Chapter ten part1
We all agreed that the best possible choice was to leave before any more of my assailants decided to come and finish the job. But I couldn’t help but think if they wanted me alive with what he said yesterday night, they might not have wanted to kill me. However if not what did they want me for?
“Ready?” Elijah appeared in front of me, his eyes trailing down my body assuring I had everything on properly. They insisted on wearing some protective gear; bulletproof vest, with a sturdy strap which held a gun, the cold metal felt like pricks digging into my skin all of this was underneath one massively bulky shirts obviously not wanted to draw attention to ourselves, we were all required to wear baseball cap so our face would be less likely to be caught on surveillance camera, the only normal thing on me were this blue washed out jeans. “Have everything on, your gun?”
Only once I nodded. “It’s not like I know how to shoot a gun.”
He grinned, watching me with an amused expression, it’s hard to believe that only two days earlier he lost two of his friends, but I’m guessing that it was expected, they knew that they could leave this earth at anytime so they had to be prepared. Yet, it was a bit unsettling how quickly they got over it. “In fact, I don’t think you’ll even need to. It’s highly unlikely that they’ll be a shoot out in broad daylight. It garners too much attention, whoever these people are I don’t think they want the military on their backs.”
“And if they were working with the military, what then?” I soon discovered that the Nations were an independent facility, they had no ties with the government or the military, they operate within the shadows and only a trusted few knew about their organization.
His lips twitched into a frown, the corner of his mouth still held a healing cut. Despite the short time he seemed a lot better know, he had less trouble movement and I couldn’t help but be curious of what Zee was going him in that tonic of hers. Whatever it was it’s close to impossible to help someone so quickly that was severely injured, right? “That’s a possibility,” He paused trying to read the expression on my face, I didn’t want him to see the fear that I felt so my eyes wandered downwards away from his impenetrable stare. “Don’t worry Alexis, stick by me. I’ll protect you. ” I admired what he was trying to do, he was trying to put my mind at ease even though both of us knew he’d have problematic time trying to defend both of us in the line of action, his current state obviously would make that hard. Nevertheless that whirlpool of nerves died down. I looked up, he smiled. I smiled back.
Honestly it was a surprise he didn’t loathe me. After how I played him along like a piece of string and dropped him in front of people, I would have thought nothing less.
“It’s okay. You know with what happened yesterday, no hard feelings, yeah.” I could feel my face falling, noticing it he shook his head quickly before smiling. “Hey, no sad face. You’re the one that rejected me, do you see me upset?” He was trying to be reassuring and kind but it only made me feel worst.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about Reign. I can’t come in between you and Isaiah. I can’t choose who you want. Only you can.” Brushing my cheek slightly, he did a double take making sure I had everything completely there and he walked away heading to Zee for final checks.
Stupidly I was standing in the middle of the room, everyone seemed so busy and caught up in what they were doing; Zee and Elijah stood at the far side of the sitting area trying to asses the best route the follow, apparently we needed to ditch the Range Rover in case they traced or tagged it and since Adrian was coming along with us he gave us his black Mercedes considering he had an array of those collected, Isaiah stood at the far corner trying to make contact with HQ since a majority of their devices were blown up it was apparent that connecting with HQ as a normal civilian was mission impossible but every so often he’d glance over locking eyes with me as if questioning himself whether he should approach me and talk then he shook his head with a scowl deciding against it.
And it hurt. It really hurt that he wasn’t willing to speak to me but I guess that’s what I deserved considering my previous behaviour. But it wasn’t like we were together, right? That quiet voice in the back if my head did it’s best job to assure me that I was making sub-par excuses that he so readily exposed how he felt about me and the first chance I had I was kissing someone else other than him. That gut eating feeling in my stomach was churning and that’s when I realized the extent of how much I hurt him. Of how much I betrayed him.
