Chapter 14: Hopeful
It’s been a week since I saw Jackson, I’ve been avoiding him. Yeah he said he was sorry but that doesn’t erase what he said.
I’m a virgin, not a lowlife slut. I thought that if I gave him a chance, ignored all the rumors that he would be nice, and he was, he was perfect. He always said the right things and made me feel like I wasn’t alone but now I have to forget him and face the facts.
He’s a no good for nothing, jerk and I really am alone. I can only count on myself.
“Dawn” my mum calls out.
Grumbling I roll out of bed. “Yeah I know, school. I’ll be late if I don’t get ready now” I shout back as I grab a pair of form-fitting yoga pants and a baggy shirt. After I put them on I add a light layer of eyeliner and put my shoes on.
“Honey are you okay?” My mum asks
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I fake a smile before giving her a quick hug and heading out the door, walking to school once again.
“Miss Winters” The teacher calls me
“What?” I ask
“You’re grades aren’t good anymore, if you don’t put in the work you’ll fail.”
“Okay.” Great, just another thing to worry about.
I sit in the back of the room, trying to avoid everyone.
I don’t have it in me to deal with anyone right now, I feel like I was hit by a train, I have no energy whatsoever and I’m exhausted. I don’t know why I feel this way, I sleep a lot. Maybe I’m getting sick or something.
My first 2 classes go by quickly, just boring shit.
I make my way to my next class, planning on hiding out there until lunch is over.
“Dawn” I hear Jackson call after me, making me pick up speed. “Dawn please hear me out.” He calls after me.
I stop and turn around, facing him. “What?” I yell.
He stares at me shocked.
“What? Nothing to say? Maybe some more insults? Hmm? Speak the fuck up.”
“I’m sorry.” He says sadly.
“Sorry for what? Calling me a lowlife slut? For hurting my feelings? For showing me who you really are?”
“Dawn you know that’s not who I am. I care about you okay? And it’s fucking me up because I don’t know how to act. I’m use to being an asshole okay? But with you I want to be better.” He admits.
“Well stop caring.” Is all I say before walking away, trying to keep the tears in. Why does he think he can play with me like that?
I feel a hand grab my arm, forcing me to turn back around. “No, I won’t let you walk away this time.” He states.
“Well I don’t care, I’m tired of everyone thinking they can hurt me” I yell, fresh tears streaming down my face
He runs his thumb across my cheek, wiping the tears away. “Please Dawn, just one more chance. I don’t want to lose you.” He smiles sadly,
“I can’t.” I look away from him.
“Yes you can.” He gently places a hand on my cheek, making me look at him. “I won’t give up on you”
I pull him into a hug, not being able to deny how I feel about him any longer, “last chance” I whisper and he nods before kissing my cheek, making my heart flutter.
“But we aren’t dating, just friends.” I state.
“Of course” He chuckles, the sweet sound filling my ears.
He takes my hand and leads me to a field just outside the school, that is surprisingly empty. He sits down on the grass and pats beside him, ushering me to do the same, so I do.
I relax feeling the warm sun against my skin. I look at him and he’s admiring me. “What?” I ask
“You’re just really beautiful, Dawn.”
I smile at him before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Do friends usually do that?” He asks in a playful manner.
“Shut up.” I laugh.
“Nah, by all means do it again. I like it.” His crooked smile spreads across his face effortlessly.
I stick my tongue out at him before laying down in the grass, looking up at the clouds. “So you care about me huh?” I ask.
He goes silent for a minute before speaking up. “More then I’ve ever cared about a girl before.”
“I feel bad for all those girls.” I admit.
“Yeah well, they knew what they were getting into.” He states
I look over at him, him looking back at me. “What would I be getting myself into?” I ask.
He stays quiet, thinking.
“Well?” I ask
“A relationship, probably a shitty one because I don’t know how to be a boyfriend but I’d try my best for you. And I promise I’ll always be there when you need me. You’re different then the other girls Dawn, you’re not some chick I want to just screw and leave, I want something meaningful with you.”
“Oh.” I look at him nervously.
“Oh?” He asks
“I like you, I do. It’s just my grades are slipping and I’m going through a lot, I don’t know if I’m ready for anything more than friends.” I admit, looking at him sadly.
“I can wait.” He smiles at me before gently kissing my forehead. “You’re worth it.” He adds.
I smile up at him, noticing how his body is hovering over mine, close enough to feel how warm he is but far enough to make me ache for his touch. I feel heat rise in my cheeks at the thought of him that close to me.
He smirks at me before pulling me into a heated kiss, his mouth instantly moving against mine. I sit up a little and sink into the kiss, returning it happily. I pull his body closer to mine, trying to savor every second that passes.
After a couple minutes we pull apart breathlessly. “I like being your friend” he jokes and I push his shoulder playfully as we laugh.
“Special friend” he jokes again making me laugh some more.
“How about girlfriend?” I ask.
He immediately smiles, pulling me into a sweet, tender kiss, giving me all the answer I needed.
Hopefully I’m not making another mistake. I like him so much but I don’t want to get hurt again.
Please don’t let him hurt me again.