Michael and I hadn’t spoken about that night a few weeks ago, when Tommy came barging in. He was gone for a few hours and never explained where he went or why. I tried a few times to question him, but never got many answers. By now everyone seemed to accept that I belonged to Michael and other than the occasional ass grabbing by Mike, I have been left alone by the other guys. I’m am so thankful to Michael for that. He has protected me and has not hurt me. A strange relationship has developed between us, when we are alone, he gentle, he doesn’t act possessive towards me. However, downstairs, he continues to caress, kiss and publically touch me whenever he wants to. Sometimes, when I wake up he will have his arm around me. For some strange reason, I don’t mind, it makes me feel safe.
I have seen so much in this place, things I never imagined. They had no filters, no judgement. They cursed, fought, were constantly drunk and treated the girls as property. They were quick to smack any one of us, for not obeying their commands. I have seen people having sex, sometimes groups even. I don’t think anything could surprise me now. Michael seems to be high up in the chain of command here, everyone seemed to respect him.
I haven’t given up on escaping from here. I will. There’s a countdown to something big, everyone keeps talking about when the Gratlands get here. Michael is still guarded on what he will tell me and I haven’t gotten close with any of the girls here. Michael keeps me separated as much as possible. When he goes off riding, I always stay in our room, away from the others.
“Hey, I have a surprise for you,” Michael announced.
“What do you have for me?”
He held out a small brown bag. I smiled from ear to ear, grabbed it and tore it open. Inside I saw a Snickers bar!
“Oh! My God! I have missed you, chocolate!” I was so excited. I stuffed a big bite into my mouth and smiled. Michael watched me. “Thank you!” I said with my mouth full. I instantly hugged him.
“I remembered you saying that chocolate was one of the things you missed since you’ve been here.”
“That’s for sure! I have list.”
“Tell me!” he laughed.
“Going to the movies, shopping, getting pedicures, going out to dinner, but what about you? Do you have a list, there must be things you miss?” I asked.
“Um, I could definitely go for a Krispy Kreme donut! Maybe a haircut.”
“I could try to cut your hair?”
He laughed, “Well, I could try to give you a pedicure!”
I laughed as well and popped the last piece of chocolate into my mouth.
“I want to teach you something, Allison, Come over here.” He had another bag and pulled out a roll of duct tape.
“What is that for?”
“I’m gonna show you some things you can do to protect yourself, put your hands together, trust me.” He rolled the tape around my wrists. “Now take your arms over your head and swing them down as fast as you can and pull them across your knees,” he demonstrated.
I tried, nothing happened? “Do it again, harder!” he commanded. “Get angry if you have to, make that tape tear off your arms! Keep doing it up and then down.”
The third time I hit my knees the tape seemed to easily tear apart! “How’d that happen?”
“That’s good, Allison, you did it, see. Now this part’s going to hurt a bit.” He pulled the tape off of my arms.
“Sorry! Give me your arms again.” He took a rope out of the bag next and tied my arms together again. “Now take your arms and shimmey them, like this,” he demonstrated. “Don’t try to pull out of the rope, squeeze your arms together, tight as you can, rub them together, back and forth, like this.”
“Ok.” I tried. “Nothing’s happening?”
“You’ve got to do it for awhile.”
“Not as much as what someone’s going to do to you, if they have you tied up,” he warned.
“Ok.” I kept it up, my arms turned bright red.
“That’s it, make the rope move up and down your arms.”
And then it happened, the rope loosened somehow and I got my arms out! “How do you know how to do these things?” I asked.
“Everyone should learn, especially women. I have more to show you. What do you do if someone comes up to you unwillingly and grabs your arms like this?” he pulled mine tight. “Your not going to get away by pulling, because I am stronger than you.”
“So, I should scream and kick and….”
“That’s all good, but watch, hold my arms like I am doing to you, so I can show you how to get away.” I did exactly what he said. “Feel what happens to you when I hit your wrists like this,” he easily got away from my grasp. “Give me yours again,” he held tight. “Now try and get free, without pulling.”
I tried, he was strong. “I can’t do it!”
“Yes, you can! Twist them faster! Keep trying. I’m not letting go till you do it and I’m going to keep squeezing harder and harder till you do.”
“Michael, don’t, I’m already sore from the tape and rope.”
