Chapter 18: Numb
I stare up at the ceiling, phone in hand with messages flashing through my mind.
“Waste of space”
“Pathetic piece of shit”
The site is still up, thriving. Everyone hates me and I’ve done nothing to deserve it, I’ve always been nice to everyone, putting up with all the shit people say to me and pushing it to the back of my mind but I can’t anymore.
I can’t ignore all the hurtful things they say, all the mean things they do. I just can’t.
I look over at the razor blade on my bedside table coming to a conclusion, I need to feel the pain because if I don’t, then I’ve already died inside.
1 week later
I look around the empty park, everyone’s at school but I just didn’t feel like going and didn’t want to argue with my mum again so I came here instead.
I’ve been avoiding everyone for the last week, even Jackson. He probably hates me for it, I never went back to meet his mum and I’ve completely disappeared on him. I just don’t feel well. I’m not sick or anything but I’m just not feeling like myself. And no one’s even noticed, not my mum, dad, anyone.
I’m so alone in this and it’s killing me but I don’t know who I can go to, who would understand that I’m completely numb? That I feel like an empty shell and life is just passing by.
“Dawn, where have you been?”
I look up to see Jackson and Lillian walking up to me.
“Busy.” Was all I said, refusing to look at them.
“Dawn..” Jackson pauses. “I haven’t heard from you in a week.”
“That sucks, huh?” I scoff.
“What’s your problem?” Lillian asks, agitation in her voice.
“Just leave me alone, okay?” I say as I stand up and start walking away, not once looking back at them.
I don’t know where I’m going but I want to be alone, it’s what I deserve.
“Dawn please talk to me.” Jackson says as he catches up with me.
“Talk about what?” I ask nonchalantly.
He rolls his eyes. “About what’s wrong”
“I’m fine.” I fake a smile
“No you aren’t. You’ve never done this before, you never act like this, what is wrong?” He pleads with me.
I smile at him. “Maybe I’m just tired.” Well I take it back, someone noticed.
“Tired my ass” he shakes his head, keeping up pace with me. “Where are you even going?”
“Wherever I want.” I state.
He grabs my wrist, pulling me to stop and face him. “Talk to me about what’s going on.”
I look at the ground, handing him my phone. “Look in the gallery.”
He does as I asked and looks through the screenshots of what people are saying. “I told you to ignore them”
“How? How can I ignore them? It’s always there!” I raise my voice at him, trying to hold in tears.
“Dawn” he says sadly.
“No! No I can’t do it anymore, okay? You don’t see me because I don’t want to be seen! You don’t hear from me because I want to be alone! I have nothing anymore” I cry out.
He wraps his arms around me in a tight, comforting hug. “You have me”
I hug him back, silently crying onto his shoulder. “For how long?”
He goes silent for a minute before running his hand through my hair. “Forever”
I look up at him with tear stained cheeks. “So you decided to be cheesy and romantic when I’m crying?” I let out a small laugh.
“It made you laugh so yeah” he smiles. “I love you dawn and I’m here for you no matter what.”
Hearing those words caused a smile to spread across my face, and for the first time in a week, I feel like I’ll be okay. “I love you too.”