“WHEREVER YOU GO, GO WITH ALL YOUR HEART.” -- CONFUCIUS
I hope you know how much I hate you.
You probably don’t expect to ever get a letter like this, and I don’t expect you to recieve it, but anything can happen. I’ve learned that way too many times for my own good.
You’re probably thinking why I started this by such a harsh greeting. We were in fact once caught making out in the janitor’s closet, but that was in the past. It’s the now, and now, I’ll try to explain.
Ever since junior high, you’ve been the root of all of my problems, my stress, my worries. I missed out on a good part of high school because of the time I spent wanting you, and when I finally managed to change the way you saw me, not just as a childhood best friend but to something more, I felt compelled to impress you in every single way. And that changed me without even realizing it. While finding you, I lost me.
You weren’t the bad guy here; you were just the ignorant one.
Lemme just state that you were the only boyfriend I’d ever had, but you were one of the worst mistakes out of many.
But this isn’t a revenge letter. More so, it’s an explanation, or even, a ‘thank you’ letter.
If it wasn’t for you setting your sights on the almighty Patricia Willis with the enhanced body parts, we wouldn’t have broken up after three bittersweet (more bitter than sweet) years. If it weren’t for me seeing you two, more than together that night, I wouldn’t have broken it off.
If we hadn’t broken up, I would never had stayed up all night during that stupid overnight trip obsessing over you like the lame, hormonal girl I was.
And if we hadn’t broken up, I would’ve woken up at the right time and not miss the bus back to California, that wouldn’t have left me stranded on the other side of the country with nothing. Literally, nothing. Not even my toothbrush, which actually turned out quite well in the end but that’s in another story - if I ever get back home.
But like I said, I’m not blaming you for anything -- at least not a lot.
Because if it wasn’t for you being the root of all my problems, I would never have stumbled on the sobbing mess that was Elliot James, coincidentally the same long-lost crush from my elementary days - yes, the one who stole my first kiss, and the first boy I had the guts to punch in the first grade (and after this letter, you’ll probably be the second.) In the wake of all the chaos, I found him. I don’t know yet if I’m glad I met him. He reminds way too much of you, because you two are the complete utter opposites.
Sequentially, I would never have had to travel (in many different forms, I might add) across the country trying to get back home with the boy, back to you. Can you believe it? I still had the inkling of a hope that you might’ve been waiting for me, worried beyond belief because no one knew where I was or if I was even alive (well, except one person.)
I didn’t think so.
I admit, while trekking across the United States, there were times when I wondered why this had to happen to me, above all the other unlucky souls. Why I just had to be the one student left behind, why we had to have such a forgetful and crappy chaperone who obviously saw nothing wrong with leaving behind one of their students a plane ride away from home. Why out of all the suitcases, mine had to be the one to mysteriously vanish. Why out of all the cars in the universe, ours had to be the one stolen in the middle of the night. Why we had to crash in a gas station and walk five miles in Tennessee, or almost get arrested (the first time) in Arkansas, or why I almost got mugged in Oklahoma. Why we had to have the absolute worse luck in the world. And why, out of all people, I had to fall for the boy who I knew I could never have.
Need I go on? I should, the story’s pretty awesome, I admit (until we landed ourselves here.)
While I’m writing this in a jail cell (I already used up my one allowed phone call), Elliot is telling me to hurry. We don’t have much time left.
But I guess that’s where our story starts, and like every other, it always started with you.
P.S. Tell my mom I’m sorry. For everything.