After I left Kyle’s house, I went straight home. Mom was in the living room drinking coffee by the time I got home. I was in no mood to talk. I just wanted to go up to my room and sleep. I didn’t want to do a lot of thinking either. I had had enough of that. All I wanted to do was sleep and forget about everything that happened. I could just forget about it and pretend as though it never happened.
I greeted mom quickly and rushed up to my room. Locking my door, I laid flat on the bed and cried into my pillow. I had no answers to the many questions that run through my mind. I just wanted to cry myself to sleep. I honestly felt as though I had no reason to live.
First, I cut myself, second, I have a wet dream about a boy I just met and third, I know I’m not gay. At least, I hope because this was just so confusing. I until I fell asleep.
Sleep was good to come to me, but everything had its negative sides. I was restless. I tossed and turned in my sleep and finally, I sat up and wiped sweat off my forehead with the back of my hands. I didn’t like this at all. This may just be a simple situation to anyone, but to me, this was hell. My very own hell. And as if me feeling bad about it was not enough, leave it to Kyle to tease me about it. I sighed.
Of course, Kyle just said it as a joke and maybe I may have been over reacting. But I was the one going through an emotional turmoil so it was highly acceptable. Damn, was I now hitting puberty?
I chuckled at my joke. I walked into the bathroom and splashed water on my face. I brushed his teeth, wondering how long I had slept for. Not that it mattered. I remembered promising Kyle that I’d be in school. I knew Kyle would be thinking I did it again. But I didn’t. Honestly, I felt the need to, but I was fighting hard. Sighing, I stripped down to my boxers.
I looked down at myself and shook my head. This habit of mine had to stop. I went back into my room and slipped on a pair of sweatpants before walking downstairs to the kitchen. I was a bit hungry now, and even though I wouldn’t admit to anyone, I wanted to eat. The maids were not in the kitchen so I walked over to the fridge and poured myself a bowl of cereal.
As I stood by the counter, the image that had been implanted in my head came back to me. I remembered how hot he looked standing behind that bowl of salad.
Shaking my head, I walked over to the fridge to get some milk. I stopped when I saw the note on the fridge which read
“I’m out with a friend. Don’t wait up. Don’t forget to lock the door”.
How come I didn’t see that before? I sighed. My mom had been going out too much of late and I didn’t understand why. And she didn’t even bother to say goodbye to me. I mean, sure, it was okay for her to go out, and I was happy for her since she had cooped herself in the house for far too long. But it was getting out of hand. She wasn’t at home during the weekend and today was just Tuesday.
But I didn’t mind though. She was an adult after all. I took my bowl of cereal back to my room and sat on my bed. I took my phone and turned it on. It started buzzing the minute I turned it on and I saw the messages I had been sent, most of which were from Kyle, asking if I was okay.
I sighed and replied to Kyle that I was fine and there was no need to worry. After replying to Kyle, my mind went back to Brian. I wondered why they were living together. Kyle wasn’t old enough to be living by himself, I thought. He was 18, yes, but so what? I shook my head. I decided to wait until Kyle told me in his own time. I wasn’t one to rush things, well unless I got impatient, which was rare. My grandma told me patience was a virtue, but she also said all animals in the world went on one boat, so what does she know?
I smiled. One of the many things I loved about her was her stories, and she made me love going to church, because they told funny stories, but after she died, I didn’t like it anymore. I remembered how she didn’t have anything against homosexuals but the church was against them. I was lost.
I took my phone and went through the other texts that I hadn’t bothered to open. One was from Gabrielle and I smacked myself for being so distant. Before Kyle came, I was so close to her, but now? It wasn’t Kyle’s fault that I missed him so much. It was no one’s fault and Gabrielle shouldn’t have to suffer. I chuckled at her text which said she missed my kisses.
I missed her too. I sighed. Maybe, that may have been the reason why I embarrassed myself like that. I was probably sexually frustrated. It’s been long since I did it so I guess that could have been the reason. Because, of course, I wasn’t gay.
The next day at school, I strutted quite happily to my locker. I missed my friends, kind of. I missed Andrew and Gabrielle and I wanted to apologize to Andrew’s friend for giving her the cold shoulder the first time they met. I had forgotten all about Niall until I saw him near my locker.
“That fucker” I hissed.
Walking over to Niall, I pushed him so hard that his head hit the locker. The boy grunted in pain making me grin, satisfied with my mischievous achievement.
“What are you doing in front of my locker, gay boy?”
The boy’s eyes went wide with shock and I was confused.
“N-nothing. I’m sorry. I was o-only passing”. He said and rushed away before I could smack him in the head.
I shook my head and opened my locker. There was nothing suspicious about it so I just picked up my books and headed on to Gabrielle’s locker. She was waiting for me and I pulled her into a long, deep kiss.
“I missed you” she smiled at my lips.
“Me too, sweetie” I said, cupping the back of her head and deepening the kiss.
After our few minutes of tongue locking, she reminded me of our date and I smiled. I kissed her goodbye and headed to my maths class. I hated maths period. I walked in and was glad the teacher wasn’t there. Kyle was already in his seat, but there was someone sitting next to him. I wanted to sit there so I adjusted my bag, put on a frown and went over.
I nodded at the boy. “Buzz off pipsqueak”.
The boy nodded frantically and rushed away. I grinned and sat next to Kyle.
“Did you really have to do that?”
“What? Don’t tell me you’re not amused by my power”.
Kyle chuckled and shook his head. But then he got serious again making me frown.
“I saw you with Niall earlier”.
This couldn’t be good. “We were just having a pep talk”.
“Oh yeah?” He didn’t seem to believe me. “About what?”
