The Bartender

All Rights Reserved ©

Chapter Thirty

“Get out!”

My heart stopped. My words got caught in my throat. I couldn’t breathe. I could only stare with wide eyes at Brian as he glared at me with so much anger in his eyes.

“Get the fuck out! Now!” he screamed at me.

I still couldn’t move. I was shocked. I had expected him to get angry but not to this extent. Not to the extent of him sacking me from his house, from his side.

“Are you fucking deaf? Leave!” he screamed at me, moving closer and something in me snapped.

I took a step back, somehow afraid of how he had gotten taller and bigger in a sudden.

“I’m sorry” I choked, hoping to apologize. I didn’t mean to hurt him. I just wanted to make everything better. “Brian...”

“Don’t. I don’t want to see your fucking face. Get out before I throw you out myself!” he stated, his words seeming final and then walked away from me.

My legs refused to move. My heart refused to think. My brain refused to believe that Brian had just ended things with me.

But somehow, deep down, I could hear it. His words had been so final even as he said them. He didn’t want to see my face again. He wanted nothing to do with me.

I don’t know how it happened, but some way, somehow, I found myself walking out of the house. I looked up, hoping to see my best friend or brother, hoping for some comfort from them but they were nowhere to be found. They had probably left already, I decided.

I spared one last look at Brian. He had his back to me, as if the very essence of my being annoyed him. I didn’t blame him.

“I’m really sorry” I whispered, hoping he heard me. “I just wanted to help” I said and walked out of the door.

Instead of calling my dad to pick me up, I found myself walking home. It seemed that my feet had a mind of their own. I was practically in daze though, not seeing where I was going.

By walking home, I knew would spend more than ten minutes and I felt that that was a good enough time for anything to happen. I didn’t know what I was hoping for but I guess that I wished that by some miracle, Brian would realize I hadn’t meant to cause him harm and come after me.

My legs slowed as I thought about it, making the distance to my home even longer. I wanted to glance back at the house every so often but I really couldn’t. Not because it was painful to do so, but because it would hurt me even worse to know that Brian wasn’t behind me.

It hurt.

So bad.

So fucking bad.

Why did I ruin what we had in just a matter of minutes? What was wrong with me? What did I think, that by trying to reunite their family, Brian would fall in love with me? I was a joke. A fucking joke and I hated myself.

I hated that I had slowly but surely fallen for this man when I didn’t even find men attractive in anyway. I hated that I had allowed myself to be wooed by a gay man. But even I knew that he was the best thing that happened to me.

And I had ruined it. I destroyed what we had. I destroyed our love when it was only just kindling.

I didn’t know when the tears started falling. My eyes were hurting and my sight was blurry. I couldn’t see much, given that the world was spinning around me. My head ached so bad. My fingers twitched. My wrists itched. This was just too painful and I couldn’t handle it. I needed comfort. I needed Brian to hold me in his arms as he done so many times now. I needed him to whisper sweet words into my ears. I needed him now more than ever.

I screamed frantically and fell to my knees, right in the middle of the road. I heard a car honk at me but I must have been wrong. I didn’t know what was going on. All I could see was blurry silhouettes passing around me and I could only feel the tears falling down my cheeks and the itching on my wrists.

My heart ached, there was a severe pain in my chest. I didn’t know what it was. It must have been from my scream. I didn’t want to feel this pain. It hurt so bad.

Brian didn’t want me anymore and it was my own fault.

I needed to punished for being such a moron. I should have done the right thing and stayed in my place. I needed pain. So much pain.

I did something I didn’t want to do. I wiped my eyes and turned to the direction of the house. It was there, I could see it in plain sight. But there was no Brian.

Fuck!

I ran. I ran so fast I could barely feel my legs. All I couldn’t think of was getting pain to stop. I needed to get home as fast as possible and do that in the only way I knew how. I was panting by the time I got to our front door, my mouth filled with saliva and tears. Why was I hurting so much?

I had never felt this way before.

