Will I be Forever Alone?

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Chapter four

I winced once I’ve been able to pry my eyes open. My eyes traveled around the room and I noticed that I was in an old antique bedroom with basically everything being antique, real precious old things which could be used in a memorial museum for display, and the wooden floor was like a final touch for this room. I almost felt like I was in a museum, the smell of old things, the feeling of a new discovery and with that, I realized that I wasn’t somewhere familiar. New place. New town. New people. The stranger...

I jolted up and swung my legs sideways to get up but I fell down as soon as I stood up. Ugh, my legs. The boom that echoed around the square definitely did not go unnoticed by the people residing in the house because I could hear people rushing my way. Fast approaching footsteps.

The door burst opened and I looked away, my loose hair creating a curtain between them and me, covering the right side of my face. I wanted to get up but I just couldn’t bring myself to stand up. Before, maybe it was because my legs were weak but now, I just did not have that strength to get up and face them. I was afraid of interacting with new people because I was so scared of being judged again.

And, I just don’t have that will power to raise up my head, walk straight ahead and just avoid their crude judgements on the way. I felt the need to stop and glanced sideways towards them and freeze up due to their remarks. I fisted up my hands, trying to forget those feelings. Maybe these people won’t be like them, like my father and like Alicia. However, I spoke too soon.

“Who is she?“, I heard a guy questioning curiously.

"“Who does she think she is? Doesn’t she know that Ryder does not meet the girls that he had a one night stand with in the morning? They should know that they just need to get the hell out of his bedroom and his house as soon as the sun is up. She might also be just one of those girls who likes to think that she’s the only one who has succeeded in changing Ryder and turned him into a good guy.", I heard a girl snorting sarcastically.

I knew that I did not do anything wrong but her words hit right through my heart, cutting and slicing it open in halves and in doing so, a whole lot of mixed feelings poured out... into tears. But, I pressed my lips up into a thin line to avoid the tears but alas. It just kept on overflowing like a reservoir with a broken dam which couldn’t keep on sustaining the water.

“Wait, isn’t that the girl whom Ryder carried to his bedroom last night?", I heard someone else asking in curiosity.

“What? But -

“Do you mean that she’s the one -

“Wait, what does this -

“Huh! Why -

They all started whispering at the same time but I could hear them properly and their hushed voices were annoying me. I just couldn’t listen to them. It just kept on reminding me so much of Alicia and her little minions. It’s like they are judging me even before knowing me, just like how I was treated at my old school. I had hope that since I’ll be starting something new, I might not be treated the same way but well, it seems like I was so wrong about it.

I think I just doesn’t deserve to be treated well. Maybe that’s the way my life should be like. Maybe I’m just fated to such a life. If so, then maybe I was better off in my old town, old school and old house.

“What the fuck?", I heard an authoritative voice shout in annoyance. Ryder.

“Ryder, who’s that girl?", the girl from before asked him.

“It’s just a chick, right?", the other guy questioned Ryder.

“If you’re done with her, then, do pass her over to me, yeah?", the second guy said in a disgusting tone, sending a chill down my spine.

“Is she good in bed - he stopped midway and fell down, grabbing the left side of his jaw while hissing in pain. I gasped in shock and scrambled away in fright, away from Ryder who had just swung his right fisted hand at the guy, punching him straight to the face.

“The fuck, man!", the guy yelled out through gritted teeth, glaring at Ryder from where he laid, down on the floor. The others tried to stop Ryder but the latter was unstoppable. Why does he resemble so much like my so called father?

But, Ryder wasn’t done. He perched down and seized the guy’s collar into his fisted hands, pulling him upwards, towards him, staring him down. No! As soon as he raised up his fisted hand once again, I shook my head negatively. No! Someone stop him. Ryder was just about to hit the guy again when my left arm knocked over something causing it to fall down, silencing everyone in the room. I could feel all their attention on me but I did not hide this time. It was too overwhelming. I just wanted to find a place where I would find some peace and somewhere, where, there won’t be any violence. When my eyes met with Ryder’s blue ones, I looked away with uncertainty.

“Shit!", Ryder cursed and when he rushed towards me, I got away, making him stop from advancing forward. When he stared at me with a pained face, looking dejected and worn out, I almost wanted to forgive him but I can never forget his words from last night. Almost like he did not just look at me like that, the expression on his face contorted into a fierce one but it wasn’t directed towards me, instead he raised his right hand high up in the air, his index finger promptly pointing at his bedroom door and glanced over his left shoulder.

“Get out.", he shouted at them and they all went out right away.

“I’m sorry -

I shook my head from side to side, making him stop mid sentence and squeezed my eyes shut tiredly, swiped away the remaining tears and then, looked at him once again before pulling myself up with the help of the wall nearest to me. I got into the bed, pulling the bed sheets over my body, covering myself and hide half of my face too. I remained like that for a good amount of time but when I heard the door closing and heavy footsteps retreating away, I let them out, all the tears, all the pain.

People would always say that crying help ease out the pain in our hearts but is that really true? Because, mine just keep on paining even though I’ve cried all the pain away.

It just doesn’t feel enough.

Like I haven’t cried enough.

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