“Sorry, your need to learn this,” he squeezed harder. “Your pulling, it’s not gonna work like that.”
“Damn it, Michael don’t hold so tight.”
“Is that what your gonna tell some psycho, you think he’s gonna listen to you? Twist at my wrists.”
I did it! It finally worked! “Wow!”
“Do it again!” he said.
I did, over and over. “Show me more Michael!”
“Ok, the best places to hit are the eyes, nose, crotch and knees. So you might be able to kick at someone’s knees or crotch easity, but do it as hard as you can! Use your thumbs to poke at someones eyes, you push them in hard, you can’t be afraid to hurt them. We’re not practicing those!” he smiled.
“Ok, I got it!”
“I can’t punch you!”
“Your not going to hurt me Allison. Do it as hard as you can right here in my arm.” I did and he laughed, “Ok that’s obviously not going to stop anyone, right?”
“I guess not.” I admitted.
“But, for the record, when you punch someone, hold your hand like this and put your thumb here.”
“It doesn’t feel right?”
“You can keep hitting me, if you want to?” he joked.
“Um, no, is there more?” It made me feel powerful!
“The nose, it’s easy to break, you take your hand like this and shove it upwards as hard as you can, you see?”
“Thank you, Michael...I wish I knew this before.”
“Well, you know it now.”
“Michael, where’d you get the chocolate?”
“At the store.”
“Where’s the store? Did you go?” My mind began racing. “I never thought before, but obviously people get cigarettes and food and beer from somewhere close by. That’s it, don’t you see?”
He looked confused. “I can get you more, if that’s what your asking?” he said.
“Can you take me there Michael?”
“You could, if you wanted to, and you could leave me...”
“Stop!” he grabbed my arm hard. He headed for the bathroom.
In the shower, he held my chin up to his face, “Don’t even think about it! You hear me!”
“Please listen, all you’d have to do is get me there and then you could leave, I will figure out the rest,” I tried to explain.
“You are so naive, Allison. What do you think? I just happen to lose you at the store? Seriously, they’d shoot me when I got back, think of that? Huh? You have no idea who you’re dealing with. I don’t want to hear another word about it ever, got it?”
I’d seen this side of Michael before, he was very angry with me. I couldn’t help myself. I had to keep trying to convince him. “I would never tell anyone about this place or you, I promise,” I tried to keep my voice to a whisper.
“You know their names, their faces, they would never let you live outside of here. Wake up Allison. I can’t handle it anymore, I don’t want to ever hear you bring it up again, got it! FUCK! You think it’s been easy on me, ever considered me in all this? No, I don’t think so.”
My eyes searched his for understanding. “I don’t know.”
“No, you don’t. You think I don’t want to let you go? Your wrong! I didn’t want someone else to worry about. I didn’t want someone else to sleep in my bed every night, to shower with, to be stuck in my head every second of every day! I didn’t ask for it, did I?”
“I know you didn’t and you know I’m thankful, right?”
“Yeah, I know Allison, and I know you don’t get it, please trust me. I will not discuss this with you again.”
“Ok,” I backed down, I felt bad, bad for Michael being put in this situation too he was right. None of this was his doing.
“Listen to me, I need you to trust me.”
“It won’t be forever, ok.”
What does that mean? I wanted to ask, I wanted to know more, but I couldn’t question him any more. “I’m sorry, You’ve done so much for me and I take it for granted sometimes, your right you didn’t ask to have me in your life. You didn’t have to...”
“Hey, I don’t regret anything with you. This damn place makes me crazy and you’ve been the only part keeping me sane. I didn’t mean to blame you.”
After a few minutes of silence, Michael pushed my body against the cold shower wall, he looked right into my eyes and slowly kissed my lips. His tongue moved throughout my mouth and his hand wandered up to by breast. I could feel he was hard. I didn’t back off, I didn’t tell him to stop, I didn’t want him to stop. I met his tongue with excitement and wanted him to touch me. I had never felt passion like this before.
“Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to kiss you?” He didn’t let me answer. “Do you know how frustrating it’s been to be here in the shower with you naked day after day,” he said as his mouth moved down to my nipple and his hand fondled the other.
I moaned with anticipation of more. I didn’t care about anything going on outside of this room, my only thoughts were of Michael and his touch. It felt so good. I let my hand wander around his chest and felt his muscles.
