Chapter 12-Blessings and Mistakes
Song: Beautiful Lie-30 Seconds to Mars
Dream the sweetest dreams.
Swing from star to star.
When you wake I will be here,
To hold you in arms.
Darling don’t you cry.
Tears will soon be gone.
In the night I will be here to hold you in arms.
All is well, all is right.
I’ll hold you in my arms.
Hold you in my arms.
Hold you in my arms, When you wake I will be here to hold you in my arms.
(This song is Hold you in my arms from the show Nashville and I sang it to my Michael when he was baby.
I sing to my sweet and adorable Michael Steven. He’s got the brightest blue eyes, the puffiest lips, and cheeks. Michael is my world now and when things get bad or the nightmares become unbearable he’s the one I want to hold. Michael is now three weeks old and a bundle of joy, I’m so glad I got him away from his father. Zeek would have destroyed him and turned him into a replica of himself.
I lay him down in his bed when I hear the doorbell ring. I go to answer the door expecting my Mom instead Zeek is standing there with a dozen roses and a smile that used get me to do anything. Now all I see is the pain he caused me. I try to shut the door but he puts his foot in front blocking it.
“Now, sweetheart, is that any way to welcome your Fiancé?” His voice remains calm but it so eerie and that what frightens me the most.
“You’re not my fiancé and you aren’t supposed to be here.” I had to have the restraining Order reinstated because he can’t seem to follow the judge’s orders. “You need to leave, I’m calling the police.” I didn’t have time to react before I’m pushed up against the wall with his hand around my throat?” A cruel and anticipatory smile played on his lips. My heart rate spikes and my heart is pounding so hard I’m sure the neighbors could hear it. Zeek’s other trails his finger down my face and the touch of his skin on mine makes me freeze up.
“You may not be my wife now but you will be Love, you will always be mine.” He works his eyes down my body and scowl appears on his face when he sees my royal blue lace A-line dress and knee-length black boots. “Were you going out and leaving my son alone?”
“No Asshole, I’m going to work, something you wouldn’t know anything about.” I snap back. Since I don’t want him anywhere near my Son, I don’t ask him or his parents for anything, so it’s up to me to provide for him.” His grip on my throat tightens and black spots appear in my vision. Is this it? Is he finally going to kill me? His whiskey coated breath is hot and burns my ear when he utters the most degrading words to ever come out of his mouth,
“So you think selling yourself makes you better than me?” Only a guy like Zeek would think that.
“I’m not a hooker, moron.” Calling him names will only further his anger but being called a hooker just rubs me the wrong way.
“I should kill you and be rid of you.” Zeek wasn’t joking, he never joked around. I begin shaking uncontrollably and tears ran down my cheeks when my thoughts turned to Michael. He would be better off without me; he needs a strong mother who can protect him. How can I keep him safe when I can’t even fight for myself?
“Then do it!” I hiss and gasp when I feel myself starting to slip to the unknown. There I would be free of the pain and the sadness. Just as I started to give in I felt his knee slam in to my stomach, and the pressure taken off my throat. Air struggled to break free and I toppled to the ground and curled into a ball with what strength I had. Why can’t I fight back, why can’t I free myself from his torment? Is this penance for letting Damien go? “Zeek...please...stop!”
I couldn’t see his eyes, I didn’t need to though. The terrifying image is seared into my mind; they are the same ones I see in my nightmares; Cold and calculating.
“I don’t think I want to stop Baby, this is fun.” Venom dripped from his tone.
“What do you want from me?” His smile widened and he laughed.
“Oh, baby I’m pretty sure you know what I want.” He took my wrist in and yanked it up, pinning it above my head. Then he flipped me over on my back and proceeded to do the same with my other hand. I closed my eyes and waited for him to just get it over with; I just prayed it would be quick.
Zeek was never one use physical contact to get what he wants, he used words instead. However, the day I left him at the altar angered him. He was humiliated and his family was embarrassed but he lost the one thing he wanted. Control over me, all he had to do was smile and talk sweet to me and I was putty in his hands.
