Waiting in Darkness

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Two | Syn

Forcing my strides to quicken, I stalked away from my mate, swiping away a tear that had escaped.

You're just a filthy whore. Who would ever want to be mated to a whore? You're disgusting.

The thoughts filtered through my head, swarming around me no matter how much I batted at them and tried to shove them away. Memories piled up and played out before my eyes, shivers of disgust running up my skin where phantom fingers touched me.

I shoved open the front door, stepping out into the bright morning, not even bothering to close the door, knowing Terrin would no doubt be leaving the house as soon as I left. I no longer lived in the huge castle the rest of my pack resided in. I had hoped that by moving to this bustling hubbub of a city I might not feel as lonely. Even with the staff that Cleo employed in the castle and the guards always on duty and of course the members of my pack, the huge castle always made me feel so alone. There was a gaping emptiness within me.

I tried to run away from it, deciding the city just outside of the castle was sure to do the trick. There was always noise no matter the time of day—or night for that matter. I had hoped that I could find some comfort by being around thousands of people, regardless of the fact if they were strangers or not. I moved into a tiny townhouse, squished together with hundreds of others that lined both sides of the narrow street.

It hadn't mattered though, that hollow emptiness followed me everywhere. No matter where I went, no matter who I was with, the stinging loneliness created a void within me.

The only time it lessened was when I was around Terrin.

It had never disappeared, not even when I was in the company of my mate, but every time we parted, that void only seemed to widen. I feared that before long, that gaping hole would stretch to its ends and there would be nothing left but dark loneliness. I was scared with each passing day.

Cleo had begged me to return, she could see better than the rest of my pack that I was changing and not for the better. She saw past my fake smiles and light jokes. She could see because she had gone through the same thing. In these last two years that she spent waiting to see if her mate would return, she was in the same boat as I.

Never ending loneliness that no one but our mates could fix.

The rest of my pack, those that I had called family for so long were too focused on their own lives now. Too busy and preoccupied to see that I was falling deeper and deeper into a pit I feared I would stop trying to claw my way out of. I did not resent them for it. Frayah and Sani had their hands full with their pups and Innoko and Roshan had their own problems regarding pregnancy and a future with kids of their own, now that the main threat had passed. Sitka was up to his neck in work, trying to shoulder the burden of alpha in Hakota's absence. Cleo and the beta worked well together, now that they were civil towards each other. As for the twins, well, they had always been in their own world, their past horrors connecting them in a way that no other bond could compare, save for perhaps a mating bond.

All I had these last two years was Cleo, but even now I had lost that. Hakota had come back and was focusing all his attention on his mating bond with Cleo. He was no longer the alpha that I knew, he had become a better male, not so consumed with revenge and the continuation of our race.

Everyone had enough problems of their own, so I kept my mouth shut and decided to figure it out on my own. They didn't need to step in and help me with Terrin, and I felt ashamed to ask. A lycan's mate was everything to them, what would they think of me if I couldn't even take care of the one thing that meant the most to me? They would lose trust in me, begin to doubt my strength and pity me, perhaps even find me pathetic and disown me from the pack.

Terrin was my problem to deal with and if I couldn't do this on my own, then I deserved to lose my mate anyway.

I stumbled my way down the crowded streets, my shoulders brushing against countless others as I pushed and plowed my way through the packed streets, walking a route I had long since memorized and become familiar with. When I finally reached the green door and the wooden plaque hanging precariously on one side by one rusty chain, the other broken long before I had even stumbled upon the establishment, the roaring in my head and the emptiness in my heart threatened to drown me. I pushed open the door and plopped myself down at the bar, holding up my finger to the barkeep.

The werewolf eyed me, before sighing and making up my usual drink. I watched as he poured my drink, mixing the tonic that was strong enough to get me drunk.

I noticed he was skimping out on the amount of hard liquor, using a bottle with a lower alcohol content than my usual. I growled out at him and he sighed again, before pushing the drink my way. He crossed his arms and leaned across the bar. "Isn't it a little early to be getting drunk? The day has barely started, what could that troublesome mate of your have done since the sun rose..." he checked the clock, "two hours ago?"

