Brian got up from me so fast and thank God he did because I’m not sure I would have gotten up otherwise. I couldn’t even think about what was going to happen because Kyle was glaring at us
“Hey” I waved at him.
“What are you doing here? I thought you went home” He asked me.
“Yeah...I uh... I came back. Needed to talk to you”.
“Right. Go to my room. I’ll deal with you soon”. He didn’t need to tell me twice. I rushed out of Brian’s room.
I was antsy. I kept pacing the room. My face was still flushed. My body was still flushed. I felt tingly all over. What was wrong with me? I didn’t like men and yet, I had no problem being all over Brian. I came here to try and get rid of my problems but I just added another. Again, what was wrong with me?
I went out into the hallway to see what was keeping Kyle. Once there, I heard a very heated argument from Brian’s room.
“I told you to stay away from him. What do you think you’re doing?”
“Nothing. We were just messing around”, Brian replied.
“Exactly. I don’t want you messing around with him” Kyle said angrily.
“He’s not a child. He can make his own decisions”.
“He can, but you are not included in those decisions he’s supposed to make. Or are you forgetting he’s as homophobic as they come?”
Oh right. So they were talking about me.
“And I told you that I didn’t care about that. Every homophone is a little gay” Brian chuckled.
I wasn’t a homophobe. Fine, I was but I’m changing. Right? I know I’ve said a few hurtful words but I don’t do that anymore. And I wasn’t gay either. Seriously. I went closer to Brian’s room because they were speaking in hushed tones now.
“...straight. You can’t do this!”
“Yes I can. And it’s none of your business either. You’re not his mom. Besides, I actually do like the kid”.
“Ugh!” I heard Kyle groan. “It’s not about whether you like him or not. He’s fragile. He gets hurt easily and I don’t want you to hurt him”.
What the hell? I wasn’t fragile. Brian couldn’t hurt me even if he tried. Why was Kyle talking about me like I was some egg that needed to be taken care of?
“I won’t hurt him”.
“Not intentionally. Aiden can get hurt so easily. I don’t need him cutting because of you. He has other burdens and doesn’t need to add you to them”.
I gasped. I couldn’t believe Kyle. How dare he just tell a stranger about my issues like that. I trusted him.
“Seriously?” I said as I walked into the room. “How dare you!” I shouted and shoved him.
Kyle stumbled backwards, regained his posture and blinked. His eyes went wide, as if he just realized what he had done.
“Aiden... I’m sorry. I...”
“No. You don’t get to talk. How could you do this to me? Not only did you call me a child, you told a stranger about my...my...” Fuck! I couldn’t even mention it.
“For the record, I didn’t call you a child. He did!” he said, pointing his thumb at Brian who just rolled his eyes. “And seriously Aiden, look at your arms. Anyone with eyes can see them. Even a half blind man can see them. I didn’t have to tell him for him to notice them”.
“I can’t believe you”. I shouted at him and rushed out of the house.
When I got home, I rushed to my room without even checking whether my mom was around. Not that I cared, because I was still angry with her.
I looked down at my arms as I stood in my bathroom. My scars were more evident nor. I couldn’t hide gem even if I tried to. My bracelets would be of no help. Anyone with eyes could see what I was doing to myself.
But the question was why hadn’t Brian said anything?
Maybe he felt it wasn’t his place.
Yeah, maybe. Or maybe he just didn’t want to deal with my baggage.
I remembered Brian telling Kyle that he liked me. I scoffed. How could he? I was an insufferable brat with self-harm addiction. How could anyone like me?
This whole day had been a mess, I decided when I finally went to bed. I caught my mom cheating on my dad, I almost kissed Brian, and oh, I was angry at Kyle.
The next day at school, I avoided Kyle like the plague. I was so angry at him that I didn’t know what I would even do when I saw him.
It was lunch and I was standing in front of my homeroom, debating whether I should go to the cafeteria when I heard Gabrielle’s voice.
“Hey babe” she smiled at me. Right. I still had a girlfriend.
I took her outstretched hand and pier her into a deep kiss. Fuck no, I wasn’t gay.
“Wow!” she gasped when we broke apart. “Did you miss me that much? It’s only been a day” she chuckled.
“You don’t even know how much” I whispered and kissed her again.
I tried so hard to be into it. I initiated ghetto kiss, I should be enjoying it, right? Hell, my body wasn’t even reacting at all. This didn’t feel right but I wasn’t about to get depressed about it.
“Hey Aiden, can we go to my place?” she asked. I knew exactly what she wanted but I wasn’t up for it. I couldn’t tell her that I didn’t feel anything at we kissed. So I said, “how about after school? I can’t risk missing Maths”.
She pouted but nodded and then pulled me to the cafeteria. Now, I just had to find a way to tell her I couldn’t have sex with her. Damn, what if she got suspicious? I couldn’t risk her finding out that I was gay.
I am not gay!!!!!!
I’m what some people will call curious. Yeah, I did some research last night. I’m straight, but I have found myself liking Brian to some extent. It didn’t mean anything. I was still a straight boy who wanted to kiss a man.
Whatever the hell that meant.
I couldn’t say that it didn’t bother me, because it did. It really did. Was I about to become of the people I hated so much?