Time to grow up and do the brave thing. The right thing. Each step I took approaching him was a big, repetitive reminder of how I treated how and was so careless about his feelings because I was still trying to make sense of my own. “Isaiah?” He didn’t even look up at me, he was just slamming numbers in the burner phone and slightly nodded prompting me to carry on. “Please can you just look at me.”
The urgency and pain in my voice must have struck something with him, because he ceased what he was doing tossing the phone aside the loud clang made me jump and it was tough now looking into his blazing eyes. I caught his attention but he didn’t speak only crossing his arm, making his muscles bulge through his plain white shirt, he didn’t think it was necessary for him to even wear a bulletproof vest but I was certain he had his gun, it wasn’t visible right now but I knew it was there. Flashing back to how effortlessly he held and fired the gun and his fury unleashed last night and I couldn’t help but shudder, that was the same Isaiah I knew and the thought of what he could turn into was alarming. “I know you don’t want to hear me apologise, so I won’t.” He stared down at me looking like he was prepared to leave. “But Isaiah, please understand that it meant nothing. You’re- you’re the one that I care for. You need to believe that.”
We fell into a intense staring match, the look in his eyes was so asphyxiating that it was a struggle breathing, he drew closer until we were face to face and his mint filled breath fanned over me. His tall stature looming over. “Alexis. I don’t think that this can happen between us. I don’t think you know how much this- you distract me. I need to focus on my mission and that doesn’t involve whatever this is going on between us-”
Before he could even complete his sentence, I found my lips crashing down onto his. Knowing I took him by surprise he was momentarily shocked but did well in hiding it. Recovering quickly, he kissed me back, roughly fishing his hands through my kinky hair. I could feel his tongue begging for entrance, so I gave him what he needed opening my mouth to let a gulp of air in but was also rewarded with his tongue exploring my inside. His kisses were tame yet wild and everything was perfection. Those sparks that I should have felt with Elijah, thankfully I was feeling now and it knocked me off my feet.
I didn’t want to pull away. I didn’t want to let go because with the way he was kissing me it was clear that he’s been aching to do so for a while and now I gave him what he wanted he didn’t know what to do, so he did everything.
I must have not realised how caught up I was until I made hard contact with the chair behind me, the momentum made me lose my footing but before I could fall he caught me by my forearm holding me up. It was just now that I knew we broke the kiss and it left me wanting more. He was panting. Hard. His eyes stormy and hooded from what I could tell, desire. His lips swollen and tinted pink. “You don’t know what you do to me,” Cupping my cheeks forcing me to look at him. “I believe you, I do. But I still can’t jeopardise this mission Alexis.”
His hands fell to his sides and his warmth left me.
“We need to go.” Still he focused his eyes on my but spoke louder for the others. By now I could tell they were all staring clearly stunned and I can’t say I blamed them. Even I was astonished at my own actions, I was the one that initiated to kiss, I was the one the granted him more access. Yet I was the one that was left standing cold and alone.
Did he just reject me? Did he just deny my feelings for him? Or did he just not believe me? But that kiss was all too real to fake. His lips twitched like he was going to smile but it didn’t quite reach to that. He seemed conflicted, like he was having an inner war with himself. “Alexis I-” He stopped and left me dying to know what he said, I was counting on him to continue but he didn’t, like he couldn’t properly find his words.
Shaking his head, he brushed past me giving me from what I saw was an apologetic smile. Did he not trust me enough to share what he was thinking? “So that’s it?” I turned round, knowing full well I was talking to his back, he suspended his walking but still didn’t turn to face me. “I kiss you, I put myself out there and you know full well that all of this is new to me. You, this mission, everything. I open up to you, tell you what I’m thinking, tell you what I’m feeling. And you give me that?”
My eyes travelled to his hands, he took turns clenching and unclenching his fists, as if there was something he was dying to tell me but couldn’t because there was something preventing him from speaking his true mind. “Alexis. If I get too caught up in this right now, I risk putting you in danger. You saw how I acted last night, how out of control I was. If I-” He breathed out struggling to complete his sentence, he didn’t need to it was like I could hear exactly what he was thinking. It dawned on me that he thought if he lost control around me or if I stupidly got in the way he could hurt me. As in really hurt me.