Now that I had time to think over my relationship with him, I never loved him but he was there to fill that emptiness in my heart. At first, he seemed to be okay with me not being over Damien and agreed to go slow, I was grateful. Then after two month, he started getting agitated because I still wasn’t ready to give him everything. I just accepted and justified his behavior; I blamed myself and wished I could just let Damien go. It should have been so simple. Three months into the relationship the manipulation started and that’s when I gave in. I put everything I could into making it work with Zeek, I put my heart on a time out so to speak and tried to open up to him, but nothing was there. I was missing that spark the ignited fireworks and I knew I was never going to get it with Zeek. He wasn’t my soulmate and I was just settling because he was there and offered me comfort. I was going to break up with him and I’m sure he knew it, so that night he came over to my dorm and had talked me into staying with him. That was also the night I conceived Michael.
I do my best to let my good memories become my safe haven when a heavy feeling came over me as he laid his body on top of mine.
“Please don’t do this. Michael is asleep if you even have an ounce of love for your sons please don’t do this.” I begged and giving up all pretense of trying to be brave. He knew I was coward; I had been all my life. I only pretended because Dan and Damien wouldn’t let anything or anyone hurt me. Why did I have to be so stupid and let my fear guide me? Oh, yeah, I’m a freaking wimp.
Zeek advanced towards me and I swallowed down the giant lump of bravery. “You know I only love you. Michael was just a mistake and I’m going to remedy that as soon as I make you pay for leaving me.” What is he going to do to Michael? Is he going to kill him too?”
“What are you going to do to him, Zeek? I will do whatever you want just please don’t harm my baby.” I eat what little bit of pride I have left. His eyes widen and a cruel grin twists his lips.
“Anything?” I nod as hot tears stain my cheeks. Zeek is going to draw this out and there is a possibility I will not survive the night, yet I have to do whatever I can to save my innocent little boy. “Then go in your room, take off your dress and lay on the bed.” No, I can’t let him do this to me but I nod my head again and force myself to stand up. I walk towards my room while a plan formulates in my mind.
I live in a one-bedroom apartment on the bottom floor and I have a spacious window in my room. I could lock my door and get Michael then sneak out the window. It’s not a very plausible plan but it’s better than just sitting here. I stop and tilt my head trying to get a glimpse of Zeek. He’s in my living room shrugging off his jacket and looking at the pictures of Michael. He’s not focused on me so I can make my escape, I walk stealthily into my bedroom while holding my breath. Any wrong move and he would be on me.
Once I make it to my room I quietly shut the door and lock it. I push my nightstand against the door for added leverage. Then glance around the room that I have grown to love; sorrow feels my heart because I will have to leave again. I moved in here because he was harassing my parents and me, so I found this cute little one bedroom. I’ve only lived here three weeks so I’m hoping I won’t be stuck it with a huge cost for breaking my contract. The crappiest thing about it all is that I moved to a whole new city to avoid Zeek.
Michael starts to fuss which tells me he is waking up; I run over and pick him up. I’m cooing him as Zeek starts banging on my door. “Open up Emily! I’m done with the cat and mouse game.” I don’t reply as I grab my phone and the diaper bag. With one arm holding onto Michael I slide the window open, and just as I’m about to get my other leg out Zeek starts breaking the door down. He’s yelling and cursing and I don’t stick around to wait for him. I jump the rest of the way out of the window and thank God Michael didn’t cry at all. I turn the corner when I see Zeek hot on my tail, so I run as fast as I can to my car. My car has a key fob so I unlock it and start it from where I am.
I breathe a sigh of relieve when I see my white Chevy Equinox sitting so pretty and calling my name. I run and open the door, then jump in. I go to close the door but a hand stops it. He starts pulling me out and I’m more worried about Michael getting hurt, so I drive forward and slam my car door. It slams on his hand and he howls out. As I drive off shivers run down my spine because I swear he said
“I will find you, Emily.”