Michaels eyes met mine and he hesitated for a moment, as if waiting to see if I had any objections. “I need you to tell me ... because I’m pretty sure...but I need to hear it...you do want me?”
“Yes Michael, I want you.”
Before I could barely get the words out his tongue pushed into my mouth again, harder this time and then I felt him grab my hand, “C’mon.” We walked into the bedroom, still dripping wet and he laid on top of me. My heart raced. Slowly, he licked his way down as he pushed my legs apart and then licked inside of me. He used his finger to enter me slow at first and then faster as he explored all of me. My body moved with pleasure and my breath was short and fast until I felt my whole body shake with excitement.
He knew he had pleased her and needed to be inside of her, it had been way to long since he’d had sex. He kissed her once more and then slowly entered her. She wrapped her legs around him and moved back and forth, wanting more. He pounded faster and harder. She rubbed my back as her body rocked with mine. I couldn’t wait any longer, I came inside her and then collapsed on top of her breasts, still fondling them.
After a few minutes, he raised himself up over me and we locked eyes and just for a few seconds said nothing, no words, just thoughts of how amazing that just felt. He smiled, kissed
me again very gently and then slowly rolled onto his back and I snuggled right into his armpit, rubbing his chest as it pounded.
Instinctively, I pulled the covers over me and then heard Michael say, “Oh no! You’ll be lucky if you ever get to wear clothes again!” he laughed. “Definitely not covering you up. Come here.” He pulled me over on top of him and I sat up rubbing his chest as he looked at me.
“Really, how about you? Will you be wearing clothes anymore?” I teased.
“I don’t think anyone else will mind, if I didn’t?”
And with just the mention of others, we both knew instantly where we were and what was around us. I slid off, into his arms as he cradled me. He whispered, “You know if there were a way, I’d let you go, if I could, right?”
“I know.” We drifted off to sleep.
The following days passed with the usual routines. I somehow became responsible for dishes nightly, but didn’t totally mind. It gave me something to do. Michael and I went shooting a few more times and I was beginning to become quite comfortable loading and shooting. I could tell he wanted me to learn. I knew I still had to get out of here, but tried to trust in Michael, he did say it wasn’t going to be forever, as if he had a plan. I tried to question him several more times, but he definitely had no patiences when it came to my questioning him.
Michael and I shared each others bodies routinely now. I can’t explain how I feel about him. I try to rationalize it to myself, try to make some sort of sense out of this situation, but can’t. I can’t deny I want him, yet there’s no question, I still want to leave this place. That fact will never change.
It was Friday, Michaels birthday, after dinner we all sat outside, lit sparklers and sang “Happy Birthday.” I kissed his cheek and said, “Sorry, there’s no cake.”
“No worries, I’ll get my dessert later.” He winked at me and I smiled back.
Angie came over and boldly kissed Michael on the lips, “Happy birthday honey!” She then plopped right next to him, ignoring me totally. She seemed unhappy I was here too, jealous I think, because she wanted Michael. She had made that very clear.
“I have a present for you, Michael,” Angie said.
“Yeah, come on, I’ll show you.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him away.
He looked back at me, and said, “I’ll be right back!”
Matt came over next to me, real close. He put his hand of my leg and said, “Well there, finally a minute Michael’s not up your ass.”
I said nothing, didn’t look at him, didn’t move. I noticed everyone going off and back into the house and within minutes the backyard was empty. I tried to stand up, but he held my leg down as if to say don’t move. Where the hell was Michael? I thought.
“You seem to be distracting my boy. I need him ready and alert for our visitors, understand?”
“Yes,” I said. “No problem.” And again I tried to stand up.
He leaned over, “Not so fast,” as he grabbed the back of my hair hard and pulled me toward him.
“Let go! Your hurting me!” I shouted.
He forced his mouth on top of mine and shoved his tongue in. He pulled my hair harder and forced me to lay back on the ground. He held both my hands within his one, and the other flew up my shirt towards my breast. He squeezed so hard, it hurt and again he shoved his tongue in my mouth.
Tears poured down my face. I shook my head back and forth to stop him, “No! Don’t!” I whined and then felt the sting of his backhand across my face. I felt him pulling off my sweatpants, down to my ankles and then seen him lowering his own.
