I Shouldn't Want You

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I shut my eyes tight, trying to drown out the buzzing. I reached over to the bedside table and seize my phone. I slid my finger across the screen to answer.

“Hello?” I said, groggily into the receiver. The voice on the other end was chipper, so I knew it was Brogan.

Brogan talked so fast that it was difficult to understand.

“Brogan, slow down. I can’t understand a word you are saying,” I mumbled.

“I had the best night with Flynn. He just left. I gave him my number, and he says he wants to take me out next Friday.” She squealed in excitement, and I winced. My head pounded from all the alcohol I consumed the night before.

“Brogan, that’s so great. I’m happy for you.” I replied with my best attempt at cheerful. A muscular arm tightened around me, making me aware of another presence in the bed.

“Where are you? Can you come over for breakfast?” Brogan asked.

“Uh...sure. Give me a little while to get myself together.” My voice shook as I tried to fast forward through last night’s events.

“Annie, are you in bed with a guy? Take all the time you need, sweetheart,” she said cheekily and hung up.

I placed my phone back on the bedside table and groaned. My head throbbing, I closed my eyes to go back to sleep but then remembered that there was someone beside me. I peeked under the covers and realized I’m completely naked. My body felt funny overall, and I took that as an ominous sign.

Did I sleep with someone last night? Shit, what have I done?

I was scared to look over at the guy. Everything from last night seemed hazy. Slowly, I recalled a few things. I remembered making out with some guy last night—Finn, maybe? So he was beside me, right? I didn’t think I drank enough to black out, but remembering was much fuzzier than usual.

I heard a grunt beside me and shut my eyes again. I peeked one open and slowly turned my head to the perpetrator—or should I say—possible penetrator. I caught a glance of dark, wavy hair.

Crap. Definitely not Finn. He and his brother were blonde.

I twisted in the guy’s arms and studied him, attempting to piece it together.

“Fuck,” I said aloud, surprising myself at the sound of my own voice.

Danny opened his eyes, and his familiar piercing, blue gaze tore my heart to pieces. The same blue orbs that belonged to my best friend. I felt like Brutus, who just stabbed my best friend in the back by sleeping with her brother.

His face lit up. Then, he noticed my horrified expression, and the smile faded.

“Did we...” I asked, already knowing the answer from the soreness between my legs.

Danny lifted the covers and looked down at himself. His face spread with a smirk. “I think we did. And I’m ready for round two if you’re up for it.”

My eyes went wide, alarmed by the thought. Danny laughed at my horror.

“Danny, I’m not going to sleep with you,” I said, taken aback by the suggestion.

He tilted his head to rest on my shoulder. I shuddered at his touch, but I couldn’t tell if it’s a good or bad sensation since I won’t stop thinking about how I betrayed Brogan. My mind spiraled into a deep, dark hole of despair and depression.

His lips touched my ear as he whispered to me. “Looks like you already did, babe.” His hand trailed underneath the covers where my body was lying naked. I slapped his hand away and pulled the covers up to my chin.

“Last night was a mistake,” I said.

“Well, that’s one Etch-A-Sketch doodle that can’t be undid, home-skillet,” he said.

I stared at him incredulously. “Are you seriously quoting Juno to me right now?” Then my brain made a connection. “Ohmygod, didweevenuseacondom?” My words came out at once as I freaked out.

“Chill. I always wrap it up,” he said. This statement gave me a feeling of relief mixed with the uneasy feeling that he must wrap it up often for other girls. Danny was acting nonchalant while I spiraled into a whole mess.

“Get serious. This is a disaster. What am I going to tell Brogan?” I whisper-yelled at him, aware of how thin the walls in the house are.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Louisiana. It’s just sex. From what I can remember, it was good sex, too. And don’t tell Brogan anything if you don’t want to. She’ll probably be hella dramatic.”

I rolled my eyes at my nickname. My real name was Louise, but I told everyone that I hated my name when I moved here in third grade. Danny was studying the U.S. states at that time, so he nicknamed me Louisiana—Anna, for short.

“But, she already knows I was with someone last night. Should I tell her it was Finn?” I asked. Danny tilted his head in confusion. “Finn—the guy you beat the living daylights out of last night.”

His lips pouted, his jaw tightened, and his eyes burst into flames. “Tell her whatever the hell you want. Just get out of my bed.”