I glared at the glass in front of me, "it was a bad morning," I replied brusquely.

"I can tell," he responded dryly as I downed my glass and pushed it back over to him for a refill.

He grabbed the glass, lifting the bottle from earlier still in his hand to pour me another but I stopped him by snapping, "don't even think about giving me more of that weak stuff."

He slowly set the bottle down before giving me a look with pursed lips. I returned it with a glower. The werewolf grimace and retrieved the other bottle and poured me a glass, filling it to the brim. "Must have been a really bad morning, huh?"

I grumbled in answer as I brought it to my lips. "I don't know how you can still be surprised, Landon." I said over the rim of my glass before downing it like water.

The barkeep shrugged, "This is early, even for you, Syn. You sure you don't want a sandwich or something instead?" I growled again and Landon put his hands up, "just thought I'd offer." There was a moment of silence between us. "So, what was it this time?"

"Are you ever going to fix that stupid sign?" I asked a question of my own, hoping he'd get the hint that I didn't want to talk about it.

Landon shrugged, "I think it gives this place character, makes it stand out in the sea of stores and shops."

"It makes this seem like a rundown dump," I muttered.

"Hey now," the werewolf said with an offended tone and look to match. "No one's forcing you to be here. If you don't want to talk about that problematic mate of yours, then fine, but there's no need to insult my pride and joy."

I rolled my eyes.

"This is getting out of control, Syn. You need to talk to someone about this. You've been a regular and I appreciate your business, but for Lune's sake, you come here almost every day now. I feel obligated to make you a VIP and give you a permanent discount."

"Sounds good to me," I mumbled into the bottom of my glass, staring at the dark liquid in the cup squeezed between my hands. "Besides, I am talking to someone about it."

"I don't count," Landon replied flatly, "bartenders don't count as therapists or close friends."

"You're the closest thing to a friend or therapist I've got."

"Then maybe I should start charging you for our little talk sessions every day."

I shrugged.

"By the love of Lune, Syn, I'm worried about you. I have half a mind to go to that castle and speak to your alphas about neglecting their pack members."

"Don't." I said with enough bite that Landon bit his lip to refrain from saying anything else that would piss me off further.

"What did this mate of yours do anyway?" He questioned, steering the topic off of Cleo and Hakota. "I thought he avoided you like the plague. How did you find him so early in the morning?"

I stared at the countertop. Landon, was right. Terrin did avoid me like the plague and it usually took me the whole day to track him down and find him. For the last two years I had let Terrin have his freedom. There was too much to worry about with Hakota's absence that I had put my efforts in courting Terrin on hold to help my pack adjust into our new rise to power and peace. In the last couple of months, when things had finally gotten stable, I had resumed my hunt for my mate. The numerous affairs and relationships he made no effort to hide from me, but rather flaunt them, hurt me deeply. Two nights ago I had caught him with yet another female he was intending to spend a sleepless night with. It was the fifth one that week, and they had all been different females. I wasn't sure if I got more upset by his number of conquests or when he seemed to cling onto one for longer than usual. Either way it had pissed me off so I had snatch him up right then and there, slinging him over my shoulder and took him home with me. He cussed me out the whole way there, but I had been so angry at him and was fed up with his whining, that I had slapped the rear end over my shoulder, surprising him enough by the action that I had succeeded in shutting him up for the rest of the trek to my little townhouse.

There he had stayed, where I had tied him to the chair, knowing that he would run away the moment I turned my back. I made us dinner, allowing his hands to stayed untied under the promise that if he tried anything, I would bind them like the rest of the body and feed him myself. The threat had been enough to make him behave, at least until he refused to eat his vegetables.

Which lead to things turning out the way they were now.

I finished off the glass and looked up at Landon, who was staring back at me with an expression of concern and curiosity. "I think I'll take that sandwich now," I said and began to sum up the last two days.


I know it's been like a hundred years since I've updated, but here you go. The very first chapter of Syn's perspective.

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