“You would never lose control around me Isaiah. You would never hurt me.” And I never had a doubt in my mind.
This time he took the courtesy of turning around, in doing so I caught glimpses of everyone else’s reactions, none of them looked amused or happy on the current situation. But there was something else that I couldn’t pinpoint. Where they hiding something from me about Isaiah? If so was it so bad that he couldn’t just tell him himself. A momentarily lapse of time kept me from focusing fully on the current position, my mind flashed back to when I first meet him, completely opposite to the man in front of me now, before he was more carefree, relaxed now it was all serious and tensed. I wanted old Isaiah back.
“How do you know that Alexis? How do you know that one day when my anger gets the best of me and you happen to be around, no, no I would never purposely hurt you but you saw what happened last night. You were the one that stopped me from ripping him to shreds. If it was up to me, his body wouldn’t even be identifiable.”
He was serious. Deadly serious, how he looked at me dead-set in the eyes, unflinching only confirmed that. ” You don’t mean actually mean that Isaiah-”
“That’s the thing I do Alexis. I don’t want you around me in that state. Just for now, only now we can’t pursue whatever this is.”
I took a step closer. “No promises.”
Rolling his eyes, he sighed. “Stubborn as always.” He cut the conversation short. Opening the door before pausing. “I’ll be waiting outside.” He slammed the door shut.
I couldn’t tell how to feel or even what I was feeling but none of it was good. Can you go from high to a low so quickly? Or was I just an unlucky individual?
Zee rushed up to me, watching me cautiously seeing if I was close to crying or breaking down. But how can I give him the satisfaction, even if he wasn’t here it’d still be like he’d won. But it hurt. A lot. Being so emotionally exposed in front of people you know for someone you care so much for and getting nothing in return but a brick wall.
“I’m fine.” My voice still hoarse it was as in I just realised now that my vocal cords were still healing but I wanted him to hear me so much that I strained the strength in them I had left. “I’m fine. These things happen all the time to different people right? I’ve just became part of the statistics that’s all.” It was increasingly common now to not fully express what you’re going through or feeling but I never thought that would happen between us two. Our time together had been short but I trusted him more than I’ve ever trusted anyone. If someone told me right now to jump off a cliff that he’d be there to catch me, wholeheartedly I would do it without baited breath.
“But I’m taking it you don’t want to be.” Obviously not. “These things take time, it can’t be rushed.” Maybe we did jump to quickly into things, did I really know anything about him. His life? “A slow burning relationship is always better than a quick fire.” Despite my lack of knowledge in that area, I knew exactly what she meant. But it didn’t matter which one we were, I knew I just needed him. Before I thought I didn’t, that I’d survive on my own, that he was nothing mere than the annoying guy I couldn’t seem to get rid of. But he saved me life a number of times that I could barely keep count. And now I knew that I needed him, well, I needed him more than he needed me. And that reality stung. Bad.
“Is he hiding something from me?” I slightly pulled away from her touch, agitated that she was probably concealing something from me and we were supposed to be friends. “Do you all know something that I don’t?”
None of them made eye contact, they all made it their duty to be instantly interested with anything apart from me.
A minute passed. No one uttered a word, I was determined not to even take another step before I knew at least something.
“Alexis, it’s not really in our place to say. He needs to tell you himself.” Surprisingly Zee was to first one to speak up, giving her opinion. And it was overly loud and clear that no one was willingly to say anything.
“All I know is, that I would have never treated you like that.” Elijah boring his eyes that caught the sunlight spilling in from the curtains, turning them a mixture of gold and emerald, into mine he made his way towards the double door, made his way out banging it shut.
The sound entirely made me jerk up. Despite having people enclosing me, I still felt completely alone.