“You know, I wanted to apologize. But he thought I was gonna hit him so he run off” I lied. “It’s not much of a big deal”.
Kyle nodded and turned to his book. I let out a breath of relief. I actually thanked God that Kyle believed me. Kyle began talking about what went on at home and how Brian was making pizza but ended up burning his fingers. He thought it was funny but I got worried for a second. I felt sad that Brian burnt his hand for some reason, but I brushed that feeling aside because hell, I didn’t even know him.
The class went on well and Kyle taught me a few things in trigonometry which I was thankful for. My next class was biology and we agreed to sit together at lunch. Not that we had to agree but I felt that I needed to ask.
The biology teacher gave us back our test sheets and she huffed in annoyance when giving me mine. I looked at the paper in my hands and nodded, finally understanding why she was annoyed. I had an F. I nipped on my pencil in frustration. I really wanted to push up my grades so that I could get into college after graduation. But that wasn’t going to happen with these F’s.
I couldn’t pay attention much in class either. I was busy thinking about how to bring up my grades, and funny enough, paying attention in class was one of them. But no matter how hard I tried, my mind decided to wander off to some place on its own. When the class ended, I packed my books and went on to head to lunch but the teacher called me back.
“Aiden, I saw that you weren’t paying attention much in class” she began, and I knew what was to follow. “I thought maybe you were thinking about something important to you, but you can do that later. I’ve checked with other teachers and they all agreed that your grades are falling. You need to push them up or we may have to hold you back”.
“No, no. Please. You can’t hold me back” I practically begged. I didn’t want to lose another year of school. “I promise; I’m going to try my best. Please”.
“You have to get a tutor. Maybe one of the other kids can help you”.
I cringed at the word tutor. I wasn’t going to get bullied again. “No. I don’t need a tutor. I’ll work hard on my own. Please”.
She looked at him and sighed. “Okay Aiden. I’ll give you two weeks, and if you don’t get at least a C in your next test, you’ll get a tutor”.
I nodded. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I won’t let you down”.
I was glad that I could get off without a tutor. I didn’t want to relive his past. The word tutor had my past replaying in my mind like it was only yesterday. When I was in middle school, the kids who used to tutor me were bullies and I hated them. Honestly. I hated everything about them and I didn’t want to fall in the same trap again. So that was a relief.
Yet, I knew I needed a tutor. Even as much as I hated to admit it. Its not like I’m dumb or anything, all I needed was just a little push. I knew that with a little help, I would be able to do well in school. I wasn’t one of those kids who didn’t want anything to do with school. I hated school, yes, but I also wanted to do well in life. My parents may be rich, but I also wanted to have my own money.
Upon reaching the cafeteria I noticed Andrew, Gabrielle and Andrew’s friend (I can’t remember her name, sorry) sitting at the usual table with a few other people whereas Kyle was with that boy. I groaned. Kyle just had to sit with the outcasts of outcasts. I wondered why Kyle even talked to him. I even wondered why no one seemed to have a problem with the kid. He was gay for crying out loud. A homo.
Yet still, I wanted to sit with Kyle. I wanted to ask about Vancouver and how the family was doing. I wanted to know how life was for my best friend and why he had to move back. But that would mean saying sorry to the faggot. I sighed.
I went over to my usual table and smiled at them. I noticed the other girl was uncomfortable and I guess that was because I didn’t speak to her the last time. I only smiled at her, so she should be comfortable right?
“Hey” I smiled at her. “How is life with the douchebag over here”.
“Watch it scumbag” Andrew chuckled.
She replied nicely before turning to Gabrielle but I didn’t bother myself with what she had to say. I glanced at Kyle and saw him laughing with Niall.
“I’m gonna go over to Kyle’s table for a bit yeah?”
No one answered. They were all engrossed in what they were doing. Some friends, I rolled my eyes. I just shook his head as he left. I saw Niall shift awkwardly.
“Hello boys” I said, sitting down.
“I saw you with the biology teacher”.
“Yeah”. Leave it to Kyle to be observant, I thought. I really didn’t want to talk about myself at the moment.
“What did she want?”
“Nothing important” I said waving my hand as if to say they should brush it off. I noticed Niall got quieter because of me and I was glad. I didn’t want to speak to him. But I had to, you know, to stop Kyle from worrying.
“Niall” I smiled. A fake smile that is. Niall’s head shot up in surprise making me roll my eyes.
“What? I’m not gonna hurt you” I teased. Kyle glared at me and I noticed some hand movements beneath the table, but whatever. I didn’t care.
“Come on, i just wanted to apologize for earlier”.
The boy was shocked, to say the least and I understood. I wasn’t one to apologize often, at least not to someone like him. He looked to Kyle and when Kyle nodded he smiled at me.
I nodded. We all went back to eating and I asked Kyle about Vancouver. Kyle only told me things concerning Brian and I realized they were quite close. I didn’t mind. At least, Kyle got a good friend. When I went to ask Kyle about his mom and sister, Kyle said he didn’t want to talk about it and I changed the topic to school. Which brought them back to earlier.
“I said I don’t wanna talk about it”.
“Did she say you weren’t doing well?”
I sighed and nodded. Kyle could always see through me.
“I can help you, you know” he offered and I beamed. I didn’t need a stranger as a tutor after all.
“Yeah, no problem. You can come over tonight” he said and Niall nudged him in his side. “O-or tomorrow”.
I noticed but didn’t say anything. “Yeah sure. I have a date with Gabrielle tonight anyway”.
The rest of school went by smoothly and I was okay. I had my best friend to help me with my studies so nothing mattered anymore. One thing though, was that I was really looking forward to spending time with Kyle, which meant I would be seeing lots of Brian. And I wasn’t bothered at all. It was confusing, but I wasn’t bothered.