bath, I’ll order out while I grab us some clothes.”

“Yes, ma’am.” his head nearly fell into the toilet as I made my way into the bedroom, “Don’t forget the phones.” he gagged.

“Right.” I grabbed the phone from the marble counter and I exited the room while scrolling through my emails and text messages.

I grabbed two pairs of Matty’s grey Champion sweatpants, a white t-shirt for Matty, and my cut grey Army cropped top that I had made myself and I set the neatly folded clothes on the unmade bed before walking into the kitchen. Matty loves eating at the Polo Lounge. It’s elegant and peaceful, while their food is rated with five stars. I ordered Matty two Carnitas Breakfast Burrito’s and I ordered myself the Egg White Frittata with sides of sausage and bacon for us to munch on in case we are hungry after we finish our meals.

I looked around for a bottle of liquor that was leftover from the party and I have my mind set on one thing to cure this hangover. More liquor. I don’t have to see Kelia for one more night and I’m taking full advantage of the situation.

I found my favorite liquor bottle half full, Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, and I chugged a few sips of the clean liquor. I love bourbon the most. It’s an easy drink to take down and it gets the job done quick. Myself being the job. Once I began to feel a slight ease of pain leave my body, I walked upstairs to the bedroom and I grabbed the clothes before getting into the bath with Matty.

His head was resting on the edge of the ceramic tiles that lined the spa tub and he had a flattened washcloth resting on his face. I turned on the radio and put on Duke Ellington smooth jazz to set the mood.

Last night was the night to let loose. And today is the day to sit back, relax, and be lazy. Together.

“How are you feeling?”

“I think I’ll live.” he didn’t even flinch when I spoke. “How are you feeling? Did you have fun?”

“I feel fine.” I began undressing myself from the top and working my way down. “The last thing I remember is standing on stage with you and Justin watching the girls laugh at us. So, I think it’s safe to say I had fun.” I giggled as I fully undressed myself and dipped my toe in the water to test the heat.

“Come here.” Matty slipped the wash cloth off his face and sat up straight allowing me to step into the warm jetted bath water. Bathrooms are my main priority when I choose any kind of venue or house. Sure, your living room is important, too. But I believe that when you enter someone else’s bathroom, you get to really know the person. It’s like walking into a public bathroom and you get a view of it as you walk in; first impression. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay? You had a little bit of everything.”

“I’m one hundred percent sure I’m fine. Did you have fun?” I laid back into his lap and he kissed my bare neck. I love his little pecks. They send shivers through my entire body and gives me butterflies.

“In the moment, yeah.” he lightly chuckled while hugging my waist, “But I regret it all now.”

I’m saddened to hear that. I hoped that even though he’s hungover horribly, he would want to do it again. I love partying. I love acting my age in my early twenties. I only get a few nights of the month off from being a mother and I tend to use the free nights to my full extent. I love her, but I need time to myself and having her by my side twenty four seven isn’t healthy for neither her or myself.

“Hey,” he lifted my head up by my chin and smiled at me with the corner of his lip, “I’m kidding. It was definitely a night to remember.”

“Are you sure? We don’t have to do it again if you don’t want to.”

“Babe - I’m cool.” he joked. “Why are you so sad?”

“I don’t want to mess things up, that’s all.” I laid my head back into the crease of his neck and I focused on entering Zen mode.

“If I didn’t think we were ready, I wouldn’t have proposed. Are you having second thoughts?” he kissed the side of my head lightly. He picked his hand out of the water and let the droplets fall from his fingertips onto my collar bones.

I wouldn’t call them second thoughts. I would call it anxiety. Our relationship has been quite the roller coaster since we first met and we are finally ready to tie the knot. But my life hasn’t been easy. It’s always been two steps forward and one giant step back. Something is always causing something to go wrong. It always has and probably always will.




I can’t wait for the day we say I do and we become united as one. With every power that I’m given, I’m going to make sure that this is the perfect wedding that both Matty and I deserve. We’ve come too far along to let something stop us now. We are more than halfway to the finish line and I get to declare that I won.

I heard him sigh lightly. I can’t explain it to him in a way he would understand. I can only hope that holds out for me and knows that I’m so in love with him that I have no other choice but to marry him. I believe fate brought us together when we needed each other most. And when we needed more, he gave us Kelia.

“I love you, Matteo.” I’ve entered Zen mode. “There are no second thoughts.” but there isn’t any visions of my wedding either besides what I had picked out when I was a child. So, I’m not sure what to tell him.

“I love you, too.” he kissed the top of my head. “Sit back and relax, mi amor.”

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