“Michael!” I screamed as loud as I could. Then again felt the same sting on my cheek, only harder and then harder again each time, till I laid still.
“Get off!” I heard. It was Tommy, and he easily yanked Matt back off of me and to the ground.
“Mind your own fucking business!” he said as he stumbled to get up.
“Oh you’d better thank me old man, cause when Michael finds out what you tried to do to his girl, he will kill you for sure.”
“Awh fuck him.” Matt studderd.
“You listen to me asshole, you wanna fuck up our deal over this bitch, huh? Go get any pussy you want, take your pick. Not this one, trust me. He’ll go crazy on you, and there will be no money for any of us!” Tommy urged him.
“Fine! She ain’t worth it!” and he spit towards me. “Well she’s gonna tell him, I tried.”
“I’ll take care of her, I’ll make sure she doesn’t.” Tommy said and glared at me.
I had put my pants back on, but remained sitting on the ground holding my face as I watched Matt walked off. “Where’s Michael?” I cried.
“I don’t know...Shit! This is all we need now!” He crouched down in front of me, looked me in the eyes and said, “You can not say a word of this to Michael. Matt’s not gonna bother you again. Go upstairs, and I will find Michael, ok.”
I nodded, got up and ran upstairs into the bathroom. As I looked in the mirror, my face was red and swollen, my eyes were bloodshot. I tried to wash up in the sink. My breast hurt and when I looked I could see it already beginning to bruise. I finished up, changed and waited for Michael. Where is he? He’s been gone quite a while.
Fifteen minutes later, I heard a crash at the bedroom door and in stumbled Michael. He looked awful! He was pale and could barely stand. “Michael!”
“Help me to the bathroom!” I held him up best as I could and just as we got in he fell to the floor, crawled to the toilet, put his fingers down his throat and made himself vomit.
“Fuck!” Tommy stood in the doorway, “What happened to you?”
“I don’t know, I think I’m dying. Promise me you’ll take care of Allison?”
“You are not dying. Look at me!” Tommy commanded and pulled Michaels head up, follow my finger. He moved it side to side and up and down. He felt his forehead.
“What’s wrong with him?” I asked. “He was fine earlier with me.” Tommy ignored me.
“Where were you?” Tommy questioned.
“With Angie, she gave me a brownie, couldn’t have been five minutes ago.”
“You’ve been gone a lot longer than five minutes,” I said.
“Did it smell? Did it taste weird, c’mon man think.”
“No, I don’t think so. I don’t know.” He could barely keep his eyes open.
Tommy pulled him up to his feet. “Turn on the shower!” he yelled to me. “Cold water only.” Tommy lifted Michael and himself, fully dressed into the cold shower. “You owe me big time, man let me tell you! Big time!” He stuck Michaels face into the water, Michael wailed. “Now stick your fingers down your throat and make yourself throw up again!”
“No, I can’t anymore, stop,” Michael whined.
“You do it, or I will.”
I stood watching, not knowing what to do for Michael, and glad that Tommy was here to help. I know Michael trusted him. Once again, Michael made himself throw up. Tommy rinsed him off and stumbled to get him out and into the bed, still soaking wet.
“Help me get his wet clothes off.” Tommy said. We stripped him, covered him with blankets. Tommy looked at his eyes a few more times.
“Is he alright?” I was scared.
“I think he’s been roofied or slipped a bunch of sleeping pills.”
“What! Why? Why would Angie do that? I don’t understand?”
“I’d say it was so that Matt could have his time alone with you, outside.” For the first time Tommy looked at me genuinely and spoke with a tenderness in his voice. “He will be ok in the morning, let him sleep it off. Are you ok?”
“Yeah, thank you for standing up for me.”
“Remember, not a word.”
I nodded and then he left. I know I couldn’t have handled this situation alone. Tommy and Michael had a close relationship. Tommy seemed to know exactly what to do and stayed calm through it all.
Michael dosed in and out of consciousness all night long. Each time he’d awake and mumble a few words. I kept a cool washcloth on his forehead throughout the night. My mind raced with fears of what to do about Matt. How could I keep it from Michael? Would he really kill Matt? Why should I care? I want him dead! I put my arm around Michael and held him, till I eventually dozed off too.