Not even when those assailed did that to me did I feel this much pain.

Why? Why? Why?

The door wouldn’t budge when I tried opening it. I banged on it frantically, desperately shouting Maria’s name. I needed to get into my room. I needed to stop it. I needed...

“Aiden, what’s wrong?” Maria asked me the moment she opened the door.

I didn’t spare her a glance and rushed up to my room. I didn’t want to deal with anyone who wasn’t Brian. I needed Brian. I wanted Brian.

He didn’t want me anymore.

I run to my closet and threw my clothes apart. I threw open the drawers and searched fervently for my box.

It wasn’t there. No matter how many things I threw out, no matter how many drawers I broke, it wasn’t there. What had they done to it? What had they done to me?

I needed them. I needed all of them. But they weren’t there. Just like Brian.

I rushed to my bathroom and threw the place apart, searching for something to take my pain away but I found none.

In frustration, I punched my mirror with my fist, not bothered about the pain that shot through my arm at the contact. I took a broken piece and held it to my wrist.

Please, please, please, take the pain away.

“Brian” I whispered. “Please forgive me”.

I cried. So much.

Why did he make me feel this way? The look on Brian’s face that screamed disappointment, hurt, betrayal was all I could see. It made me so angry that I had hurt him in that way. He didn’t deserve it. I was a bad person and all I did was hurt him.

I cut them, again and again. Left and then right. My fingers started shaking and the broken mirror fell to the floor. I watched with teary eyes as the blood dripped from my arms to the white tiled floor.

“I’m so sorry” I sobbed. Will he ever forgive me? Of course not. He didn’t come after me. He didn’t want me anymore. He didn’t want to see my fucking face.

“Brian!” I cried out in pain.

I just wanted to know one thing.

Why did I feel so much pain?

***

Brian’s POV

“You’re a fucking asshole!”

I rolled my eyes.

“How dare you! How could you?!”

I rolled my eyes again.

“How could you just send him away like that? He just wanted to help!” Kyle shouted at me.

I scoffed at that. Of course he would defend his best friend. Of course he wouldn’t stop to think that Aiden fucking went out of his way to do something I told him not to. He fucking took every ounce of trust I had placed in him and stomped on it. The fucking son of a bitch!

“Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you let me know you were sending him away? Now I’m scared that he might actually hurt himself” he asked.

Why was he so worried? The boy could take care of himself. I mean, he bought fucking plane tickets to go see a group of people he had never met before. The thought of it alone angered me to no end.

I finally decided to tell him about my family and this is what he does? He pitied me. Just because his family was now in a good place didn’t mean everyone else’s was the same.

My family would never be the same. My father was a homophobic asshole who would rather cut his own cock off than accept his own son as a homo. My mother was a feeble little woman who adored my father and couldn’t even dare to stand up to him. My sister - My sister was just a kid. She didn’t know what was happening most of the time and probably didn’t even remember me.

To her, I might just as well be a normal instagram model like the many that she follows.

Why should I go back to see such a family?

No matter how much I missed them. No matter how much I wanted to see how my mother was fairing, no matter how much I wanted to see how my sister had grown in person. I couldn’t. Because, if I stepped foot there, I’d have to face the fucking asshole I called a father. The man who threatened to shoot me in the head if I ever showed my fairy ass at his doorstep.

I was a fucking coward but I wasn’t about to head to my death.

Aiden shouldn’t have betrayed me like that. He went ahead and did this even after I had said no.

“Shut up already!” I seethed angrily at Kyle who was still sitting profanities at me.

“Fuck you!” he screamed making Niall wince and take a step back.

“No, fuck you! He brought this on himself! I told him no and he went and did it anyway! He crossed a damn line that I had been trying to steer clear of for so long. You know this”.

“Yes, I know that but how do you think he feels? He had already bought those tickets as a surprise for both you and your sister before he even asked”.

That just made it worse.

I didn’t know what to think.

