Without You (Book 1)

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Chapter 6: Hormones Suck.

Dawn's pov

After school finishes for the day I walk down the hallway thinking about what Jackson said.

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but what if I end up like those other girls? What if I start to really like him and he hurts me?

I see how much my dad hurts my mum on a daily basis, I see how much she hurts, how hard she tries to hide it.

I'm scared of opening up to him but, what if I'm just overthinking it and he just wants to be friends?

'You made it"

Startled, I look up realizing I walked to the bleachers and there he was, in all his glory smiling at me.

I couldn't help but smile back at him. "Yeah, I did." Quickly snapping out of my stupor I add "Not like you gave me much of a choice."

"Just admit you wanted to hang out."

I glare at him.

"Okay I'll calm it with the teasing" he puts his hands up in mock defense.

Not being able to control it I let out a small laugh, shaking my head I start to walk again. "So where are we going?"

"The forest?" he asks

"I'd like that but keep your hands and lips to yourself." I state, giving him the 'I'm serious' look

"Promise, cross my heart and hope to step on a lego" he places his left hand over his heart.

"That would be great to see, lego's hurt."

"So mean" he laughs

After walking around for a little while he takes me to the clearing by the water, where we last hung out. I look over at him feeling suddenly uneasy by the memories of that night but also curious.

"Why'd you try to kiss me?" i blurt out, surprising him and myself.

"I like you, you're different and sassy but don't worry. I wont do it again unless I have your permission."

I nod, still skeptical. I watch him walk over to the water's edge, pick up a few small stones and starts skipping them, disturbing the peaceful look of the deep blue and greens of the water.

I walk up to him and decide to sit down, dipping my fingers into the wet surface, the briskness of it giving me goosebumps.

When I look up he's looking at me. "Cold?" he asks

"Peaceful" Looking back down I answer, a content smile on my face.

Hearing a click I turn to see him holding his phone up, pointing it at me. "Did you just take a picture of me?"

He sits down beside me, showing me the photo, the wind was blowing my hair as i was looking into the water, the colorful sky making it look amazing. "You're talented. Are you into photography?" I ask

"No, you're just beautiful." He smiles.

Looking at him, with that perfect crooked smile of his and those piercing green eyes looking directly made me come to a conclusion.

Not a good one either. I'm hooked. I remeber those 2 weeks that went by I constantly waited for a message, or for him to talk to me and every time nothing happened I got sad, but seeing him here, beside me....I like him.

But that can't happen. I can't be hurt. I need to save myself before it gets worse.

"I have to go home now though, I have stuff to do" I mumbled

"I'll walk you home" he suggests

"Thanks." I fake a smile and get up, leading the way to my house. I don't want him to know what I'm thinking so I guess just fake it until I make it, right?

The whole walk I home I got to know him better, His favorite color, How he has a German shepherd named Bentley, Just stupid stuff, really.

Also he told me how he hates apples, Horrible right? I told him how much I love apples and a look of disgust crossed his face before we both started laughing.

We finally reach my house and suddenly I'm reluctant to leave. My emotions are everywhere. What's happening to me?

"So this is me" I say shyly, refusing to make eye contact.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow." He says, wrapping me in a hug, The smell of cinnamon taking over my senses.

I return the hug, not wanting today to end. "Yeah."

Reluctantly we part, before heading our separate ways.

When I get inside I head straight for my room, smiling wide.

Hormones suck.

What if I'm not good enough for him? He looks so cool and I look so...plain. Maybe I should change something?

I look in the mirror, my long sandy brown hair slightly messy. A haircut? No. I love my hair.

No. I'm not gonna change anything. I don't need to change for a guy.

God why am I all over the place?

I perk up at the sound of my phone chiming, Pulling it out of my pocket I open it to see Jackson messaged me.

"I had a great time today. I hope we do it again soon. -Jay"

"That'd be great -Dw"

Smiling, I put my phone on my nightstand and change into my pink leopard print pajama set.

laying in bed, I let my thoughts wander.

Should I give Jackson a chance? He seems so kind and caring and he's really funny. I think I really like him...more then I probably should at this point.

Are every girls hormones this bad? Like one minute I want to kiss him and then the next all I want is to distance myself. Why is this so confusing? Shouldn't it be simple and easy?

What do I even know about relationships? I've had one boyfriend and it wasn't anything serious, we literally only kissed once in a game of truth or dare.

I honestly thought something was wrong with me at one point, I wasn't attracted to anyone, not even my boyfriend at the time, which makes me a bad person I know. We only dated because the pressure of our friends.

We broke up amicably though so there wasn't any harsh feelings.

But a guy like Jackson has experience with things...things I don't. and he has dated so many girls, according to the rumors at least.

What if he is actually interested in me? I feel heat rise in my cheeks at that thought.

I'll Just take it slow for now, I need to stop thinking about it. My emotions are giving me whiplash.

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