“Turn around,” I commanded.

“What for?” Danny asked, still angry.

“So I can put my clothes on, stupid,” I said. I was coming off as harsh, but I didn’t care.

He scoffed. “I’ve already seen you naked. Hurry up and get out.”

I waited a moment for him to turn around. He didn’t. I sat up, holding the sheet up to my chest, and located my clothes scattered around the room.

“Where’s my bra?” I spun and saw Danny with his arms folded behind his head, waiting for me to leave so he could go back to sleep.

“I didn’t take that one off of you. Go ask your hick-town hoe.”

I peered over at him. His eyes were closed, and he was trying to get back to sleep. I took the opportunity to leap off the bed and retrieved my shirt and shorts.

This behavior was so like Danny. He used to be my friend when we were growing up. I looked up to him. It might have had something to do with the fact that no other boys wanted to be my friend, though.

Our friendship changed drastically when he got to high school, and Brogan and I were in middle school. We became less cool to him, and he hung out with us less. Before then, I knew that he liked having me as a friend, but that change made me not so sure anymore. Being his friend was easy when we were kids, but my recently developed crush complicated it now.

When he graduated and started his first year in college, he joined a fraternity. He became even more distant from who he once was. Freshman and sophomore years, I didn’t see him around much, except for when he came home for academic breaks. It was his junior year, and he was supposed to be living in the fraternity house. He spent more time living at home for some reason that I couldn’t glean, as much as I wished my constant presence at the house was the reason.

“You know, Anna, you’re lucky that you slept with me last night. It could’ve been Finn, the disrespectful douchebag, but instead, you got me.” Danny punctuated the last word with a smirk.

“Oh, what a pleasure,” I said, sardonically. Another thought entered my brain, and I searched around the room frantically.

“Looking for something?” Danny teased, and I glanced at him as he swirled my panties around his finger.

“Give them back, Danny.” I reached to grab them, but he snatched them away. He was remarkably a jerk, more so than usual. I couldn’t read his expression to tell whether he was mad at me or if he was merely teasing me.

“Nah, I think I’ll keep these as a souvenir.”

I shook my head at him and stormed out of the room. I walked silently downstairs and out the door. Then, I opened the door and shut it again, making extra noise so Brogan would think I just arrived.

I was wearing the same clothes from last night. I hoped she won’t notice, but I was already under the ruse of having slept with some guy, so maybe that will be my saving grace.

Brogan flew down the stairs to hug me. I giggled as she about knocked me off my feet.

“I had the best time last night with Flynn.”

“Ooh, please tell me all about it,” I said with sarcasm. I genuinely didn’t want to hear about her romping around. Still, I also wanted to avoid being asked questions about my own night.

I let her talk, though I am tuning the majority of it out. I was fretting that she could read my guilt on my face. I lost myself in the possibilities of what she would say when she found out who I slept with.

Only when she asked me a question was, I brought back to reality.

“So, who did you go home with last night? Finn?” She raised her eyebrow and winked. I shook my head fervently.

“No, we were making out, but he was getting too handsy. That’s when Danny stepped in, and we know how that shit-show ended.” Oh, boy. If only she knew how it actually ended.

“Aw, that’s a shame. We need to get rid of your virginity some time.” She giggled, and I chuckled to humor her, realizing the weight of her words.

“What do you want to do today?” I asked, changing the subject from my virginity.

“Let’s binge the new season of This Is Us,” Brogan suggested.

“Breakfast first,” I said, my stomach grumbling.

“You make the pancakes, I’ll bring the tissues,” Brogan said. Brogan spun around, and I followed her into the kitchen.

I opened the cabinets and searched for the pancake mix.

“Pancakes, eggs, and bacon, please,” Brogan requested.

With the pancake mix, I also retrieved a bag of chocolate chips. Brogan positioned the egg carton and bacon on the counter.

I cooked the bacon in the skillet while Brogan mixed the instant pancake batter with milk in a sparkly pink mixing bowl. When the bacon was done, Brogan drained the pan of almost all grease. She cracked the eggs in the pan with the bacon grease, and I scrambled the eggs and divided them and the bacon between two plates. The pancakes were in the pan when I heard a door close upstairs. Footsteps came down the steps and pattered into the kitchen.