“Brian, be logical here, please. Just hear him out” Kyle said gently as he walked closer to me. “He didn’t know it was this bad with your family. If he knew, he wouldn’t have done anything, trust me. Aiden knows when to butt out of things that don’t concern him”.

“This didn’t concern him in anyway”.

“Yes it did. He’s boyfriend Brian” Kyle stated making me groan. Of course he was. He was the person I wanted to wake up next to each day. “He wanted to make you happy. You shouldn’t have sent him away like that. He’s fragile, I told you this before. Sometimes, Aiden acts before he thinks but when he realizes that he’s made a mistake, he goes out of his way to make it right. Please don’t let this come between you two”.

“It already has” I said and walked up the stairs, stopping when Niall called after me.

“Brian, please. I know we don’t know each other well but ever since Aiden started hanging out with you, he’s been at his happiest. He cares about you too, really. I can see it whenever he talks about you” he said.

He was only saying that because Aiden was his brother.

Did no one understand how I felt? With a sigh, I went up to my room and out on a shirt before going back downstairs. I would rather stay in my room and not deal with Kyle and Niall but it reminded me so much of Aiden. He had changed many things about me in such a short time. Because of him, I had slept in my room twice since I moved here. I even slept in my bed because of him.

Now without him here, I didn’t see the need to be inside there. I went to kitchen to get my trusty old friend, a bottle of whiskey and poured myself a glass, not bothered by the looks Kyle and his beloved gave me.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Kyle asked and I shrugged.

“Remind me why I’m friends with you again?” I asked him, rolling my eyes when he just stared at me. “I trusted him, you know. He asked me once if I trusted anyone and I said yeah, except that I didn’t know it would be him” I sighed. “I love him so much, you know. I care about him. I’d do anything to be with him”. It was true. I really did. But how could I be with someone who could do something like this?

“So why aren’t you with him right now?” Kyle asked making me shrug.

“Because”.

“That’s not a good enough answer”.

“I don’t know what else to tell you. I love him. I want to be with him, I need to be with otherwise I feel incomplete. He’s like my other half. I don’t know how it happened but somehow, he managed to tear a part of my heart and take it with him and it pains me that I’m so angry with him right now. Seeing how sad he looked when we talked today hurt me more than anything. All I wanted to do was grab him and hug him tightly and whisper sweet words to him to assure him of my love. I want him to know how much he means to me. I want to tell him that even though we haven’t known each other for long, he’s it for me. He’s the person I’ve been looking for all my life. I’m happy when I’m with him. I love him”.

“Then why don’t you run over to his place and tell him all these things?” Niall asked.

I sighed. He probably wants nothing to do with me right now given how I treated him. I am such an asshole. And a coward. I knew he only wanted to help reunite whatever is left of my family but I was just scared and angry of what my father would do and I took it out on him.

He did betray my trust, and I can’t think of anything that can make up for that.

“You’ve got about ten missed calls from Aiden” Kyle said, showing me my phone.

“I don’t want to speak to him” I grumbled and downed a shot of whiskey. Good old whiskey, it will never betray me.

“Just hear him out, come on. He’s calling again” he said and I soared a glance at the phone. Before I could say anything, Kyle answered the call making me groan.

There was no sound for the first two to five seconds. Then we heard a few short breaths before a tiny sound. “Brian?”

I didn’t respond.

“Brian ... I... I need...please” he sobbed. This was so gut wrenching to hear. “Brian” sob, “I love...my wrists”.

He loved his wrists?

“Aiden?” I said, taking the phone from Kyle and putting it to me ears. “You called to say you love your wrists?” I asked, my brows furrowing in confusion.

Then I heard Kyle gasp, and somehow, I knew exactly what was wrong.

“Aiden, no” I whispered.

“I’m sorry. Please ... I … Forgive me” he sobbed again.

Before I knew it, I was in my car, speeding towards his house and praying to all the gods above that the love of my life was waiting and safe.

Continue Reading Next Chapter

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.