Will I be Forever Alone?

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Chapter seven

I covered my face quickly and jumped out of the seat in fright. I can’t bear look at my father. I can only think about how he will beat me up once he sees me and even more worse, what if he takes me away? Back home? Back to hell? Back to where I somehow managed to escape? I don’t think that I will be able to climb my way up from the dark hole once again. I don’t even know if I will even be able to see a glimpse of light from there again.

Strong arms engulfed me but I only wanted to break free since I felt suffocated. I wanted to get away... away from everything. At this thought, I imagined my father’s taunting wicked face, laughing at my plight. He must be happy that he succeeded in ruining my life... the life of his only daughter.

I escaped the hands trying to caress my head, only picturing my father’s ugly hands roaming on me and ran to hide in a corner. I squeezed inside behind the end of the cupboards and held my breath, praying that he wouldn’t find me from where I am. I seized a handful of my hair and fisted my hands, pulling at the strands of my hair in panic and anger. I wanted out. I wanted escape. I wanted to be free. I did not freed myself only to be pulled back in hell.

I gasped when the door boomed against the wall and then everything literally froze in motion. I felt as if I couldn’t hear anything. I could only hear the pounding against my chest... thump thump thump... my heart beating frantically and making me heaved out deep breaths which would sometimes make me feel like I’m breathless. And then, all of a sudden, I heard everything. Almost like I had gone deaf for a while before I got my sense of hearing back. I just kept my eyes tightly shut and waited... waited for everything to be over.

It almost felt like I’m being drown by someone and I did nothing to escape from the hands pushing me underwater. I simply waited in the darkness that comes from under my eyelids, breathlessly in pain and waiting to be rescued which I highly doubt to be possible right now. But still, I had hope... something which I had forgotten about long ago but still wanting to grab onto it once again after meeting Jason......... Ryder...

I wanted to be hopeful in hope that it wouldn’t be in vain. The adrenaline pushing and rushing through every vain in my entire body was also not helping at all. I could feel each and every emotion from when I was at my father’s mercy unleashing all through my body, making me tremble at the intensity of it all trying to gnaw at my inside. It affected my entire being and I could not break free. I felt like I was a prisoner in my own flesh, my own body with no way out to escape.

Even if I had just got out from a nice bath and was feeling quite chilly due to the lack of clothes, I could feel the sweat forming on me and the palpitations of my heart wasn’t helping at all. I could feel my chest burning at my heart rate. I felt like I wasn’t getting enough air. I felt like vomiting even though I did not eat anything at all and the dizziness wasn’t making things easier for me.

I could no longer feel the pain from squeezing my hair, neither from my head nor from my fisted hands. I felt numb and stupid...... stupid at myself.


I noticed something eerie in the air and opened my eyes questioningly but my eyebrows remained furrowed together like they were not separated and being concentrated like that made my head ache in an even more impossible way.

I pressed my outstretched palms firmly on the floor beneath me and shifted my body weight forward in a kneeling position. I slowly peaked out from my hiding and tried to see Ryder but alas! Almost immediately, my mind got crowded with despicable thoughts and I even got an image of Ryder lying lifelessly down on the tiled ground in a pool of his own blood.... dead!

I cannot even stop from imagining awful things that my vicious father might have done to Ryder. Knowing my father, I just knew that nothing is impossible for him and he will do everything to get me back. No, I thought.

I briskly jumped to my feet and rushed forward, forgetting about the abrupt meeting with the devil himself. I don’t want to recoil in fear anymore. I wanted to set out and pave a way for myself even though it’s filled with obstacles. I will barged through every barricade and there’s no stopping me. I no longer want to be held back and I don’t need help to overcome my fear. I don’t want to shrink from the future. I want to face it. I want to move ahead and follow the light.

The light of freedom.

“Lea?“, I heard Ryder utter in a whisper. I caught a glimpse of him leaning against the wall adjacent to the bathroom door and I did not think twice before hurrying toward him. Our bodies crashed against each other and he gathered me into the safety of his arms while wincing slightly in pain.

“A-Are you okay?“, I questioned, my tone revealing the amount of concern I had for him and slumped against his body, feeling the security of being in his strong arms and tried to breathe softly in spite of my state of panic.

“Y-Yeah-“, he let out a deep breath and swallowed hard while leaning against the wall beside the bathroom door from where he had peeked around the corner to catch my attention.

“What.... h-happened?“, I leaned back a little bit just so I could face him while trying to control my quivering lower lip. I gulped down to stop from tearing up at his state.

I’m the cause of this situation.

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