“Morning, bubba,” Brogan greeted Danny as he perched on the barstool that’s been relocated to the counter after the party.

“Morning, ladies. Where’s my plate?” he asked arrogantly.

“Get your fat butt up and go get it yourself,” I said. He stuck his tongue out at me in response, and I ignored his childish antics. Brogan’s phone rang, and she squealed at the caller I.D.

“It’s Jane. I’m gonna take this to the other room. I have to tell her about last night with Flynn!”

Danny audibly groaned, detesting the fact that his friend bedded his sister. She scampered off into the living room. Danny got up and reached into the cabinet for a plate. Then, he stood behind me, pressing his bare chest against my scantily-clad body. He went over me to shovel half of Brogan’s bacon and eggs on his plate.

“You smell amazing.” His breath caressed my neck. “Or maybe it’s the food,” he said with a snicker. I sighed in exasperation.

“This is why you should spend the night more often. You can have your next sleepover in my bed.” He whispered the last bit in my ear, his lips brushing against my skin and giving me chills. “Nice butt, by the way. Don’t think I didn’t see it when you thought I was going back to sleep.”

I huffed, and he returned to the barstool with his filled plate. I put the pancakes on Brogan’s and my dishes and shoved the rest onto Danny’s plate.

“Grab the peanut butter for me, babe?” I cringed at the pet name, although I secretly would love it if Brogan wasn’t in the conjoining room—and if it wasn’t meaningless teasing.

I grasped the jar from the cabinet. “You want this?” I asked. He nodded, and I smiled slyly. I hurled it at his head so fast, he barely ducked in time. It rolled into the living room, and he gazed at me in sheer disbelief. “Go fetch the peanut butter, you dog.”

He chuckled at me, leaving the room to retrieve the jar.

“Don’t spit in my eggs while I’m gone,” he called behind him.

I laughed because he read my mind. Brogan bounded back into the kitchen all giggly. Danny returned and opened the jar of peanut butter, spreading it all over his pancakes. Brogan and Danny scarfed down their food.

“Did you two have fun at the party last night?” Danny asked, and Brogan exchanged a giggly glance with me. “It’ll be the last one for a while since the Spring semester starts up this week.”

“Well, I met a guy, and Anna met a guy. And she almost lost her virginity to him,” Brogan shared.

Danny coughed and spit his orange juice across the kitchen, spraying all over the linoleum flooring. He hacked uncontrollably.

“Got a hairball, fella? Need me to slap you on the back, big guy?” I asked, anxious to hit him.

He shook his head and finally calmed down. His gaze bore into me, making me feel naked and vulnerable in front of him all over again.

“Anna, you’re a virgin?” He laughed, and my heart broke.

I couldn’t believe he has been such a jerk today. First, when we woke up and now at the breakfast table in front of Brogan. I scowled at him, and he stopped laughing when he noticed the slightest tear in my eye. Danny’s smirk dropped with a shameful expression. Brogan wasn’t paying attention to the exchange but was texting someone on her phone instead.

Danny cleared his throat and changed the subject, telling me stories about his friends who were at the party last night.

After breakfast, Brogan and I put on a season of This is Us while picking up trash and plastic cups in the living room. Danny wiped down the kitchen and washed the dishes from breakfast.

“So, Louisiana, where did you end up spending the night?” Danny asked with the same look he’s been giving me all morning.

“At home. After we talked last night, I walked the three blocks home.” I mentally made a note to ask my brother to cover my story that I stayed at home last night.

“Oh. Well, I guess that sucks for that Finn guy.”

“He’ll get over it.” I shrugged.

The doorbell rang, and Brogan floated off to go answer it, oblivious to the conversation.

“Did you find your bra yet?” Danny asked in a suggestive tone.

“No, why? Did you?”

“Meet me in my room and find out.” He winked and disappeared upstairs.

Brogan strode back in with a vast grin splayed across her face.

“Guess who’s outside.” She squealed.

“Flynn?” I asked. She nodded excitedly and clapped her hands. “Who was here mere hours ago?”

“He came back to grab his wallet, but now he’s going to walk me to the park for lunch. Are you gonna be cool here?” I forced a smile, and she hugged me. She took her jacket and scampered out the door. I could already tell that she will be totally wrapped up in this new guy for a while.

I guessed now was the best time, if ever, to confront Danny and get back my lacy intimates.

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